I Wish I May, I Wish I Might

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
(rosemariexo challenge)
A story about a young girl who is betrayed by her boyfriend and best friend, and struggles to trust them again.

Submitted: August 08, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 08, 2009



Dear Tristan,

I still don’t understand why my best friend was okay with you dumping me for her. I still don’t know why you did it.

At first I was happy you decided to break up with her and get back with me. I was thinking ‘I knew he’d do the right thing.’ Now I realize you didn’t do the right thing. You just decided since you had already gotten what you wanted from her, you were going to try to get it from me again.

Without further frustration, I’d like to say the reason I’m writing this letter. I wish we could have worked it out. I wish I didn’t have these doubts, I wish I didn’t have to wonder just what you are doing now. I wish I didn’t know inside, that it won’t work out for you and I, but the fact is I do.

I’m still in love with you, but I can’t take it. As much as I love you James, I have to love myself more. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

Love Always,


I finished the letter and gave it to Tristan’s little brother, along with the five dollars I’d promised him. I then sat down on my bed and waited. I stared at my cell phone, knowing it was going to vibrate from him calling, or at least texting the moment he finished reading the letter. I knew my boyfriend at least that well didn’t I?

Then again, I thought I knew him well enough to know he would never leave me for my best friend. I also thought I knew my best friend well enough to know she’d never accept a guy leaving me for her.

Maybe I never knew anyone. I was obviously wrong about those two. I thought about my mom’s funeral, just two days beforeTristan andTrina got together. They were supposed to be the ones who loved me. They were supposed to care about me. The day I get back to school they tell me they’re together?

I thought about how stupid I was to take him back, and go back to talking to my so called best friend.Trina and I had had a huge fight over what she did to me. I didn’t talk to her for a week, but after that I cracked. I’m so stupid.

They broke up a few months later, andTristan came crawling back to me. I bet you thought I couldn’t get any more stupid that what I did when I accepted Trina back in my life right? Well you were wrong. I tookTristan back to. I accepted his lies. I was okay with it.

With all these thoughts forcing their way into my mind I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning. I checked my phone. My heart leapt when I seen I had a message, I quickly called my voicemail. I was in such a hurry I accidentally punched in the wrong code.

When I got the right code in. My world crashed. It wasn’t him. He didn’t leave a message. I hung up, and checked my missed call list. There were a few calls from the other cheerleaders. Two of them fromTrina. Other than that there was nothing.

Not one call all night. No new texts. Nothing. Maybe he wasn’t home when Jake got there, and Jake fell asleep before his older brother got home. Yeah, that’s it. I lied to myself. Forcing myself to believe something I knew wasn’t true.

I got up and began my morning routine. I got ready for school, rode my hour and a half bus ride to school, then my half hour ride to vo-tech.

Tristancame up to be at break. I almost cried. “Hey baby.”

“Tristan, did you get my letter last night?”
“Yes, babe, I did.”

“Then I don’t think you should call me that anymore.”

“Why not? You said yourself you’re still in love with me.”

“I am, but I also followed that with I love myself more. Which was meant to imply that I’m not up for being played anymore Tristan.”

“You know I love hearing my name from your gorgeous voice, but I’m curious. Why do you think I’m playing you?”


“I thought you were over that?”

“Well, I was, until I met up with her at the store yesterday.”

“What’d she say?”

“That she was sorry I had lost such a wonderful guy to her, but that’s not the point. You tried to get me to be okay with you dating another girl at the same time as me.”

“Yeah, but when you said no I dropped it.”
“Yes, but then you went out with her anyways. Look, I just want to know something. Can you answer me one question? All I want to know is this one thing.”

“What would that be Flower?”

He always used to call me his flower. “After all the things you put me through, tell me why I’m still in love with you, and why am I…” I sighed, getting less mad by the moment, “Why am I still waiting for you call? You broke my heart, I’m taking it back from you, and taking back the life I gave to you. Life goes on before and after you, I’ve got some growing up to do, and so do you.” With that I got up and left. I didn’t care that my break wasn’t over. I didn’t care that the whole break room had heard our conversation. I just left.

When I got home, that night after cheering at a ball game I finally looked at my cell phone. There was only one text. It was from Sashay. It held only two words.

I stared at the words for a long time. Trying to figure out what they meant. I then decided, I was going to follow Tristan.

My foster mom came in a few hours later, and discovered me dead. Strangled, by tying a scarf thatTristan had gotten me around the neck.

My phone was still in my hand. Still bearing those two devastating words: Tristan’s dead.

A/N: This is based on a true story out of my life."Tristan did break up with me for my best friend "Trina"."Trina" and him did break up later. They also did get together two days after my mother’s funeral. He did come crawling back to me, and I did take him back. I did leave him. Not like this though. We just agreed to be friends. "Trina" and I are still best friends to this day. I no longer care that"Trina" and"Tristan" betrayed me, because I have found the love of my life. Obviously,"Tristan" and I are still alive, andare actually great friends now, and we are very comfortable this way.

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