Alone Is What I Do Best...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Today wasn't a good day for me and free writing usually helps me with my day. I know it's not that good of a story, but I have decided to post it anyway. Maybe somebody will actually like it or relate to it.


( )


I stared up at the gloomy gray sky. There was big grey clouds full of rain that was waiting to come down. I was in the middle of the forest, just thinking. I normally try my hardest not to think about much because it hurts. I've lost anyone I've ever cared about and life just sucks. I'm all alone, but that's okay because alone is what I do best.


I was reflecting the last moments I ever spent with my mother. She had long blond hair and was so beautiful. She was forty-four when she passed away and she was the only person to ever care about me. She was the only person I had next to my grandpa who died a year earlier thanks to a car accident.


I felt so alone in the world and I had no one to talk to. My body was covered in scars, they were just little reminders of what I had lost. I was worthless and I know it. I didn't deserve to continue living in this world. I deserve to die.


"What's a beautiful girl like you doing all alone?" The voice startled me and caused me to jump. I placed a hand over my heart as I tried to calm down. My eyes found these blue-green/hazel eyes. They were so beautiful. 


I cleared my throat before looking back up at the sky. It is true that this man was  beautiful. His hair was kind black and was kind of fluffy, but it looked really good on him. I didn't want to tear my eyes away from him but I couldn't talk to this stranger about my problems. 


"I could ask a similar question...well, besides the girl part." I watched as the clouds started to release a light drizzle of rain. The cold rain hit my pale freckled skin, making me want to shiver. I wrapped my arms around myself and took a deep breath.


"I guess so," he chuckled, "I'm Skylar by the way." I didn't take my eyes off the sky though I knew it was rude not to look at someone when they were talking to you. I really liked his name though, it's unusual for a guy but I like it.


Against my better judgement, I tore my eyes away from the sky and looked down at the ground, at my converses. "I'm Aubree." I've never been one for eye contact, so I kept staring my shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.


"Nice to meet you, Aubree. Very beautiful name if that's not too weird." He sat down on a fallen tree trunk and patted the spot beside him. I hesitantly sat down beside him, keeping my distance of course. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them before staring back up at the gray sky as the cold rain came down even harder. 


I shrugged at his comment about my name. I wasn't sure what to say to him, I'm not the best at conversations if you haven't noticed. I'm more of the shy girl who doesn't say much. Most people would call me the ' little depressed anti-social girl who sits in the corner'. I suppose it's true enough though.


Everyone just seems to hate me, that's my problem. Every time I get close to someone, they let me down. They make me feel like shit and use my weaknesses against me! It's definitely not fair. That's the reason I prefer to be alone.


"So, why are you out here all alone, if you don't mind me asking?" His voice shattered my thoughts. I shrugged at his question again before looking in his direction, but avoiding eye contact. 


"Just taking time out of my day to look at the lovely sky." complete lie. No way was I going to tell this stranger why I was really out here. I mean, who cares why I'm out here? What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, I'm Aubree and I want to kill myself.' ... i'm sure that would go over real well.


"Forgive me if this sounds blunt, but lying isn't a talent of yours." I was shocked to be called out. Normally people just believe me and leave me alone. I sighed and rested my chin on top of my arms, which were still wrapped around my knees.


"It's nothing, just leave me alone." I turned away from him and stared down at the earth that covered that now soaking wet dirt, making it muddy. 


"You're out here because your mind is killing you, right?" I turned around to face him, completely shocked. I actually looked into his eyes for a second before looking back at the muddy ground.


"How would you know? You don't even know me, Skylar." I got up off the fallen tree trunk and wrapped my arms around myself, staring back up at the gray sky.


"I've been here before, for the exact reason you probably are." He got up off the tree trunk and stood in front of me. He held his arms out in front of him and pointed to a faded scar on his forearm.


I moved my left hand to gently trace over the scar and felt a few tears fall, though it was probably hard to tell because of how heavy the rain was falling. My black hair was now in my face and soaking wet. I probably resembled a drowned cat.


"This is why you're out here, isn't it Aubree? Life sucks and you're tired of pretending to be okay. This is where I come when I think about suicide. When I saw you, I had a feeling you were here for that too."


I took my fingers off his scar before looking into his eyes again. I found myself wanting to look away, but I fought it. I kept looking into his eyes. "How do you get through the day? I can't do it anymore. It hurts, Skylar. It hurts."


My eyes started to water and tears started to fall just as hard as the rain. He gently wrapped his arms around me as I started sobbing. It's good to know at least one person knows how I feel. I  buried my face in his shoulder and finally cried. For the first time in forever, I allowed myself to fall apart.


"I had someone help me through it. Someone was there for me and now I'm here for you." I pulled out of his arms to look at him. His green-blue/hazel eyes looked at me, but not in pity like everyone else. 


"But being alone is what I do best. I can't just open up to you. I can't do that with anyone. They always leave me." He gently put his hand on my shoulder and looked into my bright blue eyes which were puffy and red now. 


"I'm not going to leave, I promise you that. You aren't alone and you never will be. You have to fight through everyday and it's a battle, but you can do it. You can do it because I'm here now."


I nodded and looked at him. Something inside of me knew that I could trust him. For the first time in a while, I knew that I would be okay because I wasn't alone anymore. Someone cares about me.

Submitted: June 05, 2013

© Copyright 2020 KittyKatStayStrong. All rights reserved.

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