Just have to be strong.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
It hurts knowing you can't be who you want to be, but you know you just have to be strong.

Submitted: January 02, 2016

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Submitted: January 02, 2016

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It hurts everyday knowing that you can't be who you want to be. Waking up and looking down at the body that you don't want and imagining the body you do want. Waking up early just to stand infront of the mirror and bind so your chest is flat and then layering clothes on top just to try and make you look manly. Trying to dress as the man you are, the man you're supposed to be. It can hurt sometimes. Making sure your chest is flat, practicing on deepening your voice, making sure your walk is okay and how you stand. Worrying every single day if you look okay, if you look good enough, if everything will be okay. Sometimes you have good days and then you look in the mirror and you say to yourself ' Hey I look good today' and for a second you smile, in that second everything is okay. Then you get outside and you feel confident, until someone uses the wrong pronoun and calls you 'she' or calls you by your female name. Then everything just crumbles. People don't understand how it feels to have to do that everyday, to make yourself look like someone you know you are, to show them and prove to people that you are the man you say you are. It hurts when someone says 'Why not just dress like a boy, your friends already call you by your preferd name so why not?' It hurts because they don't realise how much this means to you. It hurts everyday when you can't get on testosterone or you can't have surgery. It hurts when you have to walk into the ' female' toilets instead of the 'males' because of what society may think. It hurts because to a trans person that is a step back from how far they have already come. It hurts to know that your family may be trying but it just doesn't look like it. You know it's hard for them, but they don't realise that it's harder for you, because you never know if it is okay to speak to them about it because you don't want to make them feel ucomfortable. It hurts when they call you by your female name instead of your preferd and you know it may be hard but they could still try. It is hard knowing that all society thinks about is how your genitals and your parts define you. When the real thing that defines you, is you as a person, who you are mentally, not physically, but unfortunaly not everyone is non judgemental. When your trans it is a long road to where you want to be but you know that in the end it has been completely worth it, but until then you know that there are more days and nights filled with tears, more mornings of standing infront of the mirror hating yourself and people who are too judgmental to accept who you are. Until that final moment, you just have to be strong.


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