A beautiful form of self-destruction

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Health and Fitness  |  House: Booksie Classic
This piece of writing discusses the physical, emotional and mental effects of depression and how it affects individuals differently. I was asked to discuss my personal experiences and how I choose to over come and conquer not only depression but the games society plays and the impact it has on one's emotional development.

It's not perfect and isn't finished by any standards but this is the general draft/copy so excuse the mistakes.

Submitted: March 30, 2016

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Submitted: March 30, 2016



A beautiful form of self-destruction:

So they say, the way to properly set out your introduction and grab your reader’s attention is to focus on first impressions. Because they count right? Who wants to read something that doesn’t interest them? It’s a pretty solid way of establishing a good writer from a bad one. Not that I necessarily believe in a good writer and a bad writer, I think it’s just one’s individual writing style. But you do need to make sure you are communicating clearly the topic you are discussing. All whilst adding a personal touch that sets you as side from the other competition and show the purpose of the subject you are developing. Which is exactly what I am going to try and do.

Now traditionally an introduction paragraph is supposed to effectively present the topic you are discussing.  However, I choose to actually discuss the introduction in the introduction... Typical me. I don’t believe in certain traditions that dictate the way a writer should express themselves. I believe good writing means expressing yourself through words in a way that is true to them and their personalities. So, moving on (finally) this piece of writing will discuss the pain one feels inside, whether it be emotional, physical or mental. And how it effects their lifestyle, health and general wellbeing.

Here goes...

I am sure that all of us, at some point, have felt like we are not good enough. This could be in a number of different contexts, but I am almost certain, it’s a painful thought we have ALL experienced.  We are all different, however for me, it starts with a niggling pain, it almost feels like butterflies. Not the kind of butterflies that you get on a date or on your first day of school. They are almost an evil, malicious species. Content on emphasising that feeling of self-loathing and contempt.

I think the kind of feelings that I associate with those ‘butterflies’, the self-hatred, the loneliness, they take a hold of you. And that’s why I believe some turn to the act of replacing emotional distress and mental pain with physical pain. It’s a small sacrifice when you are rewarded with a state of ease and numbness. Those feelings that were spinning around, pushing you to the point of insanity, disappear. Mellowed to the point where the tears stop and it’s over-for now. Hurting yourself isn’t a sensible solution, by no means is it? But it’s a coping mechanism that is thought to affect many teenagers/ young adults at some point in their development. Although it’s disputed that it is almost impossible to specify how many vulnerable individuals experience this.

This is extremely worrying. However it’s not just the physical side of the ‘Butterfly infestation’ that I want to address in this discussion. It’s also affects their lifestyle. No-one grows up wanting to be a recluse. For most beings love nothing more than having a healthy and active social life. But sadly, struggling with these dark ‘Butterflies’ can shatter your confidence and destroy your ability to let go and live. Those struggling with depression can find the littlest of social interactions daunting and difficult.  To go as far as a simple conversation can be too hard. Having depression is almost a catch 22. But, being introverted and anti-social can make you feel closed-off and rejected. Which in turn, adds to your broken confidence and self-loathing. It’s a vicious downward spiral that can be eminently hard to escape.

This is a very personal topic to me and my experiences may differ from others, but it’s important to remember that this discussion isn’t necessarily to educate you or throw statistics in your face. It’s a piece where I can express myself and how my experiences with depression have affected my lifestyle, health and general wellbeing. And it’s to show that we are all human. It’s our imperfections that make us perfect. It’s important to capture the beauty of what we have in front of us every day. I’m not saying ‘You need to love yourself’ because of course you do, but think of it this way. Those sinister butterflies, the ones that haunt and torment you? They are just a metaphor. A metaphor that insinuates that yes, they may give you that uncomfortable feeling of despair. But they are also beautiful, and elegant. A pretty picture. Just like myself, and just like you. Those Majestic, yet black hearted butterflies may get in our way. But their beauty should enchant and motivate us to stand up and see the day.

Self-destructing from the inside out is a tragic side effect of how our inner demons, our evil little winged friends destroy everything that we are. Yet they should inspire us to become better than the ugliness that has taken hold and captivated those precious little butterflies. It’s a mirror effect, and when we realise that our reflection should reflect our inner self. We can bring justice to those beautiful little creatures inside.


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