Bat Dootie

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Is that foam on your mouth?

 

After our first snows melt, I went outside to clean up the yard a bit...also known as “poo duty”. With three little dogs on a diet that consists of cheap dog food and stuffed animal faces, I had no choice but to postpone my "Words with Friends" marathon. As usual, I made my rounds through the yard expecting to find a shrew or two...well, at least part of a shrew. To my surprise I came across a bat! Always curious and wanting to take advantage of this rare opportunity, I examined from a distance and with a spade. Funny little things, they are; tiny dog-like faces with bitty cone-head teeth. I asked my husband if I should be concerned, knowing that Pepper (her given name) had enjoyed a nibble or two. He said "no", so I tossed it in with the bag of...well, the poop.  After while he felt less confident with his answer so, he decided to call the health department. They told him to bring it in for rabies testing. News I was not thrilled to hear as the bat was in the bottom of a bag that was now filled with poop.

After some dry-heaving, followed by some not so dry heaving, I put the bat in a box and drove into town. I walked into the courthouse and headed into the elevator; three people rushed behind me hoping to catch a ride. I held the door and we rode the 3 floors together. Very nice people... whom I can only assume worked as taste testers for a cigarette company and just came from their lunch, which must have consisted of pickles and cheese. I smirked to myself, knowing that I was holding a box with a dead bat covered in poop. When I reached the health department, I checked in at the desk telling the woman I had a bat to be tested for rabies. She curled her nose and backed further into her chair...embarrassed, I assured her that I didn't fart it was the bat. Not impressed, she took the box and left.

That afternoon the health department called to say since there was no human contact, they were not testing the bat. To be on the safe side, I brought the dogs to the vet to get rabies boosters. As the days passed, I thought that our dog Pepper was acting strange; she seemed a bit more aggressive and anxious. I turned to the Internet as I know it's the most accurate way to not only diagnose yourself with any medical condition, but also your pet. It didn't take long before I was convinced that Pepper not only had rabies, but I did as well. I was afraid to break the news to my husband; I know how much he likes Pepper. Not surprised with my self-diagnosis (this isn't the first time I’ve had rabies) my husband assured me that I've always had food aggression and that both Pepper and I were going to be fine.

 


Submitted: June 26, 2013

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