Happy Thoughts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Writers Rift

Joel woke up one morning, remembering his past, just a month ago he lost his Girlfriend and before that he had lost everything. He is a man rebuilding his life and today the remnants of his pain
and how it shattered are all falling down upon him once again and he is trying his hardest to remember the Happy thoughts

Submitted: May 20, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 20, 2018



Every moment of somebody’s life is a once in a lifetime moment for someone else at some point in time if it happens to them. Not a man alive sees themselves in the shoes of another, yet at the same time all people convince themselves that they are in fact kind at heart. They are selfless at heart, they are loyal and good spirited and godly. However, those prior stated thoughts are born of a subjectivity molded by a biased belief that is selfish. In the end all humanity has a capacity for apathy on a level that is definite and undeniable. The same of course can be seen when looking at the opposite side of the spectrum.

His thoughts had not for many moments hitherto wandered very far from an agony that he had, before this day thought he had escaped. Yet now it boiled over since this mornings sun kissed his face and woke him from his dreams. It began as he opened his eyes and looked to her slumbering face; she lay there with her body close, her head on his chest, in the late of night she cuddled close as she often did waking him early from the heat. He would lay there in the dark, unmoving until the first look of the sun and sound of her phones alarms woke her for work in the morning. He was always at the edge of the bed so dangerously close that at the slightest turn to the wrong side he would be on the ground, luckily he had an uncanny ability to sleep most anywhere and had trained this power since childhood, he never fell and slept soundly. His only weakness it seemed however was a girl who loved to sleep cuddled close, her body heat causing him to sweat and no matter how many times he scooted away, she would find her way back over. He could not sleep sweating apparently. 

He could not find it in himself to complain, no it was….endearing. The opportunity to wake beside the face of this woman, the moment to hold her in the night was worth a few missed hours of sleep. As the sun broke through the window and bathed them in it radiance, he looked to her laying there, dreaming, serenity radiating from her sleeping frame. No one looks more at ease than someone sleeping soundly, and he watched it for however more minutes he could before the waking world robbed him of this moments serenity. Her thin body stripped of the bedsheets in the night, long slender legs connected to a tiny frame, almost like an adolescent girl though she was a grown woman. Her tiny feet and legs entangled in his own, her slender arms wrapped around him, long dark hair smothering his face. Her was happy and he offered a smile and then the alarm sounded, and her eyes opened, dark brown eyes shooting open and looking to him for one brief moment and then he was jolted awake.

The agony had seated itself once again upon his heart with a pressure that made each breathe strained and shallow. He rolled over to see her only to find nothing but a shadow of what could have been looking back to him he lay there, contemplating the moment, thinking back upon the few seconds that passed leading up to the current moment in which he lived now. He lay there with thoughts that he had not thought since the day that…..she left him. No he had not missed her for the passed few weeks since they parted ways, he had not wondered what he could have done differently, he had not found the prospect of her in bed with another man detestable since the first few days of her walking away…..he had not had to remind himself that she was the one that walked away from him because she just “Wasn’t happy” and that he had done all he could. But it didn’t change anything, she was something he wanted and for some reason his mind had decided that he just had to remember her, that she suddenly mattered to  him once again.

“Yanny or Laurel?” In its fog his mind registered the words and their possible allusion, he looks up to the girl holding her phone out over her desk and looking at him “Listen” she offered.

A pretty thing long golden strands falling down her back in curly waves, a dark red dress that stopped right at the bottom of her ass, tight, showing off a body that was obvious sculpted by at least a decent amount of effort. She had the type of hips he liked, creating that coke bottle shape he was sure most men loved to look at. Her bright blue eyes looking to him with a grin. A recording played from her phone that repeated the same word constantly.

“Yanny” he offered, it was obvious.

“You’re lying Joel!” she snapped replaying the recording


“I hear Laurel” she said putting the phone to his ear as the recording played again.

They continued debating the possibilities of what exactly the recording was saying for a bit before Joel was forced to leave, he made his way into the office, swiping his badge to gain entry into the office, he worked as a data entry tech for an insurance company, it was a relatively new job but he had the experience and he was excelling at the job from what he was told, Aleah; the girl from before was the receptionist, he didn’t know much about her but she was cute though, they shared the same humor and it was fun to actually talk to someone that could appreciate a “Thats what she said” joke like he could . Sadly however, he allowed himself to think back to her again, what was she doing now? What was her life like now, it hadn’t been long but it was eating at him. She was a stain on his mind now, a part of his past that he knew he should never look back upon, be it lovingly or fondly, he should wish her well and never care beyond that moment. As he sat to his desk and fell back into the monotony of an office cog, being swallowed by the number on the screen, the clacking of keyboards and the constant hum of A/C he thought back to a moment where she was not present.

The first time he had rented his own apartment, a small studio with not even a room for him to lay his head. Devoid of anything save for the bare necessities. A living room with a bathroom adjacent to the front door, and then the kitchen 6 steps from the living room. He looked to the hovel with adoration and love. He was happy with his accomplishment. He was 24 and poor and he was happy. In this moment he was secure. He decorated the place with a  television set and a mattress all sitting in the center of the room with a suitcase that held all of his worldly possessions, which just so happen to be only his clothes. He worked at a call-center back then, a job for which he held nothing but sour memories and wretched sentiment. But there was also, his most passionate affection in the vision of Rebecca, she was a co-worker that he had spent many days of fun and laughter and many nights of romance. But…..even this was a darkly written sonnet for the author of his life had added too many men to this woman’s life and if she were an object, Joel would be the thief lurking in the night and the other was her true owner. She had a husband and though Joel was not initially aware, even after becoming savvy to the aforementioned knowledge he still didn’t stop his nightly moments of passion with the girl…..not until he lost his job. The company had a mass lay-off after losing one of its largest partners and needed to make budget cuts, which meant Joels entire team was a monetary liability, and he a Rebecca just lost contact.  

Joel looked to that year fondly, he missed that girl, met her once after he left that place and she was pregnant again….seemed like she and her husband had finally smoothed out their rocky relationship. He wished her well and left her alone. As his day ended with thoughts of the past he bid his co-workers farewell and made his way back to his home. He lost that studio apartment no less than 3 months after having it. He had trouble keeping it, after losing his job, he really hadn’t found another for sometime and took to sleeping in his car.

His current home was, much nicer than back then. He could afford a lot more with his current job and he didn’t plan on losing this one. A 2 bedroom apartment, there was no furniture, he never really believed in such luxuries. White tile floors, much easier to clean. A ceiling fan in the living room adjacent from the front door, on the left. He had a large screen television in front of the living room window with a wooden stool in the center of the livingroom, looking toward the T.V., the television sitting on a plastic tote that was faced upside down so that the bottom acted as a table. The kitchen was separated by a marble counter area where the sink was embedded with an entrance on the left of the counter. Both bedrooms were beside the kitchen, facing each other, separated by the bathroom. His bedroom had that same old mattress with no bed set. One window facing the door way entrance which he set his mattress beside. There was nothing else in the room except that old suitcase that he kept his clothes in. There was a closet in his room on the other side facing the window, but he just kept his shoes in there. He went up and plopped in his bed, he looked to the other room as he passed through the hall and she invaded his mind.

When he rented the home, she was the first of his closest people to be there with him when he moved in. The sun gleamed down on them with a golden smile and a loving warmth that set the tone of their day. She held him tightly as he finished moving what little he owned. She jumped into an embrace and held him close.

“I’m so happy for you!” Her congratulations meant more to him than the apartment ever could. He hugged her and smiled, she had no idea how much her being here in this moment with him meant.

“I am too” he said, picking her up and tossing her on the bed, they fooled around a bit, before just laying there in silence for the rest of the day.

“We should decorate a bit” she would eventually let slip. As he lay there thinking back on the good times he remembered what their plans were for the future. “The other room can be a guest room” she suggested, he even caught her searching up things on Amazon to buy for his new place.

“I don’t have guests” was all he said. Decorations were a hassle in all reality, too many things to move around, when you’re moving out. They never really got around to buying anything for the home, she was supposed to buy a plant but that never happened.

The sun was still peaking out into his room as he lay there, before giving a groan as the pang in his chest resurfaced. He needed to get her out of his head! She was just a simple annoyance to him now. His days would go on and the world would keep spinning whether she was with him or not! She wasn’t important! She left him! He had to remember that it was her idea not to work things out with him. The words still resonating throughout his head: “I don’t think I can ever love you” each time she said it to him he shrugged it off for as long as he could…..perhaps that was the issue.

He remembered meeting Tiara was…..it was like meeting any other girl in all reality, but knowing her was like living his life with his soulmate. Their first date was uneventful and on the second he just kissed her because he just wanted to. They spent the time at a café’ talking about random things before walking around the park where they sat on a bench, and he kissed her, he didn’t care whether it was the right move or not, he just knew he wanted to do it. Their time together after that was usually fun, though after a few weeks, he could remember being…less than fun. Their first argument being about this “Friend” of hers that she would never shut up about. He even took to telling him that she was in love with him. Joel didn’t handle it well and though he didn’t feel like he had the right to tell her not to talk about him, he didn’t want to hear about the man any longer. He knew it was his fault; Tiara only spoke about this particular friend when they first met for the first few days after he got her number. It was partially what fueled his desire to have her……he wanted to see if he could steal her, from what she said he obviously wasn’t interested in her but she kept chasing and a girl like her…..she needed someone who was willing to be there and Joel was that person, he felt at least.

Their second fight resulted in her breaking up with him. It was a dumb conversation. She was away on a trip so they took to talking over the phone or through text. Around this time Joel was moving around, back and forth from his friend’s house to his mother’s house, mainly his mother. Tears began to fall from his eyes as these memories began to strike his heart like a dagger, piercing through. 2 months after losing his job he had begun Ubering to keep himself with a  bit of spending money, it wasn’t much but it was something. But at this time, as if a God had seen a slight glimmer of joy within him and decided to strike at it because it did not meet his plan, another brick fell upon the slowly growing pile upon his back. His mother was evicted, her lease had ended and the house was being sold, it wasn’t anything new for them. These things happen is the moto Joel often told to himself in times such as this, because it happened all the time….everytime anything good happened one bad thing had to happen, because if it didn’t, the universe would not be balanced. Joel moved in with a friend for about a week, this friend was renting the home and once the landlord found out he demanded rent from Joel who could not accommodate and so he was once again on the streets. The fight came around that time, he had told her how everything was going and just called her to hear her voice. A lot was happening to him and he needed to talk about something fun. But he ended up venting to her, he couldn’t contain himself really, he heard her voice and just started to let loose and eventually she tried to console him.

“God has a plan” she offered, it was a mantra to her, something she slung around, she wore her religion like an armor.

“Fuck gods plan man” he said, he knew he shouldn’t have, he knew her, how her religion was more important to her than just about anything in her life. But he was just angry……he couldn’t control himself.

“Why would you say that?” was all she said she was obviously agitated though her voice was still soft.

“Gods not doing shit for me right now, whatever his plan is he can keep me out of it bro” Joel wasn’t a religious man, but he didn’t want to disregard her beliefs, but at the same time he couldn’t calm down, he just wanted to stop talking but he couldn’t.

“You’re obviously upset right now so I don’t think I can talk to you” she offered.

“I’m fine I just need to talk to someone” thinking back on it he probably should have let her leave. “Sorry. I’m not trying to offend you or anything”

“It’s just….I don’t think you like grasp how important that is to me” she said.

“I know its important. I was just mad, I’ll get over it” Joel argued

“This will just get you friendzoned fast okay” she warned “Be careful”

The rest of the conversation was pretty much more of the the same, he apologized and tried to explain and she just told him how he couldn’t understand how upset it made her and how he wouldn’t understand. The next day she asked to be friends.

“Fuck this shit!” Joel barked out to no one in particular as he stood up from his mattress, moving to the kitchen of his apartment, where a bottle of Hennessey sat, half empty. His apartment was meticulously cleaned, he only owned 2 cups, a large mug a friend had bought for him for his birthday, and a plastic water bottle that his job had given him. He had 1 plate he ate off of and 2 forks with 1 knife. He poured himself what probably amounted to a shot he assumed, he looked to the drink before downing it. His mind once again wandered to the days when he was with Tiara.

His mother had burned through the majority of her savings money moving from hotel to hotel and relented to staying in cheap one bed motels, it dawned on him that up until that point he hadn’t really realized that she was basically taking care of him……a grown man. It was pathetic really, a trashy trend he had not had to go through since childhood. He used what little money he could to pay his mom back for keeping him off the streets and carrying him around while she bounced from hotel to hotel, and she used the money to move out of state and live with his sister until she could get back on her feet. Joel was on the street again, driving around in his car, the only companion he really had in his life, Tiara hadn’t contacted him since their breakup and wouldn’t answer his texts, after about 3 or 4 he gave up on trying to reach out to her. His friends offered him a few bucks which out of pride he couldn’t take, they weren’t his family, and he didn’t want to drag them down with him. He Ubered and used that to feed himself, he slept in his old roommates driveway, the landlord didn’t mind, so long as he wasn’t inside of the home for more than 24 hours. He was a dick but Joel believed that was his way of showing a kindness.

During the day Joel would look for jobs, often coming up short, but he kept on smiling. He was sure something would come around, bring him back to the top and he would find a home and live a happy life. Then during one of his Uber drives, he met a young girl. She was a tiny little thing, probably a few years younger than himself. She had dark hair, tied into a ponytail, blue contacts in her eyes. She was wearing a tight tiny skirt that hugged her thin frame. She got into the car in the backseat, her presence sending Joel’s already doleful mood into an abyss of darker melancholy. They sat in silence for the first 10 minutes of the drive. Joel tried to keep his eyes headlong on the road but his eyes kept moving to the rearview mirror and the girl. He had picked her up on the side of the street, next to a mcdonalds and was taking her home he assumed.  He was going to open his mouth to say something to her but her phone began to ring, she answered with a groan before simply stating: “I’m blocking your number you piece of shit!!!!!” and most likely in answer to the callers protests she began to argue exactly why she blocking him as loudly as she could.

Once the call ended Joel let the atmosphere of rage fade before he decided to have a conversation.

“Break up right?” he said though his words fell on deaf ears.

“He’s just an ass” she offered after contemplating how much she would offer to him.

“All men are asses” Joel chuckled “It’s just that the good ones know when to show it and when not to” the sentence didn’t even make sense to him but it made her laugh so he felt accomplished. After that they talked and laughed until he dropped her off to her house and he asked for her number, she gave it to him though he never actually texted her after texting her his number. Instead he made his way to a bar right afterward and began to drink.  He thought to the girl whose name he didn’t remember and how she probably loved that man, how she seemed to be in pain because of him and how he didn’t even care. But she would probably go back to him, why do the assholes always get the girl in the end? He bought drink after drink, until he had spent his money for the week, and stumbled out of the bar, falling into the backseat of his car and falling asleep apparently with the door open, he awoke to a tiny bird landing on his legs, he jumped up and it flew away, then he drove to his friends house to clean up and began the next day after sleeping off his hangover.

“Stop it” he said as he tried to shake the memories of his past life away, downing the shot of Hennessey before pouring another. “Leave me alone” he said taking 2 more shots and on the third he stopped to look at it. He his heart began to beat faster,

“I know what I did wrong” he said “I know…..” he knew he was a broken man back then, and even now all that he had built in the present was just the half mended product of a toppled building. He was fixing himself, he was fixing himself and he just needed a bit of time.  His life had gone to utter shit while they were apart, and it was just getting worse.

“She made it worse!!!!!” he cried out to himself, “She didn’t even care…..she’s a bitch” he huffed, he took the last shot as he remembered his past life!

He could only remember his friends, bits and pieces of moments and events when each of them approached him: “You’re drunk” they laughed at parties

“You’re drunk” they said as they sat on the couch and watched movies

“You’re drunk” they said as they went to a restaurant

“You’re drunk” they said as they picked him up off of the drive-way outside when they were coming home from work.

They sat him down one night as he came home from his last Uber, he had mastered the art of driving impaired……he felt at least, it was obvious by the fact that he hadn’t killed anyone yet or been pulled over. His roommate asked him to come inside and his entire group was there to talk to him. He had a circle of 5, including himself. They often said that they were a family, of course he was problem sibling then.

“You’re drunk” the old catch-phrase was stated and Joel simply shrugged.

“I’m always drunk” he said with a snicker.

“This man came out of his car with a garbage bag full of beer bottles yesterday man” his roommate said and they each began lecturing him to for maybe an hour to which Joel just gave them a simple answer.

“I get what you guys are saying” Then he went to the bar and by the end of the night he once again slept in his car in the parking lot. His friends stopped contacting him for a while after that, he still slept in the drive-way and his roommate regularly ignored him as he came home from work, his other friends never answered back to his texts or calls. They often went out without him, they took a week long road trip and never told him about it. Eventually he stopped trying to talk to them, he stopped sleeping in the drive-way and took to parking his car in random parking lots and sleeping there. He spent most of his money on food and liquor. He found it difficult to cry most days, but he hadn’t coped well with the reality of the situation. Every aspect of his reality piled on top of him all at once, it spilled into his soul and tried to demand that he lives the rest of his eternity as he was now, and he jut could not allow it. His future, he wanted a future beyond this Hell.

He began to drive, drinking directly from a bottle of vodka, he was speeding, he knew he was speeding but it didn’t matter, he just needed to drive, go somewhere fast! Anywhere! He just wanted to be somewhere that he wasn’t currently. Then his stomach churned, he slammed on his breaks stopping, somewhere that he didn’t even remember and he let loose all of the bile in his system, all of the poison, all of the disgusting filth that was inside of his body, he let it loose and spilled it back into the world, then he let out a cry of anguish before he passed out. He remembers waking up in a hotel the next afternoon, still covered in the vomit of last nights events. He finally admitted it to himself that day.

“I’m….not okay”

He didn’t want to remember this anymore, he didn’t want to fall back into this! He knew what happened next! He spent the day trying to contact anyone! All of his friends in his phone, he called to them to try and talk about! He knew they were tired of! They didn’t want the plague of his life to infect their serenity any longer! How many months had it been since he lost his job, how many weeks had he been homeless, a drunk, a stain on society offering nothing but a warm body and decaying flesh to feed the Earth once he finally died? He even called Tiara and nothing, nobody wanted anything to do with him any longer…..so he stopped trying. He turned his phone off and went to his car. He spent his last dime on alcohol and gas for his car and he drove, he just drove, and drank and drove some more, just like last night, just like most nights he drove. Then he stopped at a store parking lot, finishing what he could of his alcohol and making his way to the nearest bridge, sitting there at the ledge. He sat there, using all of his focus to keep his drunken mind balanced and…..he cried, he cried for the first time in a while, he let all of the anger, and sorrow out.

But he didn’t want to remember this shit anymore! He didn’t want to think about this! His life wasn’t so difficult! There was worse, so much worse for so many others! Just because he was going nowhere does not mean that he would be going nowhere forever! If that was the case then he would have done it!

Happy thoughts! Happy places! Happy moments! Happy things!

He remembered that he WAS still alive, that he was still here and he was fixing himself and his life.

He let the darkened veil lift from over his most tragic memory and he remembered that he didn’t do it, he didn’t jump, he got off of the ledge, as he turned around he saw a car pull up to him and from inside an elderly couple called out to him: “Hey there son” the husband said, he was in the passenger seat, his voice soft and filled with care.

“I’m okay” Joel offered falling back into the street, attempting to stand, but his inebriated mind made it near impossible.

“C’mon now why don’t we go get you some water okay” that was the last thing he heard before passing out and waking up at his hotel, he wasn’t sure who might have said it; whether it was the husband or the wife. He took a shower and brushed his teeth before making his way downstairs to get breakfast at the hotel cafeteria. Today was his last day to be there so he needed to hurry and leave. He got some cereal though, he would be sure to get his moneys worth.

“You look like death son” he turned to a smiling elderly man, he had a large pudgy gut and a smile. He was the old man from last night. They apparently rented a room and they paid for a few more nights for Joel, as well as had his car towed back to the hotel. The couple was apparently visiting family, their son was a therapist who worked nearby, after talking to Joel they recommended it to him.

“Thank you” was all that Joel could offer, though he didn’t plan on seeing him…..But he finally admitted it to himself, after the thoughts of last night finally hit him, he wasn’t okay.

Those people saved him, Joel let the memories fade from darkness as he grabbed the bottle of Hennessey and poured it down the drain. God or the universe or whoever it was looked to him and decided to save his life. To have mercy on him! He didn’t go to therapy but, realizing he did have a problem, he decided to fix it. He saved up some money,  and began to clean up and work harder to find a job, he stopped drinking for 2 months, using the excuse that he would celebrate with a drink after he found a job.

Happy thoughts Joel thought to himself, he only needed to think of the happy thoughts.

He remembered that Tiara contacted him a few days before he found another job, they talked on the phone for a bit, she wanted to know if he was doing fine with everything.

“I miss you” eventually came up in the conversation, coming from her.

“We can meet up somewhere” he offered, he had some extra money, so lunch wouldn’t be so hard to afford. When they met up, they hit it off again and they began meeting up more frequently once again. It didn’t really take long before they were together again.

“She never apologized to me” Joel sighed as he remembered all of the past idiocies he fell for. He often used the fact that she broke up with him for such a stupid reason whenever she told him: “You don’t understand other peoples feelings”. It was a petty thing for him to do but it was his best defense.

Happy thoughts he kept reminding himself, just happy thoughts that was all he had to remember.

“I don’t think I can ever love you, you know that” that was her favorite text to send him in the middle of the night. 3 or 4 months after they got back together, he made the mistake of telling her that he loved her. She just laughed and told him that:

“How can you know you love someone that you barely know anything about”

“I just do” was all he said because he did. He still does.

“Maybe that was the issue?” he said sitting down on the kitchen floor. “Maybe I just cared too much”, he remembered how he would fuss and get angry whenever she hid things from him, she was private and would often hide her phone, would often hide where she would go if he asked. He admitted he never snooped and gave himself props, he would often ask out of innocent curiosity, before the breakup she never had a problem with sharing these things and so he operated like he usually did, but afterward she became more private and he didn’t react well. He apologized and let her do as she saw fit.

He began working 6 months into their new relationship, it was the job he currently has, the one paying for his new home. He was excited once he got the call back after the interview. He knew he nailed it, he knew he was going to get it, and the call back sent him over the moon. His friends took him out to dinner, Tiara didn’t come, she was off with an event for her church, she often went out to those things.

Joel let his mind wander to all the times she vanished off with her church, they saw each other maybe once a week before and after the breakup, she loved the church though and he couldn’t complain. She was busy, she went to school plus her church things, he remembered there was a time she went on vacation for about a week, she would have some free time to see him but instead ran off with her church. It had been an entire month apart and he didn’t react well. He snapped at her to which she replied by coming to see him afterward, he felt bad and knew he should have apologized, but for some reason he just didn’t and the matter died right there. He had done bad things he knew, to him just knowing that was a happy thought, it meant he could learn from his mistakes, maybe he could do better next time.

They had spent only 1 day together that month but after that they spent everyday together and it was amazing. He would like to remember it as amazing at least, she had continued that tradition of weekly midnight texts, long paragraphs basically saying the same thing in different words. Each one stating reasons why she can never love him. He always tried to reassure her at first that it didn’t matter, that he could wait to see if she ever could, or if they would break up. He gave it a year but deep down he didn’t want there to be a time limit. But he began to lose it again, his life was looking up yes that is true, his life was working in his favor for once, he was saving up money, he was paying rent at his roommates house again, this in turn helped him rebuild his relationship with his friends. He had stopped drinking as much. He wasn’t a homeless drunk, he had a future. But he was too arrogant.

A foolish man he was for thinking that his mental state was rebuilt, at least that was the excuse that he used at the time. He was busy rebuilding his life and he didn’t have time to deal with this stupid girl again. Why was she always telling him how she would never love him? What kind of person does these types of things to a person they supposedly care about. He went off on her, he snapped and yelled at her then they didn’t talk for a few days. 3 days after that argument he contacted her and apologized, she forgave him….she said at least.

Everyday after that, when he spent time with her, she wouldn’t talk, she wouldn’t even try to have fun with him, she simply pouted. She never laughed, she never did anything but sit and pout and ask to go home. Then 1 month maybe from the present day, she said she wanted to be friends and out of anger he told her: “Fuck off” he didn’t want to be friends, not with her, he loved her romantically, not platonically.

He knew he should have handled the situation better, but it didn’t matter, he was angry and annoyed that, he could give her so many chances, take so much abuse from her, but she couldn’t take that little.

Happy thoughts!

He remembered that without her around he was able to save up a bit more money now.

Happy thoughts

He and his friends are close again

Happy thoughts

Happy thoughts

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thought, happy thoughts!

He just wanted to remember something happy in his life!

“Go away!!!!!!” he called out tossing the bottle of Hennessey, the glass shattering against the wall. He stood, stumbling to the room as the alcohol began to take affect on his balance. He lay on his mattress, closing his eyes, he just wanted to dream something happy, he just wanted to think of something happy. Then he faded to sleep and he dreamt of Tiara laying there beside him, smiling.

“I’m sorry” she said to him, the light of the suns ray painting her skin in its radiance.

“I’m sorry too” Joel offered and they lay there in the dream and when Joel awoke the next morning he saw that she was not there…..but then he remembered that his life would keep moving without her.

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