The girl on the fountain bench

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  No Houses

Amidst the times of an ordinary life lies the threat of mundanity to pull at our interest's. For young Darrell he lives the life such as this in college. He is an ordinary boy with an ordinary middle class life. He goes to class and cgoes to his dorm. He has decent grades in classes that he has an interest in. Then he meets a girl on the Bench by the fountain and he falls in love.

Taking for a brief moment the times not spoken of during his moments not spent sleeping yet not  spent doing activities of a more proactive nature – mainly spent on video games or watching television – Into consideration Darrel was not much of a failure by any given social standard. In the matter of an academic standard he was also a rather average individual. All being said he was not a very useless boy to the ones around – taking into consideration all that useless can mean for an undergraduate, self-loathing, partially narcissistic, mild mannered college boy. He was snow among the snowy tundra. Laying upon his back during the day with the television playing at a volume near imperceptible to his own ears yet just at the right tone for him to feel the comfort of the voice beyond the box. The dull orange glow of his desk lamp accenting the glow of his television screen coloring his dorm-room with a simple yellow, platinum film. He awaited the chime of his phone’s alarm upon times change to a particularly dreaded moment. 6:00 PM, his most hated hour of the night, any night. The coming time where he was an ant, a thing beneath the sand. He sat up once the chime sounded and tossed a faded orange sweat shirt over his gray t-shirt, he slipped on the cleanest black socks he could find and placed on a pair of slides. He studied himself in his closet door mirror taking in the full body view. A baggy hooded sweat shirt, baggy gray sweat pants, un-kept hair, socks and slides, bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, eyes colored a bit yellow from lack of nutrition and a face colored by the stubble of an on coming beard.

Now all I need is a card board sign.

He thought making his way out of the door leaving the television and lamp to drink away the power. He wasn’t paying for it after all. Warmth placed upon him a moist kiss as he exited his dorm, this was the night after a spring rain and the feeling was an invited sensation. He enjoyed the damp linger in the air, like unseen raindrops that failed to hit the ground and simply loitered in the atmosphere awaiting the cling to the flesh of any passerby without prejudiced. The un-named scent of a saturation barreling its way into his nostrils mingling with the odors of countless supplementary aromas in hopes of honoring his own affections toward the seasonal idiosyncrasy – Or so he figured such a moment could only be captured under circumstances that could be captured only in the season of spring. He walked with a strut, hands held in the pockets of his sweat-shirt, hood over his head simply because it was there and it radiated the idea of dishevelment he wanted to portray, a look of  “So the fuck what about life”.

The area where the ant marched to was about a 1000 mile journey away from his own dorm. Past the cafeteria, past the girls dorms, past the higher-classed apartment complexes built for the sons of the rich and the daughters of the mother who married into wealth. He sniffed to their success and spit at their misfortune for being the fortunate. Yes, it was envy but he did not care, his family struggled up a mountain of broken glass while they simply took the elevator. Fucking pricks, one day he would own them all. That’s why he decided to study business management. So he could buy out the corporations where all their mommies and daddies worked and reign over them like a tyrannical king, laughing as they wallowed in the muck to pick up the crumbs of crap to give to their kids so they can feed them for a week. But those days were too far away and so now he simply lived as an ant, marching and simply living to the sound of a non-existent drum beat that lead him along a seemingly endless trail that only lead back to his starting point.

Here it was now, just five steps into the distance, building 3C the statistics building, where all those who were stupid enough to minor in the confounded subject went to find a reason to kill themselves. An hour and thirty minutes of sitting at white plastic desks surrounded by white walls watching a white guy in a white dress shirt stand and talk and write on a white board. The only time he felt any release for his soul  was the jolly he would get when the Professor switched his marker from black to red. And then the time would end and he would leave to go to bed just to wake up and do the same shit again tomorrow night in a different class. He let out a sigh as he made his way to his dorm sticking his hand in his pants to scratch his balls.

The wind blew a slight warm breeze fondling his cheek with the subtlest of touches, he nearly purred. He took his hand out of his pants and smelling it, musky, he hadn’t taken a shower before class so it was not to be unexpected. He glanced over his shoulder ot make sure no one saw him, he could not be too careful. Then the sudden dawning of the realization that he currently dwelled in a state of isolation from the remainder of humanity took hold. There was only he and the darkness of the night to accompany him and it spoke a cacophony of silence only the dead cold scream out to the living. He glanced to the moon for guidance now as he attempted to make a face from its silver body, his mind twisted and contorted the body and made out a grumpy old man frowning at him for being such a loser for doing what he was doing. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his head phones, the silence was a much loved music but it wasn’t his favorite love, not by itself at least he longed for a threesome only, silence, himself and the sound of the fountain. He placed his headphones in his ear, playing heavy metal into his head as he made his way to the fountain to contemplate the inner threads of the heart of the universe and the biology of God and reason. He danced and jumped around in the solitude that he had finally taken a hold of until he made his way the fountain then he danced even harder singing along to the screams in the song and playing along with the drums and rifts of the death core melody with  his own fantastical instruments until the song was over. Then he removed his head phones breathing heavily from the fatigue of his loners game and turned to the fountain and the bench where he saw a spectator.

She sat there in a small great hooded jacket with the hood pulled over her head, the jacket open revealing a faded pick spaghetti strapped shirt over a white T-shirt, on her thin legs, tight black jean shorts and on her feet, pink sneakers and white tube socks. Through her eyes he saw clouds of white and blue making love within the soul of the world and for moment he lost track of who he was and where he stood and what brought him to be where he was standing to begin with.  And then he remembered that he was embarrassed and his heart begged him to choke to death on his tongue.

“You saw that?” he said with an awkward grin that asked her to be polite with the insults.

She nodded her head in concurrence.

“Can you pretend that you didn’t?”

She shook her head, still staring blankly as if awe struck by whatever it was she had seen.

“My……name’s Darrell” he said figuring since he already broke the ice he was obligated to continue forward with the interaction. He stuck his hand out ensuring that it was not the one that smelled like musky ball sack. She stared at his hand still in silence then looked up to him with those eyes that he could not help but stare into, he watched the colors of white and blue swirl and dance and love one another, holding each other like gaseous snakes mating to the sound of gentle orchestral strums.

“Laliana. Laliana Fortunada” she said, her voice ringing within his mind, echoing and strumming like the strum of acoustic guitar, “Laliana, Laliana, Laliana”. Over and over it repeated and her eyes repeated the rhythm as they spiraled and coiled and called to him. And then the whistle of a nights slight wind calling to him to speak, jolted him from his sleep.

“Pretty” he could only think to say.

“I bet you’ve never heard a name like that before” she said with a smile that caused him to decide that she was a goddess and god wanted him to get her number or the world would burn down around him.

“I bet you’ve never seen anyone doing that before” he said with a smile taking a seat beside her on the bench, releasing her hand.

“Right” she said.

“I win” he said.

“So are you going to just tell me what you were doing or….?” She said leaving a blank for  him to answer.

“I was dancing to……a song” he said. “You know people do it when their happy, outgoing, energetic –“

“Retarded, crazy, drunk, high…… aren’t drunk are you?”

“Not drunk” he said. “You can smell me if you want”

“I can smell you just fine Darrell” she said with a smile.

“No way” he was genuinely worried.

“Showers help you know”

“Thank you. Random nighttime girl. You’re waaaayyyy more brazen than initially assumed”

“Your welcome musky dancing boy” she said and they both watched each other grinning, he watched her as her eyes swirled and danced , the white and blue of her iris spinning and swirling and calling. Her voice reverberating and repeating. The name ringing and beckoning, her smile inviting and calling, she was calling, calling, calling. He watched her eyes dance and swirl and spin and expand and separate and condense and combine. Her name repeated “Laliana, Laliana, Laliana Fortunada”.

And then silence.

She looked at him and took his hand, the musky one he had scratched his balls with. She shook it, her hand was soft and dainty and warm. Her smile pretty, her face pretty, her skin pretty. She was…….pretty. Her eyes were shinning balls of bright blue resplendence.

“Well I have to get going Dancing boy Darrell” Laliana said and then she stood. “Be safe okay”. She said and then she left.

Darrell let out a sigh, he was completely engulfed. “I didn’t get her damn number” he grumbled he stood, placing his hand bench, feeling a sharp pain shoot throughout his palm. Pulled away from the stone bench, looking at his palm to see blood poor down a small laceration. He looked at the bench and saw chip where a portion was now synonymous with a stone needle.

“Fuck dude” he said turning to make his way back to his dorm.

“I swear to God dude she was…….Like dammit”

“Congrats”. Evan lay back on his bed placing his game controller beside his head on the pillow.

“Bro seriously. I’m serious” Darrell said cursing at the game under his breathe.

“Darrell. Did I ever tell you. You have an amazing vernacular”.

“I know but….she was so –“

“Like Dammit”

“God yes…you get now” Darrell said.

“You gunna smash?”  Evan said staring at the screen on his phone.

“Fuck yeah. Why would you even have to ask that question?”

“I don’t know. For a moment there I was scared you were catching feelings was all”

Darrell shot a look of exaggerated confusion toward his roommate. “I don’t understand. What’s a feeling”.

“Some disease gay guys’ catch” Evan said with a contemplating flare in his voice

“Oh right. Sounds unpleasant”

“I wouldn’t know. I was born without a soul.” Evan said

They both let out a snicker before continuing on with their game for the next few hours and then going to bed as the sun began to rise.

Afternoon acted as morning today simply because Darrell had no classes until later in the night once again until tomorrow. He stood in the shower staring down at his palm as the area around his laceration began to give off a sensation of throbbing. He thought back to last night, the girl…….Her name escaped him this time, it was a pretty name. With an “L”? He attempted to sound the name out in his head. He thought of her form, a silhouette in the light of the moon was born in his mind.

“Oh twas a misfortune” the form in his mind spoke in her voice.


“Laliana Fortunada” he said under his breath. “Damn she was hot”. He thought back to her and smiled imagining what the moment would be like once he finally got her into bed and then he began to pleasure himself for an hour with his uninjured hand.

He turned the water off afterward and turned to leave the shower, slipping on the slick floor and falling back into the wall nearly slamming head into the tile.

“Shit” he simply cursed before making his way out. He studied himself in the mirror for a while berating his ever-growing gut and promising that he will eventually make it to the school gym one day. He left the bathroom and dressed himself in the room before making his way toward the cafeteria. He continued to allow his mind to wander as he let rock music drown out the world around him. He decided to skip lunch today and wait by fountain for his class to begin. He figured it was only about thirty minutes. The sun began to fall and his class began in 15 minutes he stood and left to class. He sat for nearly two hours in his psychology class. This was his favorite subject. He was happy he was able to take it. He listened to his professor and absorbed every word until class ended and then he made his way back to the dorm. He placed his head phones in his ear and made his way forward. The night was  another one where he was pleasured by a moist warmth and he reveled in, he decided today wasn’t a day for heavy metal, he played punk rock today and allowed the night to guide his soul with its atmosphere until the sound of the music faded in his left ear. He stopped pulling the bud out of his ear and letting out a sigh. He pulled the bud from the wire and flung it into the distance to punish it for dying.

“You alright?” said the voice of a perceived goddess.

Darrel turned and saw Laliana watching him with a smile that nearly caused his legs to revolt and give way to its weight.

Reality finally took hold of him and the sound of the fountain became perceivable. He looked  toward the girl and smiled.

“My….headphone blew” he said.

“Maybe that’s a sign” she said pulling her phone from her pocket giving it her attention.

“A sign?” Darrell said making his way toward her.

“Technology is robbing humanity of its ability to intermingle. Headphones are another means of self-isolation” she looked up at him.

“Says the girl on her cellphone” he sat beside her on the bench.

Laliana flipped her phone screen so that he could see the video of himself dancing to his music unaware of the camera capturing the entire moment until he stopped.

“You took a video?”

She nodded.

“Delete it”

She shook her head.

“What the hell? C’mon”

“I’m posting it on the internet”  she said.

“I’ll literally kill myself then you”

“That’s literally impossible”

“All I need is a gun and two bullets”

“No. there’s no way you can kill yourself then me”

“Don’t worry about the intricacies of murder just know it’s happening”

“In that order?”

“Literally” Darrell said.

“Okay…….Good luck with that”

The two sat and spoke for the next few moments about whatever topic could be brought to mind. Darrell held her eyes the entire time and couldn’t break away from the mesmerizing motions of the dance captured in the windows of her iris.

“Are you okay?” she said grabbing hold of his injured hand and looking at the blood spilling from the laceration on his palm.

“Yeah it’s just a bit of a scratch. I got it in the gym this morning” Darrell answered.

“Hold on” she said with a sigh pulling a band-aid from her jacket pocket and placing it on the wound. “There” she said looking up at him with a smile. He admitted to himself that he had caught feelings at that moment, her smile, herself, so warm, so  pretty, she was a storm that pelted his heart with cataclysm and the romance of the rain upon the ground.

“Thanks” he said his face flush and stuck with an idiotic smile.

“Soooo… work out?” she said

“Yeah” he said

“Maybe we could go to the gym together sometime” she pulled out her phone and handed ot him. “Here. What’s your number?”

They exchanged information. That day Darrell walked home with one headphone in his ear, playing old romance-pop and alternative. He had officially caught the disease and then he coughed.

Darrell began going to the gym for the next passing days, he began building muscle and losing weight and found that the workout was enjoyable. Laliana texted him during the day almost everyday and in all honesty he felt as if the two of them could be something serious one day. They talked every night by the fountain about nothing and it was always interesting. She brought him dinner one time and it was delicious and she even brought him medicine when he started to show signs of a cold. He felt like she really liked him and he liked her a lot too. He decided he would ask her out soon, on a date at least somewhere besides the fountain. He thought about her all day every day and he couldn’t deny anymore.

“I’m am in like middle school crush mode my friend”.

“Quire” Evan said tossing a pencil at him from the desk where he was doing homework.

“Seriously. We talk like every day” Darrell said sniffing

Evan looked up at him and gave a disappointed shake of the head.

“I don’t care what you say. That’s my girl friend”

“You’ve known her for like 3 weeks bitch”

“I’m just taking her to the movies or something. Maybe an ice cream shop”

“Awe that’s cute. Your such an adorable little 10 year old boy”


  Evan snickered. “Seriously I’m happy you found someone”

Darrell’s phone rang and he answered it getting the call from their topic of conversation. He said he would be there then he received a text afterward of a smiley face emoji.

“A call and a Text. Look at you stud” Evan said. “The pipe”

“Oh it will be laid” Darrell gave an arrogant nod  of the head jumping out of bed and changing shirts.

“Oh God” Evan winced in pain grabbing his crotch. “Sorry but your bod I couldn’t help it”

“I have that affect” Darrell said feeling his new and improved stomach muscles. Then he reached into a shoe box in the closet and pulled out a condom. “Just in case” then he stopped turning back to his roommate .

“Should I take it slow?”

“If you don’t want to be a man”

“You right” Darrell said and then he left.

He knew what he and Evan talked about but that was just guy bullshit. Darrell could not be that type of guy when it came to Laliana. He sneezed, sniffing and hoping it didn’t sound too disgusting.

“You’re still sick?”

“Yeah” he said hearing the mucus build inside his nose as he spoke and his chest as he coughed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come see me as often. If you do it’ll only get worse” Laliana said.

“No don’t worry about it. I like seeing you. It’s just a little cold really”.

Laliana gave him a smile them pulled tissue from her pocket and wiped the dripping from his nose.

“Just for a bit” she said. “It would be unfortunate if you got worse”.

So Darrell stayed in bed as he was told but his mind could still see her. His Laliana Fortunada the object of his affections and it was just a cold, a simple cold. He coughed and ran to the bathroom spitting the mucus from his mouth. Blood ran from his nose and dripped upon the floor. He looked in the mirror. It was just a cold he kept telling himself, wiping the blood from his face, just a simple cold.

It had been early morning – three days following his deal with Laliana –when he had received the news. Evan, his roommate had been killed. A driver in the morning rain lost control of his car and hit the gas station where Evan had been refueling, the entire building went up in flames. The circumstances were….unreal. That was all Evan could even fathom thinking. It was an Unreal event. That day Darrell cried for the first time since he was a child. He cried in the darkness of the room.

Evan’s family came a week before the funeral and took all of his belongings they all hugged Darrell and thanked him for being so close with Evan, they say he talked about him all the time. Darrell thanked them and then he looked to Evan’s younger sister, she was 15 and she was Evan’s best friend. He loved her, had a picture of her posted up in his room and she had a heart locket with a picture of him in it that she wore around her neck. She burned it during the funeral and then ran off crying. No one went after her.

Darrell skipped school for the next two weeks he thought about Evan and his sister, thought about how their family would get by for the next few days and figured he would visit from time to time. And then he thought about Laliana. He wanted to see her. His school was about an hour away from the hotel he was staying at. He decided he would take a Cab. The cab took about an hour to get there. The night was rainy again and he remembered Evan,  thought about the bizarre accident and nearly began to cry again.  He shook it off. He wouldn’t let Laliana see him cry. The cab was forced to take a detour due to an accident and it took an extra thirty  minutes to get to the school, the cab fare was 130 dollars he paid it with his debit card and made his way through the rain to the fountain. Laliana was not there. He figured she was just late and laid down on the bench and waited in the rain for her to show up.

The sounds of the nights shower sang lullabies to him as he slept, he could hear them calling out a message with their symphony; a beckon. “Laliana, Laliana, Laliana Fortunada”.

“I told you to stay away” Laliana’s voice spoke. Darrell awoke and above him Laliana’s eyes swirled and danced and his heart fluttered as the smoke of blue and white did in her eyes.

“I love you” he said and then his nose began to trickle red.

“You’re so unfortunate” she said.

Darrell’s vison faded from the swirls of white and blue to black in the elapsing timeframe of a simple blink and his vision was reestablished in the setting of a hospital. A nurse called out of the doorway his mother and father and even Evan’s family came into the room.

“You’ve been in a coma Darrell” his mother said through a face decorated with sorrows. “It’s been 6 days” she said.

“They called us” Evan’s mother said. “We already lost one boy” her voice rippling between he syllables .  “I don’t think we need to lose another”.

“What do you mean?” Darrell asked. “How did I get in a Coma?”

“Mr. Masters”  an older man began, he was obviously the doctor by the lab coat and clip board.

“I don’t know how to say this but. You have brain cancer, a form of it that I have never actually seen before in all honesty, not in this country”

There was nothing said. Nothing to be asked. They sat in silence.

Darrells parents payed for radiation treatments and Evan’s family assisted in whatever way that they could whenever they could but eventually their savings nearly collapsed and their donations nearly fell to a halt.

A month later a man broke  into Evan’s parent’s house when Evan’s sister had come home from school, he kick the door in just as she was closing it. She was raped and beaten to the point that she went blind in her right eye. Her parent crashed the car when they received the call from the police after a passing by stander noticed the door open and went to check it out.

The bystander stole the mothers jewelry and was shot by an unstable cop while arguing with him over a traffic ticket 2 days later.

The rapist was never caught.

One day after the shooting Evan’s sister commit’s suicide by drinking as much of a gallon of bleach as she can before dying. The autopsy shows she died in pain.

1 day after that it is found  out that Evan’s father was injured in the accident and he has spinal damage, he is stricken quadriplegic a week later.

1 month following as Evan and Darrell’s family are having a get together, during a drunken moment it comes out that Evan’s mother and Darrell’s father have been having an affair.

3 days later Darrell’s mother kills her husband and burns down their house. She then kills Evan’s mother and drives off of a bridge.

1 day later Evan’s father is admitted to a hospital with no one to take care of him and is beaten to death by a disgruntled employee.  

3 year after his mother’s death Darrell is alone, he stares into blackness outside dimly lit by the moon. He can see the specks of fluorescence peaking at him from his old school where he knew Evan, where he knew Laliana. He has been texting her since he was discharged from the hospital 2 years ago but he has never received a reply. He stands to his feet and makes his way to his kitchen getting a bottle of alcohol and a hand full of pills then he downs the medication and guzzles the beer. He should go see her he thinks. Why wouldn’t he, he loves, her, still after all of these years. His cold is gone too. Damn he misses her, maybe she misses him too? Of course she does.

Darrell cried out her name and flung the bottle into the nearest wall. He  flicked on the light and looked around the room. the drawings of her, her eyes, her face, her body, their bodies, her name written upon roof and the floor. She was the house, she was his life. He dreamt for these past few years, every day, every night she was his mind and his mind was a temple to her likeness at all times.

He decided to go see her today. He couldn’t call a cab, he had no money, his money keeps leaving his bank account and he is trying to file for identity theft, He was over drawn by about 8 thousand dollars. He was on disability but it was only for about 700 a month and it mainly went to the house and food. He was sure to get his check and have it  broken into physical cash until his identity theft situation was taken care of.

He decided to walk instead. He would trek the cold streets and make his way to her today. He walked for the next three hours and made it to the school. His head was throbbing, his heart pulsating violently. His legs burned, his lungs ached as if thumbtacks had made refuge within his air ways. Yet he continued, drawn in by the winds harsh bellow.

“Go, Go, GO TO LALIANA!!!!”

“Laliana, Laliana, Laliana Fortunada”

He let out a cough, his soul weeping bloody joy through his eyes, unable to contain its own despair at  having been so long without its paradigm. He reached the fountain falling to his knees, letting out a cry of agony. Blood fell from his nose, his eyes, his mouth. Pooling at his hands.

“3 years” the voice of the Paradigm said. “3 years and I finally see you again”.

Darrell sniffled, the voice was an awakening, a release from his pain.

“Laliana” he wept looking up to her standing over him watching the pathetic mass of life’s masticated shit; the dilapidated frame of Darrell near skeletal to the sight, pale skinned, bloodied. His hair now having escaped his body, still wearing the faded orange jacket with a pair of faded worn jeans and no shoes.

“Laliana” he stood and with what ever force his muscle could still muster he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could.

“I’m sorry. Does it hurt?” she said, pulling back from him a bit and looking him in the eyes, her eyes swarming orange and red, burning like a fire, burning and raging and howling and roaring.

“Yes” Darrell said. “It hurts, it hurts so bad”

“Tell me about it, tell me what happened”  her voice was a symphony of subtle angelic wails. “Tell me what hurts”.

“My friend died, My mother died, my father died” he began to cry he fell at her feet and opened up to her all of his despair. “God and little Adrianna. EVANS LITTLE SISTER. WHAT THAT FUCKER DID!!!!!!!” he let out a roar to the heavens and fell to his hands in his pool of ejected blood.

Silence took over the area and only the sound of the fountain uttered so much as a tone for minutes.

“I can take the pain away” Laliana said, crouching down with her hands in her coat pockets.

Darrell eyed her, blood still flowing from his tear ducts.

“Do you want me to?”

He nodded. Laliana smiled, a smile that spoke an apology.

She took her hands from her pockets and wrapped them around his throat. “I’m sorry” she said squeezing hard on his neck. “But I can make it stop. Like this it’ll go away”.

Darrell looked into her eyes, red tears pooring down as he felt the asphyxiation pulling at his consciousness, tearing away at his life. His muscles tearing at the pressure, his blood vessel’s bursting. The bones of his necks cracking as it slowly began to break. He wanted to breathe wanted the moment to end but slowly for the next coming moments it continued. 

Laliana smiled a sweeter smile this time.

“I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t have to” she said “But don’t worry, I’m strong, the strongest in the world” and the smile was the last of Darrell’s memories followed by the feeling of his snapping neck. “Like this it’ll be over” Laliana stood to her feet, releasing Darrell’s corpse and allowing it to fall into his puddle of blood.

She smiled another sweet smile. “I’m sorry Darrell. I ate your luck. It could have been anyone. And their families, their friends and their loved ones”. She let out a slight giggle.

“I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to” Laliana turned away from him, placing her hands in her jacket pockets. “But we all have to eat. And you were just……….Unfortunate” .






Submitted: December 09, 2015

© Copyright 2021 Kossettes Novellettes. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Eman Nep

One word of advice: ignore words of advice. Particularly those regarding grammar. This is a refreshing, rhythmic joy to read. My greatest joy as a reader/writer is when I come across a new way to phrase our language or describe the world around us with said language.
Your style is strikingly similar to the works of Kate Tempest, and this story would fit right in to her world of "Let Them Eat Chaos".
This was both a fun, and profound read.
Hell ya!


Sat, April 29th, 2017 1:15am


hahaahaha thank you Eman I loved this comments

Tue, May 9th, 2017 7:14pm


You created a powerful yet terrifying story. Well done.

Mon, May 22nd, 2017 3:45am

Miss Midnight

Powerful! Koss, this was a beautiful creepy story flawlessly written. You have such a rich vocabulary that it makes reading your work a pleasure. The whole way through, I had a sense of foreboding. The build up was excellent and engaging. The ending was like a bomb going off and made me sit back and go "Holy shit", lol. Overall I loved this story! Fantastic!

Thu, July 27th, 2017 4:55am


I thanx this one is actually one of the faves I have written on here. I feel like the writing style was a bit grandious but I love so far.

Thank yiu fro read Midnight

Thu, July 27th, 2017 10:14am

Keke Serene

So booksie decided to refresh and erase everything. Ty universe

Fri, December 29th, 2017 8:06am

Keke Serene

So yeah this isn't uninteresting in the least, maybe I wasn't in a reading mood when I first attempted reading this. It's pretty engaging. I think it's in part because of the dialogue and then also of course the rich descriptions peppered throughout. :D
But her eyes, white and blue- one blind, one clear, perhaps, it makes me think of a sky, either cloudy or clear. But anyways, I at first wondered if she was even real because of her name and how loopy she sounded in general as a character. The eyes made me think ulterior motive certainly since a blind eye is a hiding eye. And honestly, I think she was pretty much just bad for our guy here. There doesn't seem to be any real reason why all these bad things are happening to him which makes this read just discouraging honestly. Though I will say the dio is hella strong here, it's great. :D
But yeah, I don't know if it was a mercy killing or downright murder her killing him. Just the fact she abandoned him is bitchy in itself and makes me dislike her. She left when he needed her most and wooow, just terrible.
Anyhoo, good job on this kossie.

Fri, December 29th, 2017 8:19am


She ate his luck

She literally said it........

Fri, December 29th, 2017 7:14am

Michael Porter

I wasn't sure that I would make it to the end but I am glad I did. You have a very unique voice. At first it felt clever for clever's sake. Just word play for the sake of it. But once it got into the meat of the story, the cleverness paid off because it informed Darrell's character. We have to like Darrell in order for there to be payoff. That first exchange between Darrell and Laliana cemented it for me. Okay I'm in. Quirky. Clever.

Thank you for sharing.


Wed, October 17th, 2018 4:53am


Hahaha thank you mr porter I really appreciatr it.
This is my fave style of writing and my fave story ive ever written

Thank you for the read :)


Tue, October 16th, 2018 10:56pm


Just unfortunate... WOW. Lemme rewind. I somewhat agree, 6pm can be really annoying some days, not all days of course. Haha I like the 4th paragraph. And after that great descriptions of her eyes. Very rich. Oh then suddenly everything falls apart. What a damn surprise. I was expecting something less interesting about this pretty girl, but not so shocking. She eats luck?!! Creative and good writing. Thanks for inviting me to have a read!

Mon, December 31st, 2018 3:45pm


Hahaha thanks for the read Liar I appreciate the read dude.

This one is so old but one of my fave characters Ive ever written.
Thanks again

Mon, December 31st, 2018 7:51am


Very well penned, my friend! I couldn't stop myself from reading the whole chapter. If you have time please try to look at my new book ' Patient no.3259' and let me know what you think about it.

Fri, March 8th, 2019 4:23pm


Well, you scared the living daylights out of me! Take that as meaning: 'loved journeying down your thrill-ride of blunt, in your face, shoved in your brain, terror! Loved it! Back for more soon! H-JF

Sun, April 7th, 2019 1:40pm


ok im only at the part with god and phone numbers but holy shit the line "or the world would burn down around him" is really good

Thu, April 25th, 2019 1:52am


this was really good?? the idea of eating luck, ive never heard of or thought about that but its interesting, well done. this was extremely enjoyable to read, thank you

Thu, April 25th, 2019 2:01am

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