Gretna Pie Revenge

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A town named Gretna celebrates a pie eating contest once a year, and this year a peculiar fat kid joins in the fun..

Submitted: November 14, 2009

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Submitted: November 14, 2009

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Gretna Pie Revenge
 
 
 
 
In the lower part of town Gretna, the residents enjoyed celebrating a day called pie-day once a year. There was a competition called the Great Gretna Pie Eat, or something along the lines of that. The most memorable pie-eat of the year was the year Dudley Logan showed us that he’s not to be meddled with, after being discriminated by his school colleagues for an entire year. The competition took place in Dudley’s school, which was named aptly, Gretna High. 
 
Dudley Logan was a nice kid really; I guess he just came from the wrong family. With parents that don’t really teach him stuff. He was pretty tall, rather fat and had extremely bad hygiene. That’s how he got the nicknames- stink-dud, fat-socks, DL the fat, among others. No one liked him in school, or so I heard, and he was constantly picked on for his size. Who participated in every year’s Gretna Pie Eat did not matter though, not even people with Dudley’s weird size. Every year, random people showed up- some fat, some tiny, some old and some crazy. You never knew. Dudley had decided to join that year. But he’d have to face one great participant that always showed up, and his name was the legendary Bill Travis.
 
Bill Travis had been the winner of pie-eat for several years on the run now, beating people by an entire pie sometimes. He stood 200 centimeters tall, strongly built and all, but he was a still patient and polite dude for sure. We knew because he was the local car-fix station’s co-president (though I don’t think that’s really all that honorable), and he’d politely introduce their services to any citizens that happened to drive their cars into there service co-ordinates. Anyways, he was a great eater and he proved it to people during the pie-eat every single year. And for this year, it was no different. The prizes for the competition were only a mere 15 dollars and a mega pie, but for him winning meant much more than getting prizes. Just like a good butcher would only sell you fresh meat, he had a reputation to keep, and winning the pie-eat was also a type of advertising for him. Loads of people that watched him win would become his fan, come around to get there gas filled over at his car fix station, and probably even let him clean their car or fix a thing or two.
 
During this year’s Great Gretna Pie Eat more than 1000 guests attended, the crowd was hot, the air was burning, and there wasn’t a speck on the sky. The entire green/brown track field of Gretna High was packed with guests to the point where there were people hanging on the fences, and even kids trampled on. Mayor Charlie, like every year, was there to host the competition and he presented a speech before the match officially started.
 “I would like to tell you people I’m much honored to host this superb competition, especially since we have such an amazing competitor- Bill Travis- every year. With him, the pie-eat just never gets old.” The mayor laughed, which was followed by an echo of laughter throughout the crowd. “Now, Bill, you’ve been showing us some legendary stuff in the past. How you feeling about it this year, are going to throw down more than ten pies?”
 “Mayor Charlie, I’ve never felt better. If it weren’t for the time limit, I’d eat every pie on the plate. Let’s rock ‘n roll.” The mayor chuckled and the crowd cheered, but the three other contestants frowned with either fear or boredom, you really couldn’t tell in those circumstances. What could be certain is that each of them knew they had little or no chance winning against this beast.
 “I’m impressed, very well said Bill. Now then, introducing you to the three other contestants of this Great Gretna Pie Eat! First of all, the experienced Jolly Granger, trying to win it this time after coming second in last year’s pie eat.” She stood out of the line of the would-be pie eaters, and people clapped. Some called her name, some held up signs saying “Get lost pie eating grandma” or “No chance against legendary Bill”.
 “Secondly, welcome the 49 year old barber, Bob Jones!” Out of all the contestants, Bob Jones looked like the most likely one to come last. People clapped nonetheless and roared anyways, though it was obvious many were sorry for him.
 “Finally, let’s welcome a very young contestant, a high school freshman, known as ‘fat-socks’ to many, Dudley Logan!” The mayor gave him a pat on his back and everyone cheered so loud, almost as if it was louder than Bill Travis’s cheer. Many people laughed though, still teasing him, probably looking forward to the young kid fainting before his third pie. The principal of Gretna High smiled secretly in the front row, trying to hide it from his wife who was much more well-mannered.
 “Now that we’ve introduced to you the four competitors, let them take their places.” Mayor Charlie finished with a wide smile, showing his wrinkles as he brought the contestants to their eating places.
 
The stage was a wide one, used usually for the school’s many performances, and in the very center of it sat the long table for four. Four large people, any way, since you never knew how fat the contestants were going to be. It had a white cloth spread over it, like those you see in formal restaurants, which purpose was probably to show the amount of mess the pies had made. This would add to the excitement of the competition, as it would be clear where the pie scrapings and bits were flying all over to. Let me tell you now, that the pie-eat was more than what met the eye. It was not simply a competition for fun and for celebrating the pie day; many other activities took place during the competition. The most obvious one was betting for your buck, many people placed bets of all kinds, and though most were betted on Travis many took their chances on others. There were a number of things to be considered before making the bet, such as how good of a eater he/she was, what he/she preferred and what he/she’s conditions were. What I meant by ‘what he/she preferred’ is which kind of pies they liked more. Sometimes there would be the hard-to-swallow apple pies; sometimes it would be the easy apricot pies. This year it was the nice blueberry pies, which was considered the happy medium. Other questions were- was he a good drinker, who could throw down 10 beers a night? Was he a fast eater who got slow, or a slow eater who got fast when things got serious, or was he an all-round steady eater? Many things need to be thought about, and for what I know they were all took into consideration that day. I don’t know how much money traded hands in total that night, but if you held a gun to my head and forced me to guess I would have said around 5000 dollars. It may seem like a pretty paltry figure, but for such a small town 15 years ago it’s a pretty damn big number. When the people arrived at the place, they would talk about whom they betted on, and then they would share food and drinks, and then settle down to watch with the bets made.
 
The mayor’s lady stood beside him, ready to blow the whistle to start and end the match later on. She held a stop clock on her left hand as well, for the ten minutes limit which the pie-eat rule held. All four participants were already sitting down, and out of them only Bill and Dudley looked calm. The mayor’s lady was a woman who denies to have been dating with the mayor, but none-the-less takes care of him with everything. She was the one who checked all the pie’s at the local pie shop to make sure they were all within a few grams in mass to be fair. The mayor’s lady blew the whistle and the mayor raised his hand to signal the match’s start, and the Great Gretna Pie Eat had finally begun. What happened immediately though was Dudley just sank his entire face right into the pie. Yes, no joke, right into the pie. It sounded like an entire hoard of pigs falling into wet mud. Bob Jones and Jolly Granger were eating with their hands as fast as they could, while Bill Travis had started throwing chunks of the crust into his mouth. There came a slurping sound that sounded no different then a horse’s crap coming out, as everyone noticed Dudley had started eating with his face directly in the pie. He fed so fast, it was unbelievable. If I was half-blind, I swear I would have called out loud- “There’s a pig in the competition!” The pie seemed to disappear around his round face almost magically, and soon he was licking the rims to make sure the plate was clean. Bill Travis had hardly eaten more than a half of his pie, and as he looked up he started getting scared. He doubled his efforts, but later on Dudley proved to him he could triple his. Mayor Charlie went over to check if the pie plate was clean enough, and he nodded at the assistant with the pies to bring another one. It was immediately thrown in front of Dudley, and again he threw his face right into the pie. Blueberry covered his entire face and upper body already, his ears were full of it, his face was smeared with blueberry jam and his eyes seemed to be blinded by them. People from the crowd were roaring now, screaming at the top of their lungs for both the legendary Bill and Dudley. Bob Jones was hardly a third of the way into his first pie, while Jolly Granger had only pecked at the crust. Bill Travis finished the first plate and received the second, shocked when he caught a glimpse at Dudley’s plate. He was up to the crumbs of his second, and soon would be on his third. There were blueberries around Dudley’s neck to the point that it was a terribly disgusting site, but people loved it. You couldn’t really help noticing the shocked eye’s of the principle of Gretna High. His jaw was literally open; probably more open than the trailing half of the competitors (Bob and Jolly). Dudley munched furiously finishing his second pie, and Mayor Charlie started to get rather worried for he himself had placed a big bet on Travis. “Slow down now boy, you don’t want to choke on the pie now do you?” He said as his third pie was placed in front of him. But as if the Mayor ceased to exist, he threw his face once again into his third pie, and this time almost a fifth of the pie flew out of the plate instantly. He munched and he munched, and all the people stared wide eyed as they witnessed Bill Travis trailing by an entire pie. He didn’t have the look on his face of winning; Dudley only looked like he wanted revenge. All the months of discriminating, he was about to prove them wrong. He had his plans, but no one knew then of course. When Bill finished his second and was onto his third in 5 minutes flat, Dudley was, shockingly, on his fourth. As he reached towards the end of the fourth, with 3 minutes remaining on the clock, he suddenly stopped. He slowly raised his head which showed his face covered with blueberry and smiled a cheeky smile. Bill Travis paused and looked up at him. He believed that this was his chance of taking over Dudley, when-
 
I’ll have to interrupt you for a while, explaining a certain scene in Dudley’s house right at that moment. In his room there was a medical box, and in there sat a bottle of stomach churner. It would make your stomach empty for a long while, and the point of it was to allow you to spit out anything you eat just incase you did eat. It was something taken by ladies who wanted to go on serious diets of course, and that day, the bottle lay empty and freshly drunk, beneath the bed of Dudley’s very own bedroom. No one knew about this, except-
 
Dudley looked around. He looked at the mayor and at Bill Travis. He noticed how the other two pie eaters were only just finishing their first pie. Suddenly, and this all happened in less than a second I swear, Dudley “fat-sock” Logan let out the biggest burp I’ve ever heard. You’ll have no idea what it was followed by. It was followed by a golden, corn-laded, pie crust filled string of vomit shot right at the Bill Travis and the mayor who stood beside him. It was a huge puke, and the entire crowd screamed with disgust and some even ran away yelling their heads off. You could have literally heard Bill’s “gaaaah!!” a mile away before the vomit hit him. Bill stood up twisting around in pain, covered in puke, momentarily forgetting where he was. The mayor fell flat on the floor rolling almost off the stage. Bill started to feel sick as well, and suddenly let out a swarm of puke right across a side of the first two rows of audience- they all yelled bloody murder and almost all fainted. The Mayor got up and said he “had to go” to his lady, but as he said it he vomited uncontrollably on his lady and she soon vomited all over as well. Some people in the audience also vomited everywhere, those who didn’t have the stomach to see such a thing. Most ran away, some laughed even, and some watched as if it was part of the show. But Dudley Logan sat there, in his seat with blueberry and puke around his face, smiling crazily. He never felt better, and he felt that he had finally let out all his anger he’d been keeping in. The stage could have been called the puke stage by then, the audiences were mostly horrified and there was chaos everywhere. With Mayor Charlie on the ground panting for air, Dudley stood up and walked towards him. He took his microphone and said to the audience- “I declare this contest a draw”. This was a truly memorable day for many people, either in a good way or bad way, but it was definitely Dudley’s most. No joke, the puking was unbelievable.
 
Later on that year and in the next couple as well, I don’t think Dudley’s name calling or discrimination stopped. For many he was a brave dude alright, and for others he was a smart ass. Anyone could have puked in the competition, so the mayor didn’t do anything to him, but when his parents knew they grounded him for a good month or two. Dudley only smiled and said “ok, sure”. For him, at least he got better names like “puking dude”, which could be a Gretna Pie Eat nickname for him if he imagined so. The most important thing is he was proud of himself to take that step, and he was happy for a very long time. It felt like being in heaven he would have said. The big question is- how did I know all of this? Well, I was there on the day watching in the crowd of course. And I’m still chuckling at those people who betted on the legendary Bill Travis, because I betted on Dud, and got myself quite a few bucks that day.
 
 
 


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