concequences

Reads: 14  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
a storie to get the past few months off my mind

Submitted: December 29, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: December 29, 2011

A A A

A A A


 

Sometime ago, I’m not exactly sure when but sometime I stopped fearing the consequence.  I told myself to stop fearing my consequences and I stopped and I really took this notion into consideration. I did it in just a split second something in my head clicked and I did it. My brain just made the decision on its own almost without my help and it just happened. A million pounds was lifted off my life in half a second, it was the best feeling id ever had. The best feeling of my life happened in my own head. It’s weird to think that such a great thing happened in complete silence, on a sunny afternoon, in a car on the way home from softball practice. And then the entire world took back its places and I turned up the radio and sung my way home, and enjoyed my lighter life. And it has been fun, I mean fun doesn’t describe it and I’m going to say this with the fear of sounding like a douche bag it has been really just thrilling. If there was ever a time or place to call something thrilling its now. That’s the best word for it. I’ve had fun and I’ve felt good and even my bad days are good on the inside because I just don’t care. But before you know it your drunk in your underwear on facebook, and your failing your classes, and your being made to go to study hall instead of softball which is really fucking terrible because you love softball with your whole heart and soul and you can’t believe you let yourself fall so far behind and your busting your ass to get your grades up and your fighting with your godforsaken mother and your back talking your principle and your craving a cigarette when you don’t even smoke and all you want is some dam liquor and you go to taco bell cause you love it and your meeting your only black friend who you never get to see anymore and she telling you about the night before and you can’t believe she got that drunk and fucked that guy and you go to her friend’s house with her to spend the night cause you just want some liquor and the guy seems nice enough and he hit on you pretty hard and you go even though you’re supposed to be home and then the hits start coming way harder and he asks you to go back to his room and pats the bed like in the movies and you don’t know if this dude is really serious and you can’t help but smile but then the smile fades real quick cause you realize your probably hurt this boys self esteem so you go and you sit down and he starts asking you if he can ask you a personal question and so he starts asking you a whole bunch of questions that you don’t think are all that personal but there questions none the less and you answer them and you can feel your face get beat red and your palms get sweaty and you sit there in silence and you keep staring into his face and he finally gets up and you can leave without hurting the poor boys feelings and then he makes another cheap move on you and you just can’t help but laugh cause your sure this guy saw all this in a movie and you can’t really even fathom that he thought any of this cheap shit would work on you and any way he asks you if you want to stay and talk some more or do a little more of anything else and you just smile and say no not right now and what you mean to say in not tonight and probably never anytime soon cause has not your type and you can’t help but think that’s this guy either has a lot of guts or is just plain stupid to think that he would actually be good enough to come anywhere close to getting with you because really dude you don’t even have a drop of liquor in your system and he thinks you’re just going to have sex with him so anyway you tell him not now and you see the disappointment in his face and you can’t help but feel bad for the guy because he’s been so nice and you just shut him down and he put himself out there and you know it’s got to hurt even  if just a little and you know how it feels so your chest aches and you try to be as nice as you can for the rest of the night and the night goes on and you have two beers and he wants you to take a hit and you’ve done it before it’s not your first time but no not tonight you can’t be drunk and high you think to yourself about the phrase three strikes your out and make a mental note that in this case it would be two strikes your raped and you chuckle a little but you can’t help but think it’s an actual possibility because it really happens to girls and it happened with that black friend of yours and before you know it that night is over and it a new night and she’s telling you about it and your crying to yourself in silence trying not to let her hear because she’s not even crying and you feel that pain of hers in you and it’s a real pain like no other pain you’ve ever felt and it burns down in you to your core and your soul and your almost grateful for the experice because you never were really sure that you had a soul before this night because you don’t have a conscience and you’ve never felt yourself feel like you are right then and you go one to tell her about the night last week when you shut the guy down all night and she knows and she saw because she was there but what she doesn’t know is that after you got a few beers in you, you went to his room layed down and spent the night in his bed and made out with him and you weren’t that drunk and you know this in your clear head of heads and you know you did it anyway partly because alcohol makes your horny and partly because you really just felt bad for the poor boy and so you tell her all of this and you feel better and you feel clean and you feel everything for the most part is out of your system and you don’t fall asleep until four in the morning because you’re up talking to your best black friend or just friend in the whole world but you know that you will sleep long and deep that night and you do and you wake up calm and you are just extrdanarily calm the whole next day and you feel good and before you know it you are at taco bell again but this time you are calling your coach to let her know that you passed all your classes and you’ll be at practice the first day back to school and all the rest of the days and you call and tell her this because you love softball and your committed to it like nothing else but also because you love your coach more than almost anything in the whole world, and you look up to her and she’s your role model and you cry every time you think about the secret that Sam told you months ago that she more than likely won’t be returning to coach next year and you hope and pray it’s not true and you just want to plead with her to stay two more years to stay and finish out coaching you the rest of your high school because she pushes you like no one else has in your whole life and you finish your meal at taco bell and have a good day and a eventful Christmas break and you tell yourself that you need to take your consequences in to play again and you know in your head of heads that you need to do this but it’s not as easy to do this as last time and you realize that it might take you forever to reverse what you did in half a second, months ago on that sunny afternoon on the way home from practice. And you think about the fact that you’ve been praying for god to send you a nice and good looking black boyfriend for months and you have been praying for him almost every night and you have been wishing for him at eleven every night and you realize that its dumb but you do it anyway because you really want that black man in your life more than anything because you just want to be all the more happier and you realize that there’s people in the world who suffer and you ask your selfish self why should you get so much happiness and you mind flashes back to that black friend who has went through so much and you love her all the same and you ask yourself what I your problem with black people is and why do you love them so much and you think to yourself only god knows and you feel your whole self clouding up with nonsense so you type it all down in Microsoft word, you type down months and months of stories and thoughts and you feel yourself being lighter again and before you know it, it’s one in the morning and your typing and the guy you know deep down in your head of heads that you love is calling you and you let it ring for a bit and look at his picture and then decline the call for whatever reason your stupid mind came up with maybe because he might be drunk dialing and he might admit to you about what a bitch you really have been to him because he has been texting you over the whole week and you probably literally have fourteen messages from him and you very well know it but you haven’t texted him back because you are scared and you don’t know of who or what but you one thing you are sure of is that you are scared and you are almost positive he’s not drunk and you are almost positive that he would never in his life call you a bitch because he won’t even let you call yourself a bitch and you are almost positive that the only reason you didn’t answer the phone is because you are scared and you know in your clearest thinking head of heads that he might love you back. So you stop typing and you spell check your long tedious document and you remind yourself to look up the meaning of tedious and you pray to yourself so hushed that god might not even hear that he calls you again.


© Copyright 2017 Kredskin20. All rights reserved.

Booksie 2017-2018 Short Story Contest

Booksie Popular Content

Other Content by Kredskin20

concequences

Short Story / Young Adult

Popular Tags