temporary insanity

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic
the final version of what drove me

Submitted: January 10, 2007

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Submitted: January 10, 2007







Temporary Insanity



I was sitting right across from him, Dr. Carl Webber,

world renowned psychiatrist for the mentally ill, and as of

today the biggest pain in my ass. He'd been sitting there,

observing me for the past 10 minutes ever since I stepped foot

in this hell hole. He looked up at me and smiled the smile that

I had seen plastered on his face everyday in the hallways, I

wondered if he knew how to do anything other than smile.

"So, Jessie do you have anything that you want to get out

in the open before we start?"

"This is ridiculous."

"Perhaps something positive."

"Not really."

"I see." There he went writing something down on that

stupid notepad that was sitting on his lap. He caught me

looking and smiled, "Would you like to see?" Did he honestly

just ask me that?

"Can I?"

"Its your records isn't it?"

"Well yes."

"You should be entitled to look at them shouldn't you?"

"I suppose so, but isn't it confidential."

"Confidential to everyone else, but not to you. You have

every right to see what I'm writing down Jessie." I was starting to lean forward when I realized that he was trying to

make me trust him by making me think that I had control. I

backed away and he frowned at me. I had never seen him do that

to anyone before. He leaned back in his chair and regarded me

for a few moment before speaking again. "Jessie?"

"Because everyone thinks that I'm fucking crazy."

"Alright the first rule in my office is no coarse

language, got it?"


"And no one thinks your crazy Ms. Martells, everyone is

just looking out for your well being."

"Or their pay checks."

"Touché." I laughed, for the first time since I had been

here. He smirked and moved from his chair, leaving his notepad

and pen behind. I kept an eye on him as he strolled over to the

mantel piece, and took the stuffed bear that had been resting

there. He handed it to me and than took his seat again, but he

didn't touch the notepad or the pen this time.

"What is this?" What did he want me to do with this? I

had no use for the creature.

"That would be my daughters favourite toy."

"And your giving this to me why?"

"She reminds me of you.'

"And how do you figure that?"

"She needs something secure to hold onto when she feels

like crying."

"I don't want to cry."

"When she's alone."

"I'm not alone."

"When she needs someone to talk to." I had nothing to say

to that, I was stumped.

"What was here name?"


"How come she doesn't need it anymore?"

"She past away."


"I think our time is up Jessie."

"Can I keep the bear." He grinned down at me.

"You most certainly can."


Why did they still bother me with things about her? She

was in that hospital for a reason, I trusted them, and they

still thought that I needed a play by play of what happened to

her, I was still getting over the fact that my ex- girlfriend

had killed someone, and it didn't help that that someone was

my girlfriend. I can't say that I didn't still think about her

cause that would be a lie, Jessie had been a big part of my

life, nothing will ever change that, not even the murder. I

guess the what they say is true "You don't the dream life, but

you get pretty close." Man, I swear to god that if I would have

known exactly what that meant when I first starting dating

Jessie, I would have given up girls all together. Man isn't

that the truth of it. One crazy bitch and your set for life.



Why do I feel like ripping the head off this teddy bear?

God it makes me think of her. Sarah. Why'd she have to get in

the way? If she hadn't happened than I wouldn't be in this hell

hole, having meetings with a therapist who thinks that I have

some great psychological problem, when the only problem I seem

to have is my jealousy.

"Jessie, Dr. Webber is ready to see you." Oh yeah me. I

get to go and sit in an office and watch some educated

professional stare at me for the next hour.

I always wondered why they painted the halls white,

according to Webber it was designed that way to keep the

patients calm, apparently white was the colour of sanity. Well

if that is true that I have but one question, Why on earth

would you paint an entire institute of insane people with the

colour of sanity? Unless of course your twisted, which I

wouldn't put past any of the nurses here.

His office smelled much like the scented candles that my

mother used to burn whenever she was doing yoga, and as I

walked towards his desk I realized that one was alight on top

of it. I made my way over to it, and pasted my hand through the

flame, when Webber walked in, he glanced in my direction and

than took a seat, watching my every movement until I paused,

hand poised above the flame.


"Yes?" What was he staring at, I wasn't the only person

who liked to play with fire.


"What are you doing Jessie?"

"Tempting the flame out of hiding."

"And why would the flame be hiding Jessie?"

"Because its afraid to show what it really is." He

regarded me after that statement. His eyes seemed to be trying

to look beneath my skin, trying ever so desperately to get into

my mind.

"Is that what you did?"

"Why would I hide, I know what I am."

"And what exactly is that Jessie?"

"A person who knows what she wants, and won't stop till

she gets it."

"Is that all?"

"Well you have my record you tell me."

" Your record so far only tells me one thing."

"And what is that?"

"That you killed an innocent young women."

"She wasn't fucked innocent, she was a lying, conniving,

little bitch."

"Is that what you tell yourself?"


"She did nothing to you Jessie, you didn't even know her

until you killed her."

"I knew her."

"And what did you know that she was dating your ex


"He was mine."

"No he wasn't."

"Yes, he fucking was. He was. She had no right to take

him from me. She deserved to die. I should have tortured her.

Laughed as the blood dripped from her body, and still been

cutting her while she was begging for my mercy."

Tears were falling down my cheeks, and it didn't even

matter anymore. I paced to the opposite end of the room and

threw my fist into the wall. I could feel the blood trickle

down my hand as the nurse came in the room, and as she carried

my out a droplet fell to the ground, that was the last thing

that I saw before they sedated me.



"Mackinnon and Moore Law firm, how may I help you?"

"Can you please put me through to Mr. Carter?"

"Can I ask whose speaking?"

"Dr. Carl Webber."

"One moment."

I picked up the phone the second I heard my secretary

utter that name. She quickly left the line, and my full

attention towards Webber.

"Mr. Carter?"

"What is it?"

"I have a theory that I would like to run by you."

"Why not."

"I would like you to come to one of Jessie's sessions."

"Why is my presence mandatory?"

"Because I believe that you are the key to unlocking the

truth from Jessie."

"And what made you come up with that?"

"You were her motivation, maybe you could also be her


"Your wasting your time Webber. Jessie is incurable."

"And why is that?"

"You could not hope could to get into her mind, and even

if you did you wouldn't last more than five seconds before she

drove you to her level of insanity."

"She's not insane."

"Yeah and I'm the king of the world." Silence filled the

void. "Stop trying Webber, she's not worth saving." That was

when I hung up, leaving him on the other line, with his stupid

theory, I said it was stupid and yet the thought of her getting

better, of finally knowing the truth drove me to think about

the possibility of calling Webber and announcing my agreement

to test his theory. What if he was right?



"I've invited Damon to come this Friday."

"He won't come."

"And how do you know that?"

"Cause if he cared he'd be here now." The look in his

eyes suggested that I had hit the target. Damon didn't care

about me anymore than he cared about his clients, he used them

for money, and he had used me for sex.

"Well he said if he had time he'd stop by."

"He doesn't have time."

"Well maybe he'll make time."

"He has sex nailed down to 6 minutes, and that includes

the time it takes him to get undressed, dressed, and be out he

door. So I highly doubt he has time for anything but himself."

"You doubt those who have faith in you."

"No I doubt those who doubt me." Silence again. I thought

he would be better at this, but he was a push over, nothing


"Is that a fact or a theory?"


"Really and how did you manage to prove that?"

"By not falling for anyone who appears to be anything

more than easy game."

"And yet you fell for Damon."

"He was different."

"What makes him different? Last time I checked he was

just another lawyer, in some law firm, in downtown Ottawa. Did

I leave anything out?"

"No, I think you just about covered it." I got to my feet

and walked towards the door, turned to add to my previous

statement, "By the way he was a boxer, just for the records."





I was pacing my study. I haven't paced since I won the

Coleman case when I first came here. Should I go? The thought

had been running through my head all week, and here it was,

Friday, 2:00pm, a half an hour before Jessie's session still

debating whether or not to show up. If I do it will be the

first time that I see her since the murder, six months ago. I

moved across the room, and jabbed the numbers into the hey pad.


"Hello, Jackson Ward."

"Carl Webber."


"Damon Carter, he's expecting my call."

"One moment." Hearing the receiver pick up on the other

end, and than the click signify that the secretary had

disconnected herself from the line.

"Mr. Carter?"

"Webber does that theory still want a test run?"

"Are you offering to help me, help her?"

"I'm offering you a chance to see what your up against."

"Thanks for the warning, but I can take care of myself

Mr. Carter."

"Well see."

"Yes, we will Mr. Carter. See you in a few." I don't know

if that was the stupid or brilliant, but the thought of seeing

her went from making me anxious, to making me want to cancel.

But, I knew that I had to go through with this. I owed her this




There she was, Ms. Penny Lacombe, my personal bitch. I

almost felt sorry for her, she was middle aged, looked about

sixty, and half the time I swear she wanted to throw something

at me. Even as she walked over to me with a smile on her face I

knew she was thinking of about a hundred and one ways to maim,

kill me, and hide the body. We were actually a lot more similar

than she let on. She took my hand and spoke in a whisper tone,

as if she was going to upset me or something along those lines.

"Dr. Webber would like to see you."

"What did I do?"

"You'll have to ask him when you see him, come on now,

let's not keep him waiting."

"How about let's." The look she gave me was pure

unadulterated hate, and I looked every second of it.

I can't say that I was eager to go to his office, but

something about today felt different, and for some reason I

knew that I would find out why when I got inside that office.

Penny knocked and than swung open the door for me,

revealing two heads instead of one. I strolled into the office,

pretending to not to be upset by the invasion that I felt creep

through my body.

"Ah Jessie, I have a surprise for you."

"And what would that be another shrink to help you

analyze me?"

"No actually this is someone you know."

"I know a lot of people." That was when he turned around.

Damon. He was in this office. He had came, made the time for

it, not a chance.

"What is he doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you would react to his presence."

"Do you want a blood bath? cause I don't think that these

are stain resistant carpets."

"You couldn't hit me, even if you tried."

"Don't be so sure of yourself Damon."

"Boys and girls play time is over, now would you both

take a seat."

"He started it."

"Real mature Jess."

"You know what I didn't ask you to be here."

"You didn't, he did?" Damon pointed over towards Webber,

and that was the moment that I knew I had been wrong to even

consider trusting him.

"And why is that?"

"Jessie whether or not you like it, Damon does play a

part in your life, whether it be major or minor, it is still


"I don't know what your taking about."

"You don't want to know, but you still do, and deep

inside you know it just as much as everyone in this room does."

I was infuriated, about to blow, and he was right within


"Man your smart. I had to kill someone before that

statement was obvious."

"No, that was just your twisted way of letting us know,

cause talking to someone was just so last month."

"She had it coming anyways."

"She was innocent and you know it." He was wrong. They

were both wrong. I knew why I did it, and I wasn't going to say

sorry for it either.

"She needed to be taught a lesson."

"Your mental, twisted, and sick."

"She flaunted it in my face."

"She was in New York, what'd she do teleport."


"Your unreal."

"And what you're the boy next door?"

"May I cut in?" I watched as both of us turned towards

Webber, eyes alit with unresolved anger. "Jessie why don't you

try telling Damon something that you keep bottled up."


"Why did you cheat on my, dump me, and than introduce me

to her? Just to prove you weren't lying?"

"Just thought that you would want to know, sorry for

trying to be considerate."

"Considerate, you never gave me a second thought, and by

the way six minutes is not sex, six minutes is a hard boiled


"Well what can I say, you just weren't worth more six." I

reached out and felt the impact as my hand hit his face. I

heard a crick sound as it snapped back, and the red mark on his

face, was priceless.

"No but that was more than you'll ever be worth to me."

"You not even worth that."

"Not that's right, I'm your little mistress, only good

when you need me, than discarded till the next time you feel

the urge to use me again."

"Do you blame me?"

"Yes I do."

"I don't need this bullshit, I told you Doc. Its useless,

she's a lost cause that everyone has already forgotten about."

"You're the reason-" He was already out the door before I

finished, and I was glad.

"Reason?" I swung back around, and there he was, Webber.

"You know what I'm sick of hiding it so here you go, I

killed her out of pure hatred. She took away from me the one

thing I ever loved and didn't even have the balls to tell me

that she was sorry. So before you and every other person in

this building passes their judgement on me, I have just one

thing to say, It takes two to tango."



Could she be anymore of a child? She blames her murdering

someone on me. I knew going to that place had been a stupid

idea, but what she did doesn't even begin to describe how much

I hate her.



"please, I don't even know you."

"Oh you know me."

"What ever I did, I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough babe." I could feel my hand get

weaker but I just wouldn't stop. I would pulled it out of her

and than raised my arm back and plunged it in again. Damon came

in and pulled me away from her, and that was when I realized

that she had about three times the stab marks that I had

anticipated. Damon walked over to me and started to shake me,

asked me what was wrong with me. That was when the paramedics

showed up. That was how I ended up here.



I opened my eyed and looked around to see where I was,

slowly pulling myself out of the dream world. She had said that

she was sorry, and I had still killed her. I now know why I

couldn't forget her face. Guilt. I had to get something off my

chest, but where were my clothes, fuck it.



It was freezing outside and yet the wind didn't even seem

to faze me in the slightest bit. I practically ran out of that

joint and down the street, till I was out of sight. I must have

ran at least 2 km before I reached my destination. I opened the

iron gates, and walked up through the fields of flowers,

stopping at her grave.


MARCH 18, 1985- APRIL 23, 2006




I owed her an apology, but I had no clue where to start.

So I bent of to the grave and stared at it, all my anger slowly

rising within me. Than I felt it come through me and all of a

sudden I started to cry as I uttered words I hadn't told anyone

since I had killed her.

"You brought this on yourself you know, and yet their

right you were innocent. I had only met you once and yet I

thought that you were trying to ruin my life in every possible

way. I blamed you for everything I could fix, and for

everything that seemed like it was impossible to fix. You died in by my hands, and know I wish it would have been me." Tears

streamed down my face, and when I could finally raise my head I

saw Damon on the other side of that iron gate, and as he waved

I knew that I was one step closer to being me again.


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