I could re-title and call it 10 years later, barely getting by...My Grandma made my world. The world seemed good then. She used to tell me that the only reason she was here was to love me...NOTHING will ever be the same again

4 years 4 why
Hot tears roll down my face
grieving a loss , nothing can rep[ace...
my solid center , the heart of my soul
torn and rooted in griefs fucking black hole
4 years 4 why
wasted years of the calander have gone by
tyme that passes, unremarkedly so,
and styll its clutches wont let me go
I remain captive submersed and surrounded
immobilized by loss  heldfast  by grief
4 years 4 why
no sign of  relief
NOTHINGNESS , as if tyme stood styll
haveing yet to move forward,
I wonder if I ever will
my solid center , the light of my soul
taken away and left me unwhole
of remedies, of healing
memories of borrowed tyme keep stealing
thoughts of the future like a corpse thats turned cold
in an instant I went from infant to unbearably old
the reasons  the meaning, validation for being-
Im left without seeing
for in my visions there was alwaysyou
strength to hold fast and beliefs that held true
and although I styll see your wonderful loving face
Im lost Im helpless and alone in this godforsaken place
hot  tears roll down my face
4 years 4 why
grieving a loss I can never replace
what does this future have in store.
t really doesn't matter I dont even care anymore
for I see nothing only pitch black
and all the grieving in the world
can never bring you back
so tyme that passes erases meanings and reasons for being
cold lonely infinite grief is all Im seeing
Like a mannequin directed through the motion
an abandoned ship tossed about by the ocean
no direction no course
held captive by grief and remorse
4 years 4 why
alone I sit
I cry...

Submitted: February 09, 2013

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Ian Dawn

I feel your heart ache and its comes across loud and clear in your work. The words dont do justice to your emotions but they help.

Mon, February 11th, 2013 5:06am


Thank you for your kind words and sympathy extended. The passing of time and the ability to freely express and to have that acknowledged, does wonders for the healing heart. Thank you again.

Wed, February 13th, 2013 1:11pm


I lived such heartache very recently as my daughter was thrown into a dark, dark hole and all I could do was watch and listen to the misery that seeped out of every pore of her being for what seemed an eternity. Never had I felt so helpless. I had 26 years that I believed was going to be ripped mercilessly from my heart...hot tears roll down my face, grieving a loss, nothing can replace...my solid center, the heart of my soul torn and rooted in griefs fucking black hole. These were the words I was looking for back then and they are just as powerful now. She was spared by the grace of God, so I know there is always hope especially in those dark moments when despair engulfs us. That was a very powerful piece...

Tue, February 12th, 2013 10:46pm


Love and Light, to you and your daughter and always blessed be. I certainly hope that you are both in a better place. Thank you for your share, reading my work and commenting.

Wed, February 13th, 2013 1:03pm

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