5 Things I hate

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
5 Things I hate and why

Submitted: November 23, 2008

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Submitted: November 23, 2008

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Dentures  
 
 I was a small kid when suddenly one bright morning, without any warning I got introduced to this evil invention. I saw something that scared the hell out of me. My grandmother was sitting in the garden, enjoying the sun. I was running like an out of control rabbit when I heard her voice. She was calling me. I ran towards her and she asked me to bring a glass from the kitchen for her. Like a man (sorry kid) on a mission I ran to the kitchen where her glass was lying in a corner. I picked it up and ran back towards her, gleaming with joy and proud of my achievement. I handed over the glass to her and she smiled. I kept waiting for my reward. It was a long run to the kitchen and I had to interrupt my play for her so surely she must have something to reward me with. A candy perhaps. Instead, what happened next shocked me out of my wits. She pulled her teeth out of her mouth and shoved them into the glass. I screamed, terrified. Grandma!! That’s your teeth!! She just sat there smiling and I ran away from her. Help!! God! Someone! My grandma pulled her teeth out of her mouth. She just grabbed them and pulled them out!! Holy Cow!!! My grandma is a monster. Later in the day I got more information on this weird thing called “Dentures” and I wondered for days as to why? Why? God made Dentures. I mean yeah you make people, you make dogs, you make trees, you make gas cylinders and double deck buses. I understand all that but “Dentures”!!! what were you thinking God? I mean what next? My Grandma pulling out her nose, ears out and putting them into a glass! Why? Why? You had to do this to me? But then, I grew up and calmed down a bit but I still hate “Dentures” . Atleast there should be some warning issued to small kids. Maybe Grandma should have worn a T-Shirt saying… Warning! Teeth about to come out!
 
Lizards
 
I mean whats the point? Why are you on my wall? What do you want? And excuse me but is that you tail on the floor???? Aren’t you supposed to carry it with you all the time? And it’s moving!! Wow! It’s moving! Hey! You weird thing with ugly eyes and uglier feet, your tail is calling you? Oh so you don’t care huh! What? You’ll just grow another? What? You will GROW another tail? So what you’d water your butt everyday for 2 months, plant some seeds in there or would you go for a transplant? Ok so you don’t talk do you? Fine. So you would just stick to the wall whole day? Oh Hey! You moved? What.. You sucked in a fly!! Yeah I saw you. You swallowed a fly? The fly didn’t even move. You didn’t moved. It just went into your mouth? Like a vaccum cleaner you just sucked it in. Oh but your tail is still moving on the floor and all you care about is sucking in a fly. God I hate lizards
 
 
Women Empowerment
 
Alright so I hear this term a lot. Yeah I hear it being mentioned here and there. Some funny articles in magazines with a hot chick in Business suit, rimless glasses, looking busy. Alright. So whats the deal? Women Empowerment. Stand up all women of the world, unite. Raise your voice. Against what? Yeah I understand the downtrodden women in remote villages with domestic violence and all that. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally against all that. Yeah I agree when you say that women should be given equal opportunities and respect as men. Yeah. Of course. I agree but …. Don’t bully me. I mean yeah okay. What have I done? Help me! All these women magazines, newspapers, Tv channels, radio stations trying to provoke nice girls, making them standing up for their rights… Get up! Protect you dignity! Stand tall against injustice! You are a woman! You are the one! Blah! Blah Blah! Men are DOGS! Men are emotionless! Men are worthless! Men are selfish! We don’t need men! Excuse me!! What have I done? I come in peace. Please don’t hurt me. I mean no harm. Help!!!! We need a men empowerment drive. And we need it now!
 
 
Telemarketing Calls --  
 
Sir! Do you need a personal loan, credit card?
No.
Sir we have a very good scheme?
I’m not interested
Sir we are offering a very good rate of interest
I’m not INTERESTED
Sir we are offering life time validity with a membership fee waiver
Can you hear me? I said I AM NOT INTERESTED
Sir we will also provide an add on card for your spouse
HELLO HELLO! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I AM NOT INTERESTED
Sir we are offering a travel bag free to the first 20 applicants
IIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAM NOOOOOT INTTTTTTTERESTED
Sir when I can send my executive to collect your form?
GO TO HELL AND DON’T EVER CALL ME AGAIN
Sir do you have any reference of any friend of relative who might be interested
$^%@^%@&*^@%%$%@!)(!*&^Z$^%
I would give you a call again tomorrow sir. You seem to be busy at the moment.
Thank you for your understanding!
Thank you Sir

I HATE TELEMARKETING CALLS

Technology Upgrades ---
 
I love technology. I love gadgets. What I hate is how soon the flashy new state of the art gadget you bought last week becomes outdated before you finish reading and understanding the user manual. Why? Why? A few years ago, I wanted to buy a Playstation. I so badly wanted to get one but no one would let me buy one, let alone gift one to me. People around me told me it’s a waste of money. I knew it was not so I worked hard for it. Saved money for months and finally when I felt it was time to bring my PS home, out came PS2. Yeah ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Playstation 2. It will make the old playstation look like a pile of trash. Thank You! That’s all I needed. Alright so I stretch my limits, wait for a couple of months and bring home the new swanky, state of the art Playstation 2. Yipee!! Time to bring in some new game titles to play on it. So I run from store to store, asking for PS2 games when I stumble upon a poster proudly declaring … “The all new PS3 ….Coming Soon!!” NOOOOOOO!!!! Why? Why? Why? Same with iPod. You buy a 20 GB and they come up with a bigger better iPod, then I iPhone, video iPod, …. iPod 2,3,4,,,,, stop! Some body make them stop! TakeNOKIA. Nokia launches N91 and I lose sleep over it. A few months down the line when I am still basking in the glory of my 4GB stylish N91, they come up with N92 … N93, N95. OK, so I get the N95 but then ….. the new and improved N958GB…. I mean why???? What am I supposed to do? Flat screen TV, Plasma TV…. Full HD LCD…. 1080dpi….. Hello!!! Excuse me. Please stop. Give us a breather. Let me bask in the feeling of possessing the latest, state of the art gadgets for a while instead of making it obsolete in a couple of months. Give us some time!!! Please!!!! Go easy. The world is not coming to an end. Ok so you have already come up with the N96 but please…. Don’t you dare come up with a PS4 next month.


© Copyright 2019 Kshitij Sharma. All rights reserved.

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