The Bottom of My Couch

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This one is about my couch

I look at it, sitting there all soft and fluffy
And as I sit my world and the other becomes hazy
I sink into a lucid trance
Destroying impossible and forgetting cants

Life starts too gain its sheen
As I sink into the seams
Time itself starts to slouch
As I sit in my couch

Life blows on and reality is slurred
Everyone listened, no one heard
But the band plays on
The music must go on

The music is loud and the trumpets are playing
And as I get up, I am saying
Hello! I am alive
I turn to mother nature and take a dive

Submitted: July 04, 2007

Poetry

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soraya

HAHAHAHAHA first to comment XD your couch O_O OMG luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucid!! yay ^_^ i love the ending where you dive into mother nature, beautiful choice of words and nice way to end it awesome kuatsssss

Fri, July 6th, 2007 7:11am

Author
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Thanks soraya. mmm my couch IS lucid :D lol

Fri, July 6th, 2007 8:53pm

Rabbid Rabbit

Very nice.
Personally I enjoy you references to the difference between your world and the "other." The poem has a very unique flare.
Though if I may, I have 2 tiny changes I would recommend to increase effect.
Line 3: And as I "laze"; would add emphasis the joy and comfort of your couch.
Line 11: "Yet still" the band plays one; to me has more persistence and perseverance. it also feels to me like it adds that the band doesn't care who listens.

Fri, July 6th, 2007 9:53am

Author
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Thanx im glad you liked my poem. Thank you for the tips also... im a new writer and i like to hear what people like and dislike thank you for bieng so honest about your comment :D

Fri, July 6th, 2007 8:55pm