This is about a guy who I thought I missed when we decided to go separate ways. As it turned out he wouldn't leave me alone, but before I discovered that I had already written a peice

I miss you.
I was not expecting there to be this many low points without you.
I've tried to replace you, but I can't.
I've questioned my faith, my worth, and my life.
I want to talk to you, but we said we wouldn't. 


Yet I see how you silently talk to me.
That's not fair, showing me the bracelet I gave you in your every video or picture. 


How am I supposed to to respond? 
I am breaking apart inside.
I've lost so much in these three almost four weeks.
I've lost my way, I don't see life as appealing.
I don't feel much other then pain.


 I hurt.
Too much. 
Without you. 


The days are entirely too long.
My nights, if I don't fall asleep quick enough, suffocate me.
You haven't completely left me.
Even when we physically have and said see you later.
I really hate seeing all this rain and green, without you.
I can't irritate you with those things now and that's very hard. 


I don't cry about you very much anymore.
I have come close though.
I've curled up into a pathetic ball and waited for them to drip down my face.
I don't get that relief, there are no more tears.
I've used up all of them.
I want to cry, hard.
There has to be something else to feel, other then the ever aching hurt of life.
My heart hasn't felt alive, just dully thudding along.
My feelings for you are not ebbing away. 


How did we survive July? How will we get through now?


I know I shouldn't be watching your videos anymore, 
But I want to hear your voice again.
A part of me will not let go.
I am selfish and terrible, to even be telling you this.


Why won't I move on?
Why can't I be okay?
How can you look so together?


I care too much.
I think too much.
I love you too much. 


Please do something mean.
So I can be angry and have it easier to move on.
I am allowing myself this selfishness,
Because I don't see how I'm going to move on with the way we left things.
We ended everything so beautifully.
I can't believe I want to unwrap all of the hard work we put into getting things this way.
But I do.
I want what I can't have. 


I hate living.
I asked God to take my life.
But he left me alive and I gotta fake through life everyday. 
I want to drown my sorrows, but there is no outlet.
Except for typing this,
fully knowing that I won't post it. 


Rick, there's nobody I'd rather be with then you.
I don't care about my family's opinion of you.
They don't know how much I feel about you. 


You don't even know.
You might not.


I love you. 


I don't even believe in love.
But I love you, as contradicting and confusing as it is. 


This separation feels different then anything I've ever been through.
So what if we were dumb and stupid?
We are bound to make mistakes.
I know you want to respect me and I want to give you the chance.
But I can't, there isn't any form of communication that we agreed on.
I hate that everything is silent. 


My life is slowly draining.
I may be okay at one point.
I may look amazing on the outside, but my insides are gone.
You have them, you didn't even have to try. 


You just do. 
Rick, I miss you. 


More then life, 
There is now internal strife. 


My mind won't ever let me forget,
That we are taller then midgets. 


Or that there was green on trees,
With a great passion of Bees?


Our dance with the lady at the Riptide,
Laughter and Joy were truly tied. 


Unfortunately separation is lame,
Oh and butts just aren't the same.

Submitted: April 19, 2015

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Add Your Comments:


Adya Dutta

'My heart hasn't felt alive and dully thudding along'. One of my fav lines from this amazing piece of art. Beautiful. Keep writing.

Sun, April 19th, 2015 10:00pm


Thank you! I tapped into how my heart seemed to stop working properly (:

Thu, April 23rd, 2015 11:45pm


I could feel my own pain reading it!thk u!

Tue, April 21st, 2015 10:32am


That was a truly trying time, glad you could relate!!

Thu, April 23rd, 2015 11:46pm

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