Tommy De Zombie
“Welcome to the Chuck Howard Halloween show. Let’s welcome our first guest.”
“Please be seated. I love your costume. Zombie, I guess.”
“Well Chuck, this is not a costume, and I am really a zombie.”
“You’re pulling my leg aren’t you?”
“No Chuck, as you can see my hands are in my lap: so I can’t be pulling your leg.”
“Well, can you give me your name?”
“Sure, it’s Tommy De Zombie.”
“Zombies don’t actually talk, or do they?”
“Yes they can. However we prefer to moan, groan and stagger makes us more sinister.”
“Tommy am I safe. You won’t eat me will you?”
“No I had a late dinner, so you’re safe.”
“Anyone that I know?”
“Yes, unfortunately, one of your crew members. I believe it’s one of your cameramen.
“What do I tell his wife?”
“Tell her that he was superb.”
“Uh, Tommy your left eye is lying on your cheek, can you put it back in its socket? You’re grossing me out.”
“Oh that explains it. I see both the floor and you. Easily done, that’s better.”
“Tommy, will you tell the audience and me how you became a Zombie?”
“Well, I was walking through the park one day, in the early month of May.”
“PLEEASE… just the facts.”
“Okay. Do you remember reading about the accident that happened at ChemLab?”
“Yes, however they later denied it, stating that the incident never happened.”
“Well it did, and I’m living proof of that, if I can actually count myself as living. I was working in the lab when the gas was accidently released. I raced towards the front door with others, before the building was shut down. “
“When did you first notice that you had, uh, changed?”
“I passed out shortly after fleeing the building. When I awoke, I found myself very hungry, so I chomped down on the first human that I came across.”
“Would you like some water?”
“I would prefer a glass of putrid blood, but water will suffice.”
“Tommy, what are you doing on the floor?”
“My little finger fell off when I picked up the cup. I saw it drop on the floor. Ah, here it is. Do you have any super glue so that I can replace my finger?”
“You won’t lose anymore body parts, will you?”
“No and if I did, super glue would fix the problem.”
“My stage manager found a tube of super glue. Uh, would you like a can of air freshener? I hate to say this but…..”
“I know, I smell ripe. I used a can of air freshener before stepping on stage, should have lasted longer.”
“Here you are the super glue and everlasting air freshener, pine scent I believe.”
“You may want to cover your face while I spray.”
“All done, at least I should smell better.”
“Somewhat better, but…”
“I know, I know.”
“Well, our times up. I want to thank you for appearing on our nightly show.”
“It has been a pleasure.”
“I have one last question for you.
“After you leave the show, what are your plans?”
“I’ll probably hunt down a late snack.”
“Am I, the crew and my late night audience safe?”
“Yes, as long as you stay out of the alleys.”
“Audience keep that in mind, no alley walking and good night all.
© Copyright 2016 Ladytiel. All rights reserved.
Short Story / Humor
Short Story / Humor
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