The Rebirth VIII-Tell me why

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A father's cry for the love for his son of whom he is not allowed to see only because of his financial difficulties.

Submitted: November 15, 2015

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Submitted: November 15, 2015

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Langeni Mate

The Rebirth Poem VIII - Tell Me Why.

Criss cross my hands are tied. I'm unable to touch you. Don't save me. I want you to see what you have done to me so Tell Me Why. Tell Me Why you purposefully make me feel like I'm not worth it. Don't confuse yourself, I'm a coconut, you would struggle to break me from the outside but once you do, sadistic rewards are all you taste. I'm not pleading with you to see my way of thinking, just understand that this world has 7 billion people, not one. Criss cross you've tied my hands and now my legs. I can't walk anymore. You took away the ability to obtain my Success but that's okay. If anyone asks me to speak about the future all I can ever tell will simply be memories so listen closely. I was all grown up. Had responsibilities and whatnot. Didn't have to listen to my parents. Had freedom and whatnot. But see that whatnot had me mix the two. I became so free I created my own responsibility so hello baby boy. I name you Katlego. I've spent more weeks thinking about you than the amount of days I've been given to hold you. Son. You are my everything. When you are old enough to read this just know that you are my everything. Don't question your mother about what happened, it's my fault. I thought you were made out of pure love but I'm sorry son. I am so sorry. After you were born I lost my biggest client so clearly love can come in the form of a stipulation. But. Please. I'm begging you. Never tell yourself that you were a mistake. You should thank your mother for taking you away from me. It was never announced that the ocean levels have risen because the tears I've secretly shed have helped millions. Everything just happened so fast. I honestly, honestly thought that she was the one but love isn't blind. It's simply a drug. Once the high doesn't suit you, you try new things. My dearest Son. Katlego. My own Success. Don't take my stupidity. Life itself has a series of contracts so make sure you read all the fine prints before you tell a broken story to my grandchildren because there are pieces of you missing. Some women are like puzzles. Regardless on whether they see the picture or not, if there's a piece missing she will still feel incomplete. Incomplete picture I couldn't picture what had I done to make her feel incomplete. Was I too loving? Did I give her too much attention? If two wrongs don't make a right next time I'll consider beating you and give you a new polkadotted appearance on your skin. Maybe then you will stay. Does that sound good? Tell Me Why. Tell Me How. Tell Me When. Don't Tell Me With Whom. I won't drive across the country to save you, I'll drive across the country to not allow my son to grow up with a step father that has money but beats his lover. That's the motto: As Long As My Boy Is Okay. I couldn't remember when last he danced to the moon and back in seeing you getting a Versace dress whilst he gets a new toy truck from the corner shop. Sometimes, I would shed a tear. I would go to sleep with the thought that my own son, my flesh and blood, will be thought not only to just run away when the Amazon Forest has become the Sahara Desert but could possibly be raised by a man I don't even know. He could be thought things I am against, be shown things I don't approve of, be made to follow and worship a God I don't believe in. Now Tell Me Why. Tell Me Why have I not been given my own responsibility. Just because of money? Money has never raised a child, it just so happens that there are insufficient leaves to cover us so we needed new material to clothe us. To the mother of my child, I can't call you by your name because I don't know who you are anymore but I feel that you should know something. Our son's name is Katlego for a reason. Yes I do pray that he is Successful and is a respectable man but when I first held him, inside I knew that from that moment, for every day that I'm still alive, every day I get back home after a long day, every time I feel like I just can't do it anymore, I knew that my Success story wouldn't come from the money or respect I've earned, but from the person I'm doing it for. Criss cross you've tied my hands and my legs, but the day my son reads this, my silent voice shall scream the shackles off of me and I will be free. But until then, all I will do is cry and pray.


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