I Won't Give Up

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Never give up on love. A beautiful love we all wish to have...

Submitted: May 19, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 19, 2012




You sip your tea silently. The occasional sound of the cup touching the wood table fills the air along with your heavy sighs in between tastes. I can’t marvel how amazing you look sitting with your legs crossed, brown hair twisted into a messy bun, and the way your nose scrunches up as you read the morning paper. I enter the kitchen and you don’t bother making eye contact with me, but I long to see your dark blue eyes without the tears that I caused cascading from them. I long to hold you in my arms like we did the first night me made love all those years ago. I long for you to whisper the words I hope to hear because I meant them every time they were said.

But your melodic voice never speaks and I give you your space like you said you needed, ignoring you is the hardest thing I have to do. I feel the minutes wasted pass by as you sit there in front of me like an artist’s model waiting to be painted. I want you to know though that I don’t need you in front of me to paint. I have remembered every curve and every crevice on your body. I have remembered all the looks we have shared for the past three years and the looks I wish we never gave. I have remembered the woman I love and will love until the day I die just as we promised months ago in the church where your parents were married.

My hands begin to ache as I squeeze them tightly wanting them to stop from reaching out to you. I fill a mug with coffee and rest across from you, smelling your strawberry shampoo as I pass, I nearly faint for your smell intoxicates me. I begin to wonder if you know this. I wonder if you know what you do to me. How everything about you puts my heart beat into double time.

We’ve been through tougher times, you know this much. And no matter how much I wish to forget the fear we both had as I was deployed for the first time shortly after we met, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a time where nothing else mattered. Although I hate leaving you, I come back loving you more than ever knowing you have waited and loved me, remained strong for me and us, as I fought across the ocean with thousands of miles separating you and I.

Times seem to change. It’s no longer a white picket fence when I return anymore. You seem on edge and I wonder if you’ve given up on trying to start our family that we desperately want or have you given up on us altogether?

When I feel like caving in and putting you out of your misery and pain, I think back to our first date. You remember, don’t you? The back of my truck as we lay watching the stars, that old movie playing in the distance at the drive-in-theater, and our hands intertwined as our two friends laughed in the front seat mixing with the sound of nature. I’ll never forget the way you looked with the glow of the moon on your face and your hair cascading around you. I hope you know how nervous I was. My heart beating wildly and palms sweating, my stomach flipping. You had me falling for you and all too soon I would be leaving. You knew this and when you said you would wait for me, I knew right then, I was going to marry you.

Maybe that’s why I won’t give up on us. The way you spin my life and turn it upside down is something I would miss. Without you I would be incomplete. No matter how big or small of a fight or what type of problem we face I will always love you for you are the ocean to me, taking up most of my life compared to anything else.

I catch you looking at me as we sit across from each other. Your eyes looking like my ocean and I gaze at you until you turn away, a light blush coloring your cheeks. I reach for the paper you have placed on the table and slide it across watching you peer at me from under your long eye lashes. You look as beautiful as you did on our wedding day, a day I’ll never forget. I’m not being biased just because I’m your husband, lover, and best friend. It’s the truth. You have always been beautiful to me.

My eyes flip from the paper to you and back. I’m no longer focused on the news but on you as you stand up and stretch your legs before sitting your cup in the sink and walk to the window gazing out. I follow you, taking a deep breath before standing beside you feeling your heat and smelling that sweet smell of strawberries again.

I clear my throat, cross my arms, and say your name which slips off my tongue with such ease, “Mona.” You look at me as expected.

A tear rolls down your cheek; you wrap your arms around my waist, breathing me in. I place a kiss on your head and rub your back to comfort you. You know where I’ll be in a few days time. Not being with you is something I can’t fathom. But it happens. You knew what it would be like the day you said you loved me too.

“I’m sorry,” your silky voice is rough from your cries and I pull you tighter against me; holding you in my arms comforts me as I hope it does for you too.

“Me too, love,” and you pull back to look at me. Your eyes red and puffy but you look beautiful to me.

Your hand slips under my shirt and I feel you place a hand over my dog tags that lay against my chest. I bend slightly to capture your lips in mine and we become consumed in a breath taking kiss. I close my eyes to remember this, the first contact we have had in days. This is what reminds me about why I married you, why I want you to carry our child for nine months, why I want to grow old with you. A passion like ours is something that should not be denied, and I feel myself wanting you more now than ever but we have time for that later. Holding you is enough for me.

We break apart struggling for air and trying to calm our racing hearts. A smile breaks out on your face and I return the look.

“I love you.”

My heart swells at the words. “I love you, too.”

I barely notice your hand take mine to place it over your stomach under your t-shirt. But when I look into my ocean I catch a glint in your eyes that says it all.

You say it anyway and it makes it much more beautiful. “I’m pregnant.”

Somehow my smiles grows until my cheeks hurt and I pick you up and carry you to the bedroom realizing I can no longer wait ‘til later. Then after we’re stripped down to nothing I crawl up next to you and place kisses across your stomach.

And tonight when we lay together after making love, I’ll wrap my arms around your waist and hold you and our unborn child through the night, silently telling you everything will be alright and I’ll come home to you as I always do. We both know, though, that I can’t make promises. But if there is one thing you have taught me over the years it is to never give up. Never give up on loving you, never give up on us, never give up on coming home to you and our child

And that is something I can promise.

For you, my love, are my ocean and wherever you are I will be the boat sailing your seas until you carry me home at last.

© Copyright 2018 Lannie Cole. All rights reserved.

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