The Master

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A lie begets a's a cautionary tale

She said “Who was that on the phone?”

 “What?... Why would you even ask that?”  I said

See what I did there, I answered a question with a question. That’s a man trick we all learn early in life. That buys us some time to make those millisecond decisions. Some of us learn to master it. The real masters such as myself always pop the double questions, What? Why?.. The ones that don’t master the trick pay alimony, child support and live in their parent’s spare bedroom…. So now I have that millisecond to review my options in my head,. decision time, do I (A) tell her the truth, that I was flirting with the Comcast Cable girl. ..or.. (B) Tell a lie…… I’m going with lie, option (B) ….The conversation continues:

She said “Well when I walked in I overheard you say something about Saturday night and I could hear a female voice talking on the other end”

A lie begets a lie………I can easily deflect this but it may cost me a steak dinner. Listen to the master.

“What? Oh you just overheard me making dinner reservations for us Saturday night” I said

“Great where are you taking me”

“Steak House”..

“They don’t take reservations at the Steak House”,  

Rut Roh, who knew, I thought all restaurants took reservations? ..What kind of restaurant doesn’t make reservations? Ok think quick, a lie begets a lie begets a lie……Hand me the shovel this is going to get deep... Stand back and listen to the master work.

“What? Wait?..Did I say Steak House?”

See what I did with the multiple questions again. Remain calm, never let em see you sweat. Ok restaurants with reservations

“I know Steak House doesn’t take reservations, I meant Sargento’s”.

So now the lie beget lie has gone from a $40 Steak House dinner to a $200 dinner at Sargento’s one of the nicer Italian Restaurants in the city. That stings a little. Especially since technically I did nothing wrong. But man law says, “Once a lie has been put it motion it remains in motion” or was it Issac Newton?. Anyway, I don’t want her not to trust me.

“oooo I love Sargento’s” Molly says “can you call her back and make the reservations for four, Lori’s birthday is Saturday, we can take her and Dave out for her birthday”

Dang, now it’s a $400 dinner. This thing is snowballing fast. I get up and run out of the house before I say anything else. A harmless little flirt is now going to cost me a $400 dinner and an evening with Dave and Lori. Of all our friends dull Dave and loud mouth Lori are my least favorite and Molly knows it…..Surely she didn’t..Naahh

Saturday comes around and there we are at Sargento’s. Being the gracious host I am I sneak over to our waiter to inform him it is Lori’s birthday and maybe they can bring some birthday cake with a candle to help us celebrate.  The entire staff brings the cake with that gestapo ice cream and we all sing happy birthday. I make my all-purpose birthday toast with our second $40 bottle of wine that Dave is swilling like Hawaiian Punch ….

“Happy Birthday Lori, may you live as long as you want to and want to as long as you live”

We all eat cake and gestapo and after the waiter leaves Lori leans in and whispers….

“Thank you but actually this is not my birthday, my birthday is January 16 day before Molly’s”

What the hell just happened?

I look at Molly and said “I thought you said today was Lori’s birthday?”

She smiled “ What ?  Why would you even ask that”?

She’s good. Maybe the master has met his match.

Submitted: February 06, 2014

© Copyright 2020 Larry Jackson. All rights reserved.

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B Douglas Slack

"Oh, what tangled web we weave...". I love the 'gestapo' ice cream.

Fri, February 7th, 2014 12:18am

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