Constellation of Dandelions

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

What can possibly happen when we choose to follow our heart instead of dreams?

 

That’s what happens when you follow your heart, you find yourself being left completely alone among so many people who are supposed to be your everything but are only reminding of the loss you experienced. Courage is highly priced on the market of nowadays mental abilities. Being fearless, optimistic. Individualistic, able to break from the crowd, step up and scream. Scream that you’re different, that not everyone is spoilt. That there’s still hope for whole humankind.

 This is got to be a good life, right? When a child is born, there’s hope. He or she can be anything they want to. Ballerina? Here it goes. A singer? Firefighter? Lawyer? Pick one. Live your dream and try not to regret making any further steps. Have something to hold on to. A dream perhaps. But what is a dream? Why are the dreams such mysterious things that people are giving time and resources to understand, to get closer to appreciate them but in the reality end up with nothing at all?

In dreams there are no limitations. No boundaries, just courage and strength. To do what you’re afraid of doing in real life because the foreseen consequences are breathtaking. Human mind doesn’t have a capacity to store the power of accomplished dreams. Therefore, we stumble. And usually fall in ocean of tears and pain.

Yet, there are some who can gather the rest of their strong will and be strong, sturdy enough to stand up. Try again, this time bearing in mind that having everything is impossible. Success in every single area of life would be against God’s will, against destination and questionable fairness and equality of humans.

She had a chance. An incredible opportunity which she never saw coming until it did. If only she knew… But she didn’t. She was completely clueless about the funny way her life would intersect in the next couple of years when she made her decision.

Few people in such a young age as eighteen years old are able to determine what they future is going to hold. Even fewer have enough motivation and ambition to patiently follow the path they once chose. Careful preparation, fulfilling the checklist established years ago and following “the plan” are not enough. They should be, shouldn’t they? Young, aspiring medical student at the very best university. She dreamt about having this opportunity for more than year or two. It was something she held on to every time something terrible happened to her. Like death of beloved ones, divorce of her parents. Jail, failure to pay the mortgages… Standing in the court, accusing someone she knew too well of a crime… All of that faded away when she recalled a picture in front of her watery eyes. A picture of herself standing in the laboratory at University of Oxford.

When did she go wrong? Where? It all seemed so blurred right now…

-Doctor Yasman? Was patient from room 7456 cleared for surgery?

A soft, quite voice of a terrified second year surgical intern brought her back to reality. She shook her head, taking another cigarette out of her pocket. Litting it with a steady, surgeon’s hands shouldn’t be a problem but she did have one. Breathed out a cloud of misty smoke and looked carefully at a young man.

-I don’t know, Doctor Kowalski. Was she? What are her morning’s results?

-Good enough. But I’m a little bit worried about her heart condition…

The last sentence was added with a dose of uncertainty and during spilling it out his voice was almost lowered to whisper. She start laughing. Hysterically laughing, laughing so hard that she made her intern taken aback.

-You’re worried about her heart condition… All right, then. Go and order some more tests. Show me you know what to do. It’s your patient from now, Doctor Kowalski. Don’t make me regret trusting you in the first place.

Kowalski was so surprised he literally couldn’t open his mouth and utter a single more word so he just turned back, faced the hospital’s entrance and almost run inside with a smile signaling a joy resembling the one children have when they are given candies.

She smiled reluctantly to herself, pressing a cigarette back to her red lips. Where did she lose this joy of being a surgeon? She used to have it, she certainly had. Once upon a time, when she believed in medicine, believed in life and the most important thing – during the time when she trusted people.

A failure can hurt. It can hurt the way nothing else does, so painfully that one wish he’d rather die than experience the “charm” that goes along with failure.

She had everything and chose nothing. Love instead of a brave new world. Instead of her career, her future. She sacrificed everything, for what? A couple of years spent together, during which they mostly fought? He always knew she blamed her mistakes on him. Being through a hell of surviving the IB, getting a dreamt offer for Medicine at University of Oxford… And then decided not to accept it. To stay in Poland to be with him. She convinced herself that medicine is medicine and it doesn’t matter where in the world are you studying or practicing. Too soon it turned out it actually did make a difference.

Now? She was 45 years old. She accomplished her greatest dream – became a great surgeon. But somehow she felt incomplete. Regret of not using a lifetime chance when she had one is haunting her every single day. Indeed, they got married. Got two daughters, they were truly wonderful children. However, once she decided not to follow her dreams further, they drifted apart. Considering the fact that they were best friends almost always, knowing each other better than anyone else and completing each other faults and strengths, being like a missing pieces of puzzles, she failed also in this area. He divorced her shortly after she became a chief of surgery in Warsaw’s hospital.

That’s the risk of following one’s heart. It is possible to fail and hate oneself to the rest of life due to dreams that were always left pending. Dreams and aspirations should always come first, the voice of heart is also important. But not when taking its direction leads to argue with who we truly are. 


Submitted: December 03, 2012

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