The Positive Side of Me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is my conversation with the different sides of me during hard times.

Submitted: December 14, 2015

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Submitted: December 14, 2015

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Honestly, man I'm hopeless
Dude, I love you.  You've got so much going for you
No, she left for someone else and it's been months and I still don't know what to do with myself
I've known you for years and you are so much better without her
I don't know.  She was everything I wanted
No, she was awful you've deserve more
I'm becoming increasingly more like an ass hole every day
You are fucked up from her but she doesn't deserve to be the one who messed up your life. You were the nicest guy.  You can get back.
I'm addicted to nicotine and I can't stop
You haven't given yourself a chance.  You keep putting yourself deeper into the whole
But I need -
You want to put that drug in your head to get your head out of this place. I'll tell you.  I've been there.  You are stronger than your demons tell you.
I don't know.  These ones are tough.  I nearly died when I was by myself
I'm here.  Always.  You just have to say something.  
But you're growing weaker.  
Shh.  You're going to live life to the fullest.  No more smoking.  That is your last hit.  You're going to live your dreams.  And one day I'll be back to hold your arm and carry you through hell again.  You just need to believe
See,  I'm not strong.  I'm already taking another hit and I don't think I'll come back again
You'll do it.  I love you.  You may hate yourself.  But I love you.  

This was last conversation I had with the positive side of me.  

That's when he creeps into my ear to whisper the things I believe.
The negative side of me.

Honestly man, you’re hopeless.
I know.  
She left for someone else and now you don't know what to do with yourself
I know.
She was everything to you.
I know.
You're becoming such an ass hole man.  
I know..  
You're addicted to nicotine.  Have some more.  
I know.  And I will.  
You'll die by yourself.  That day at the beach was just a small example.
I know.  The demons only get bigger.
There you go.  You know you'll never make it.  We both hate you.  

The conversation I have every day with him.  

This cycle was broken maybe just for a night but it was worth it.  
It was the night when the darkness had taken my hands on the trigger

Please, please.  I beg don't let me pull this tonight
...
I can't think of anything besides failing in my foresight
...
This is the last time I'll ever see light
No,  you will see the midafternoon sunlight through your blinds.  
You're not strong enough to save me this time.  I'm too far gone.  
You know that you're never too far for this hand to take you past these binds.
I've given up I'm ready to give away these breathes, they may have to be what I pawn
You have million more left to take when you see that those dreams on your head aren't going to stay that way.
I can't even afford what I need to make that true
Not yet, but hold on.  You're almost 19.  You can do it then.  So put down that gun. And back off the roof
How do I know that I'll make it?
You don't really care if you make it. You just want to live it.  
Please don't let me drown with these demons again.  
They will do everything you let them.  

I can't sleep but at least my heart is beating.  When it's too late to call a friend he's the only one who can keep me here.

 


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