I Want It Back....

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is just a little short story... written a while ago now... but I hope it is still current.

Submitted: May 07, 2011

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Submitted: May 07, 2011



“I want it back... please. Do you remember the warmth, do you remember how our hearts used to flutter and your eyes sparkled every time I saw you, the way we used to laugh at the same crummy jokes and how you always held my hand to lead the way so I wouldn’t get lost. How I always lost you... even if I never had you... do you remember?

I remember everything... every look and every single time my heart exploded with delight when you touched my skin. Please I beg of you to never forget how much I needed, loved and cherished you... even when you were gone. You always used to hold me to your heart... so I could hear your heart race... so I could see what my presence did to you. And I did the same. Just so you knew... you knew just how much I needed that burst of life in me that always erupted as you walked into the room.

All I want from you now is to please try to remember... never forget again... I want you to live every memory of us in your dreams... for you to remember me and for my memory to never be lost. Because I know that you knew me like no other. You knew me when I was with you... and you knew what I was like when I wasn’t. You knew how I used to be... before everything was given to me.

I think... I think it’s best to start with the first day that we met. The first day you told me how much I made you smile and I told you how much you made me want to smile back. That day was and will forever be the begging of my life.

...On that day... you looked just as you do now... perfect in every way. Even If you didn’t notice, I could never help but stare into your eyes when you spoke to me. On those rare occasions you did... I could see your eyes sparkle with life. Like beneath your relaxed approach there was always something there... some sort of happiness that I didn’t notice when you spoke to anyone else. On this day... as you approached me again... you looked so scared and unhappy. I was so worried. Looking into those pain stricken eyes, I was so worried you were sad. But then... you looked up at me and for a few seconds you didn’t speak. Just stared into my eyes as I stared back, You still didn’t say anything as you slowly took your hand and brushed the hair from my face and simply said “How are you..?” you said it so slowly... but I could see your eyes sparkling and I couldn’t help but smile in response. You slowly moved your hand down to mine... I remember that you still were staring at me to make sure it was ok. You took my hand... still softly. But turning your back on me, you started to walk quite quickly to the exit. I could see everybody staring at us but I didn’t care. I just couldn’t have guessed what you did next, even if it seemed so obvious afterwards.

Three words you spoke so perfectly... I could have sworn I had heard them play through my head a thousand times before that moment. Such simple words... but coming from you they meant more than anything... at that moment all I could see was you. All I could see were your lips moving so delicately. “I love you” that’s all you had to say to make my heart flutter and make me act like a completely different person. I had been waiting for so long. I took your hand from mine... and place it so I was holding yours... and I told you everything... and told you how much my heart was racing at that moment. Of course you didn’t believe me. So I held your hand to my wrist and told you to feel it... and then... then at that moment... once you could actually feel just a bit of how I felt... you took my head in your hands... and we shared our first kiss...

... I really hope you at least remember that... I hope the rest I tell you... you eventually will remember too... but for now... that’s all I have time for... I will be back tomorrow okay... don’t worry. I will be back every day and every day I will tell you one thing more. Goodbye... I love you... sleep well okay....” She then took away from his bedside... tears flowing from her eyes... “I miss you so much”

She started to walk away from the hospital bed that he had been laying for over four weeks now. This is the first time she had been able to talk to him before being interrupted by a nurse... or him becoming unstable... this was also the first day that she had been told that he might be able to hear her, but she was also told this day... that it is very unlikely he will be able to remember anything... no matter her at all. So she had decided that she would help him as much as she could... for however many years it would take.

“Leaving already...?” “I have been here all day... I think he will get tired of me talking after a while...” “I don’t think so Mrs... his heart always thrives when you’re here... he is always awake when you are here... well you know what I mean.” the only nurse on duty said while checking all the monitors to make sure it was all working correctly before her shift was finally over and she would swap with the next attending nurse. “I think he’s changing... i think he’s getting a better” “I don’t think so... you know that we have a few years to wait...” She knew this only too well... but who said she had to stop hoping that he will be back home in a few days. “Goodbye Mrs... See you tomorrow.” “Yes Jane... see you tomorrow like clock work... remember to call me if anything... anything at all happens.” “Yes I will...”

Slowly not looking back she walked out of the door... leaving her husband behind... leaving her one life source. But this one life source barley had enough life for himself... he could just about keep his weak heart beating... but despite all the odds... he did... his heart carried on to beat and carried on to thrive... most likely to hear his angels voice. To hear the voice that used to make him go weak at the knees and make his heart start to beat faster... and it still did.

Reaching the last door of the hospital... she looked back... at the place that had almost been her home for such a long time. The journey home was very long... each time she got a little further she wanted to run straight back to him... but eventually she made it. Made it back just in time... Once she was home... laying her jacket across the sofa and stepping into the kitchen after realising she hadn’t eaten that day. The phone rang... her heart started to beat faster and faster... “What if something happened? What if he’s not okay...?”She repeated to herself over and over... in those few short seconds... to actually be able to pick the phone up she needed to calm down... thinking... “It’s okay... I only saw him a few hours ago... he can hold out longer... he is fine... it will all be fine.”

Slowly reaching for the phone and placing it on her ear... she heard those words... that made her world turn upside down... make her heart feel heavy and her eyes start to water... “He’s gone...” that’s all Jane said... that’s all she could get through... with the tears pouring from her eyes... she could barely speak.

Running to the door... she knew it couldn’t be right... a horrid trick... something.... something else. This can’t happen... it just can’t.... For the second time the day arriving at the St James hospital... she was still running tears pouring from her eyes... barely able to see... she suddenly froze at the door to his room... “What if he’s gone... could I live on... could I get through every day without seeing his perfect face...?” slowly turning the handle into the now dark room... she saw before her... he perfect husband... perfect in every single way... even the way he smiles she could see no fault in... Her perfect husband...lying there perfectly still...

Jane was already there... mustering up the courage to finally cover the face of a man she knows is loved so much...

Beside her a box of his things... from the things he was last wearing... to the books she read and the then the things he said he always wanted beside him... just in case something happened. They were simple things. A photograph of them on their wedding day... a picture of them together when they were young... and a new addition... was a scan of their soon to be born baby girl. The last thing was a letter... that he wrote a few days before the accident... marked “Just In Case” This letter was for the one he loved so much... for his lovely wife as it said... Slowly Jane walked over to her... holding out the letter... wanting her to read his goodbye note. She took the letter from her hand and placed it slowly to her chest... and as carefully as she could... opened the last thing he had ever written.

“Dear Delilah... I am sorry if this has all gone wrong... well if you are reading this... I am no longer here... well in person...

This can only be a short letter... There are a million things I would say to you in this moment... a million things I would need to say... like how much I regret not saying how much I loved you the day we met... that day was the best day of my life... It was the first day my smile was pure and honest and you made me see everything in a better light... and you still do. That day was perfect in every single way... the day I told you just how much I love you... the day I showed just a little of my love... because on that day and every other day that I got to spend with you... I was the happiest I had ever been... That day I saw your eyes glisten with surprise... that I am truly sorry about... Believe me... the day we met... the day I saw you across the room laughing with your friends... I was in love.. in that moment you stole my heart... and it will forever be yours, from that day it was yours... so many years ago... and my love has not changed... if it has it has only grown stronger as I got to know more and more about you.

As I know you so well... I know that right now you are in pieces and refusing to believe it’s true. But please remember... remember that it will all be okay in time... and that you will be okay... there is no way for me to know this... but even if there is no heaven... and spirits don’t exist... but I truly believe that even after death I will not be separated from you. I will forever be beside yours and little Alisa’s side and even death cannot change that... because even if I am gone... as long as you keep me in your heart and love the man I was... there is no way I cannot be there to... to be with the one who loves me so... and the one I love to. So please believe it will all be okay... and you and our little Alisa will be fine together forever and I hope that... well.... I hope that she is a little like me... so you can see me every day beside her... and yes... I will forever protect her, just like I will be protecting you just like I used to.

Delilah... my love... please be strong now... you have two people to take care of. I will see you again one day... but for now you must be strong... and join me here... wherever here is... one day far into the future. I love you my Delilah... goodbye... take care... always... and I will forever be by your side... to help you along your way. Goodbye...”

Slowly she took the letter in her grasp holding it to her face... soaking it with tears... “Goodbye my love... goodbye... I will I promise... I will be strong... It will all be fine” she almost shouted at the body of her dead husband...running once more to his bedside... she laid her head on his chest and slowly whispered to the silent heart... “My dear... I will forever wait for that day when we can meet again... and until that day.. I promise to take care of our little girl... and everyday... I promise... I will tell her a new thing about you... the good and the bad. So she knows exactly who her daddy was... is... and who he will always be... you will not only be in my heart... you will also be in hers... and you will forever live beside me... forever be mine... as my heart can never forget the only thing that it knows... to love you. Goodbye my love”

With that... she took her head from his chest and gave him his last kiss... she then slowly turned taking the box of his things... walking slowly to the door.... exiting the door for the last time... saying goodbye for the last time. Tears still running down her beautiful face... she straightened up... and walked away from the one she loved... and still somewhere in there.... hoping he will just wake up.

© Copyright 2019 LauraJWilliams. All rights reserved.

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