AFRAID

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
To get rid of what was unexpected and unwanted, she killed her greatest joy, introducing her greatest nightmare.

Submitted: October 04, 2013

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Submitted: October 04, 2013

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you were there. so beautiful, so small, so helpless.
day by day you grew. I felt every move you made.

BUT I WAS AFRAID

you weren’t supposed to come.
you weren’t supposed to exist.
you weren’t supposed to happen.

AND I WAS AFRAID

I couldn’t keep you
what would my parents say?
what would his parents say?
an unwed couple with a child?

WE WERE AFRAID

he told me it would be okay
we’d get through this together
he’d hold my hand the whole way through

I WAS VERY AFRAID

the procedure was over
you were no more
no one
had to know
just like it never happened

I WAS STILL AFRAID

I heard the nurse say it had survived
you lived after being aborted
for a few small moments, you lived
and then you were
gone

you weren’t born into a world with loving parents to greet you. you were born with pain in your bright blue eyes. you weren’t born into a world with your mom anxiously waiting to kiss you. you were born with your mom trying to kill you. you wrapped your little hand around her finger with a pleading look on your face, pain coursing through your small body. why doesn’t she love me? you asked. and then you were gone.

I never saw your face. I never held your hand. I never heard you laugh. Your tiny fingers never wrapped around mine. My God, I never heard you cry. Why did I let them take you from me? Why did I let them kill you? Why did my actions have to hurt you?
You were mine. You were the joy I could have had. You were the love I wanted incarnate. You were my little boy.
Forgive me, oh God, forgive me. If I had it to do over, you’d be mine forever. You would have had a mom. You would have been loved. But I killed you. And now you’re gone.

ALL BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID


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