Beautiful Black Ink

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
They are my characters. And I need them.
There is one character I feel particularly close to. I think it’s called love…?

Submitted: April 02, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 02, 2008



Beautiful Black Ink

There is little in this world that makes me happier than writing. Little that holds the same emotion. I can let loose all of the things I’m feeling without restraints. I can relate to all my characters in a way I could never to real people. I can feel them. Know them.

Of course, some people say that’s insane, for you to need characters to express yourself and find someone in common with you. But for me, that’s just how I live. I don’t even care how it looks. In fact, screw how it looks. I don’t care.

They are my characters. And I need them.

There is one character I feel particularly close to. Unfortunately, he’s not mine. I know the girl who writes him, though. So it’s all right.

I soak up as much him as I can. Every new piece she writes. I wait for it with baited breath.

Every time Naomi writes something new, I always get it first. She’s never actually published anything, but she writes plenty. Sometimes I can’t wait for the next story, so she will occasionally write me a one shot with him.

With Julian.

My beautiful, kind, intelligent, sweet Julian. With his beautiful, curly dark brown (almost black) hair nearly reaching his shoulders, his amazing pale gray eyes. He’s short, but that’s okay.

Oh god, I can see him so clearly. I can hear his voice in my head every day. He is…oh god, how can I describe my Julian?

He is so utterly amazing my heart breaks. I can’t stand it when I’m not near…when I’m not reading about him. Thinking about him. He can cause me happiness when I would otherwise feel nothing. His smile takes up my thoughts every waking moment. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep at night.

I can’t begin to describe the way I feel about my Julian--it’s like my heart is filled to the brink. Like everything else besides him is meaningless. Like he’s the only thing in the world.

I think…I think it’s called love…?

But then there’s Noah. He gives me everything Julian can’t. Real hugs, real dates, real kisses. He is able to give me the attention I need, fulfill that burning desire somewhere inside me. He keeps me company, and I can see his smiles with more than just my head. He gives me presents and accompanies me to parties.

I suppose it’s love. For him, at least. For me…I don’t know. I want to spend time with him and I like him, but love…?

I…I don’t know. That’s a bit extreme.

However, there’s a problem with Noah. He doesn’t know about Julian. I want to keep it that way. I’m not sure how he would react. So I keep my Julian a secret. I ask Naomi to do the same. She’s my friend. She respects my wishes.


One day, I invite Noah over to my house. We talk for a while, and then I tell him I’ll get us something to eat. He smiles, nods, and relaxes back on the couch to wait. As I’m halfway through making the food, I realize I’m missing a couple of key ingredients.

I sigh, turn to Noah, and tell him I’ve got to make a quick run to the grocery store. “Make yourself at home.” I call as I head out the door.

“Wait.” Noah suddenly says. “You’ve got mail.” He nodded towards the table.

“Thanks.” I read Naomi’s letter quickly. She was just talking about her new manuscript that was almost finished. My heart jumped a beat with ecstasy, but I tried not to let it show.

“See you.” I walk out the door.

Maybe an hour later, I enter back through the door, groceries in hand. “I’m sorry that took so long, Noah,” I call, “but I couldn’t find what I needed and--” I break off suddenly, because he’s holding Naomi’s letter. The one talking about Julian. The way I feel about Julian. And the way I feel about Noah.

He gives me a bitter glance and says in a cold, detached voice, holding up the letter, “You love him then, this character. This…this Julian?” He looks down and tosses the letter to the side. “More than me. Hell, you may not even love me at all.” He shakes his head and turns a betrayed, affronted gaze to me. “We had never said, I know. But I thought…” He took a deep breath. “And I was going to ask you to marry me, too. Glad we got that cleared up beforehand.”

And then, suddenly, he simply looked sad. “I’m leaving you, Irene. For good. I’m sorry.”

No!” I yell. Oh god, this wasn’t supposed to happen! I don’t want to Noah to leave! “Don’t leave me, please Noah!” I beg. “Don’t go.”

Noah looks at me, sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry Irene. I can’t have it like this. But I’ll let you make a choice--me, or that character.” I didn’t like the way he said, ‘that character’ but I shrugged it off, because I didn’t want to lose Noah.

“Please,” I whisper. “Don’t make me. Don’t make me choose, Noah.”

He looks at me again, and says, “Irene. Make a choice in two days. You’ll know when I want you to decide.” And then without even looking back, he walks away.

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. Oh no, how was I supposed to chose between my Julian and Noah?

Instead of lying there, I get up.

Once I reach Naomi’s house, I ring the doorbell. Once she answers, I ask in a hushed voice: “Could I stay with you for a few days?”

A couple days later, I decide to go back home.

As I unlock the door to my apartment, two objects on the coffee table catch my eye. One is a picture of me and Noah. The other is Naomi’s new manuscript. In an instant I know what Noah’s trying to tell me.

I slowly walk to the table, and make my choice.

As I open the first page, there is his name, sitting beautifully in black ink.

Oh, my Julian.

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