EDNOS

Reads: 183  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
My poem that tells the story of my personal Darth Vader - EDNOS

Submitted: August 07, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 07, 2012

A A A

A A A


EDNOS

by Leen Bouchard

 

 

Once again, I am in pain;
My head aches,
My tummy quakes,
My heart wrenches over the mistake I made.
 
The unbearable guilt boils within me
As once again I try to see
How well everything was going to be,
Until I decided to eat.
 
This morning I awoke with a growl in my tummy.
It was sad but pleasing so I smiled weakly.
It has been a week food-free,
Just one more day of victory!
 
But alas, in school, my mind wandered off
To cookies and cakes...then it all took off.
On the way home, the thrill and the dread
Crept through me and begun to spread.
 
I rushed to the kitchen with a gray-out on the way
And grabbed what I could find but paid no heed to the cabbage.
What happened next...I'd rather not talk about,
But the facts do not lie; I have failed now.
 
The guilt and remorse flooded my brain
As I thought, 'How will I face myself again?'
I am going to swell, I am going to be fat,
I am going to turn into the jerky I had.
 
Why do I feel bad? This is because
I could have stopped myself halfway but I did not.
Instead I continue to binge endlessly
Until I felt so full that I could not breathe.
 
I dragged myself to the computer
And opened Google with feelings of tremor.
I searched up 'how to stop binging'
But I knew that this would not mean anything...
 
Because the links of the results were purple
Which meant that I've clicked on them over and over.
I realised that what I lack is self-control,
but I really can't stop...what a turmoil!
 
My weight fluctuates on a daily basis.
'Starving, binging, purging' is a little sypnosis
Of the story of my life that I've been wanting to tell
To someone who cares...
 
But who is there?
No one is there.
My parents do not care,
My friends are not aware,
My teachers see such cases everywhere.
 
This is an endless cycle;
A tiring, exhasuting chronicle 
Where food is the obstacle
Which has led me to become self-destructable.
 
I want this to stop, I want to be normal,
I want to eat without a care in the world,
But I don't want to be fat! I want to be skinny,
Like the popular pretty girls whom everyone envies.
 
All that has been done, cannot be forgiven.
I have sinned, but I will not be defeatened.
Tomorrow it's back to starvation and restraint,
With seemingly sheer determination I rise up again.
 
So this is the story
Of my eating disorder
That took over my life
Little by little.
 
I hope that 
It has been a delight to read,
And I hope that you've enjoyed it
As much as I did.
 
Starve on my pretties,
We can do this!
 


© Copyright 2017 Leen Bouchard. All rights reserved.

Booksie 2017-2018 Short Story Contest

Booksie Popular Content

Other Content by Leen Bouchard

EDNOS

Poem / Young Adult

Girl Power!

Essay / Action and Adventure

Popular Tags