The Office Meeting and One dead Goldfish.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


Yet another stimulating office meeting full of buzzwords and idiotic time management schemes. But at least the tea and coffee is free!

Submitted: March 06, 2018

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Submitted: March 06, 2018

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‘The Office Meeting’.
Get the life boats at the ready, make sure all the rigging is tied down, store away all lose objects and hoist the mainsail…
Because its time for the bicentennial tercentennial Office meeting and as normal it’ll be so stimulating that even the most hardened of office swats will have a hard time keeping awake.
The Office commentary with obviously be wall to wall buzz words and with all buzz words I will kindly translate into some form of legible meaning.
So as always, the two key words will be ’be prepared’….  because these new fandangle buzz words will flip out even the most level headed person.
 
Quazidicale spectrum networking.
This newly thought out bullshit word means that no one has a sodden clue as to what sitting at a desk using ergonomically correct posture really means and there pretending to be highly intelligent technicians, all the while bluffing there way through a days work.
 
Bi-focusing regeneration computing.
In layman’s terms, all this means is that there is a large pot of money to spend on new Technology but we’re not getting any because someone needs a new company car.
 
Trizantenial Intelligence Of Ideals.
This meaning has a lot of side branch meanings, a lot of variable values are hidden within this wording but the only wording and meaning that is hidden from normal humans is…. (There getting a rise in salary) and you will all have to put on a virtual life jacket (because the rest of us mortals are getting sod all)!
 
‘Repurposing Stationary within a prerequisite ethical time limit‘.
All I can say about this made-up buzzword is that ’I am not using both sides of recycled toilet paper’….and that’s final! 
 
Of course its not all doom & gloom, the coffee and biscuits are still free so that’s a plus point and were all still getting paid whilst sitting here listening to all this crap.
I just hope that no one is going to be childish like last time and start and chew small bits of paper and then blow them out of an empty bic pen!!
(yes, we know who it was last time but that’s only because they wanted to be popular)!!
 
You can generally gauge how informative and interactive these meetings are by watching the smartest person in the Office making Origami cranes and then carefully placing them on there desk like it’s a diorama from a Japanese play.
Everyone seems to be looking at the Office wall clock and most of us are willing that second hand to engage light speed and tick around so we can put our happy faces on and go home.
But no matter how much were willing the time to speed up, it seems to be going into reverse (I’m sure I saw a bird flying backwards out that window)!
 
And why is it that, we have mountains of technology to use here BUT were all forced to watch it through an old slide machine of how the company first started?
I mean, are we all working in the dark ages ’Or What’?
 
I am impressed though, no one has started to act like a petulant child at this latest meeting, that’s got to be a first, there hasn’t been an outburst of hysterical laughter like happened last time a meeting took place.
Although, I’m just waiting for a particular person to ask to be excused because of some alien encounter. (long story)!!
And if another team colleague asks to leave because there gold-fish has died ’Again’, well, I may just burst into laughter myself.
 
Enough of all these made-up bullshit words, we know you lot are trying to justify a rise in salary so…..just give yourselves one and let us all sod off  home.
 
 
By
Left On The Shelf.
 
 
 
 


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