( .__.) Late night thoughts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Personal Finance  |  House: Booksie Classic
( .__.) Late night thoughts

Submitted: June 09, 2012

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Submitted: June 09, 2012



More Than This by One Direction softly plays in the background

I used to hate reading statuses on facebook, from guysI know, who write things like:

"Lonely. Need someone to cuddle with"

"Where's all the real women cuz I'm on my grown man shit and I need someone by my side"

"All females are the same. I need a Cinderella. I'm back on my bully"

Well, one guy in particular.

How funny you should write that. You had the best thing in front of you for years, yet you've managed to royally fuck that up. You were too stupid to see that she has been there all along. From rock bottom and back. You were just too fucking busy going after the Mystiques, the Storms, AND apparently the Thors with the big hammers !! And don't get me started on the love poetry you post. You wouldn't know what love was if it was carded at the door by the bouncer working at Webster Hall.

I know they say "time heals all wounds" but this just isn't fair. How can you even still be happy ? People like you make my kind crippled !! I mean that in the most metaphoric way possible. We give so much love that you take every ounce of it that we have to offer. Once a loose bitch in a skimpy outfit struts by, we're forgotten like this

*snaps fingers*

It's almost like you broke both my legs, threw me to the ground, and left me fining for myself. Spiraling deep into a dark pit of nothingness.Paraplegia instantly settled in.

I felt so strongly about seeing things like that in the beginning. Honestly, I cried every second I was alone. Here I was thinking I wasn't good enough, not beautiful or pretty enough, and just not worthy of happiness. I hurt so fucking much, I was now damaged goods. Here you are partying with your friends, fucking bitches, and having a grand 'ol time. While I on the other hand, stayed home or went to work feeling like shit. The only time I mentally blocked it out was whenever I danced. I worked so fucking hard in rehearsals and at any workshop I've attended because I needed to out my frustrations.

Dance has literally been my crutch for the lowest points in my life. In this case, it was my life saver. I've managed to push those negative thoughts out of my head. Not completely, but I'm almost free of them. Picking up the pieces and learning to 'walk' again wasn't easy at all. The few family and friends I did have also contributed to my 'recovery'.

Me not being in your presence became my therapy. Me deleting you became my daily workout. Me focusing on my career and things that actually mattered became my doctor's blessings. Me believing that I was actually worth something and could potentially make some other guy happy became my self motivator.

Little by little, that's all it took. "Time heals all wounds", yes. Although they don't tell you how much time, the most beautiful part about that is that it's completely up to you. Use as much of it as you need. Careful not to dwell on the past too long, there's a whole life ahead of you ready for the taking.

With all this support, how could I even be upset anymore ?

Things always seem to work themselves out no matter the severity. Funny how now I can run into you and see the same pain I once felt in your eyes. You crack jokes with the guys but your eyes aren't laughing. I walk past you and your whole demeanor crumbles. You now go out of your way to say hi to me. It's you that compliments me on my accomplishment. It's you who cries in the dark.

But I must admit you were right. I am no Cinderella who sat around waiting on her prince charming. I'm more of a Mulan kinda girl. Things got rough and I got rough back. The same way she took control of her life is the same thing I'm doing with mine.

If I've learned anything from you it's to never stop loving someone, even if they don't deserve it. That positive energy will guide me to someone who will want to love me the way I'd want to be loved.

*hands you crutches*

I think you might need these.

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