She was browsing through her mails and deleting all notifications from social networking sites when she noticed ‘new scrap from Patrick’.
Patrick is a name that makes her heart skip a few beats even after all these years.Her curiosity was aroused and she clicked on the link to go to her orkut page.To her dismay she couldn’t find any scraps from Patrick on her scrapbook.He must have deleted the scrap .She decided to find it out from her gmail notification which she had deleted .
There it was which she recovered from her bin ….” I saw you in a dream yesterday and I am amazed and I wonder why you came in my dreams…”
She was taken aback ,finally the coward took the courage to admit that he dreamed about her though he went back and deleted it from her page. Nothing mattered to her anymore,even the deletion .
She couldn’t contain the pleasure, the knowledge that she exists somewhere deep down in the secret alleys of his heart .
“What should I do?Should I let him know that I read his message? Should I let it be? As always “
It all started about 10 years back .She was surprised to see Patrick who was the black sheep at the Post Graduate College,Patrick , an aspiring chemist !!!!!!
They belonged to same Parish and their families were known to each other .They were in the same class since their pre-school and even though they were friendly as kids, they were not in talking terms ever since high school,though she caouldn’t remember any particular reason for the enemity .
She hated herself as a school girl ,always studying ,considering boys as her enemies.She herself doesn’t know the reason behind her attitude towards boys. Maybe her parents or her studious friends.
She and her two girl friends never talked to boys other than when they had to fight .They disliked boys and boys disliked them .
Moreover ,Patrick had a bad reputation in her parish being the Casanova and for the bad company he keeps.
Patrick was dark and handsome as always and she never thought he would talk to her after their history at school.
Little did she knew that things were for a change .They had to catch the same bus for their college.
Having to wait at the bus stop threw them together and they started renewing their acquaintance.
She had to change all her misgivings about him .She found him as a kindred spirit ,one of her own kind,her twin spirit ,so much like her .Every moment away from him was torture for her soul.
He showed the same kind of affection for her .They were being talked about in their tiny village .
But never once did he tell her that he loved her or she, that she loved him , in those exact words .There was only this deep connection which bound their souls together ,this unspoken love which filled her spirit with song when she caught his steady ,unwavering gaze on her when she was seated on the FAB of the bus which they used to travel .Or the way he would stand behind her protecting her from other men during the rush hours in the bus .Or the way he would rest his head on her lap when their gang of friends enjoyed a free period in an empty class room with pointless gossip .
They never even touched or hugged other than the accidental brushing while the bus jerked to a side while they were seated together ,which send shivers through her .
In their two years of togetherness there was just a moment when he almost kissed her .It was in the Physics lab while they were exploring a telescope which they had to show to the students. That part of the lab where they were, was empty and she was very much conscious of their proximity which made her view the telescope through the objective instead of the eyepiece. He laughed aloud ,took her face between his palms and drew her close.They kept staring into each others eyes and the reverie was broken by their friends .
This unspoken relation continued till they completed their course .She knew he wouldn’t pop her the question or ask her to wait till he settles his innumerous responsibilities as the eldest son of the family with two younger sisters . He gave her up when he just enquired whether her father would be getting her married soon ,she being the eldest of her family .
She understood him but still loathed him for giving her up so easily . for being so practical minded ,for not telling her even once that he loved her …for so many things.
Her father got her married after an year and he went to do his management studies abroad .
He used to call her once in a blue moon just to say hello .
Everytime he called,she would expec t a sign which would assure her that their love still remains.
He attended her marriage with their friends ,and years later he married a rich girl from the same field.
Now they remain good family friends ,keeping in touch and he always visiting her at her paternal home when she makes her annual trip .
She had a happy marriage and a loving husband ,but the problem was his love was nothing compared to the love she received from Patrick .Her husband had his own set of girlfriends which made her insecure.Patrick made her feel secure and as the most important person in his life .His care spoke loud and she didn’t feel the need for words.Her husband said “I love You ‘ every single day but she did not feel the love .She always felt as one among the women whom he loves.
She didn’t feel satisfied.
During those lonely times she took out her memories , all those signs which she had collected and locked within her,which declared Patrick’s unspoken love for her ,fondled them ,got lost in them .
And now ,this a message to add ,this time a written proof .
….” I saw you in a dream yesterday and I am amazed and I wonder why you came in my dreams…”
She asked herself , “What if I had asked him to marry me? What if I had told him that I would wait ?”
Only Patrick could answer that question .
But knowing him ,he would have refused,he would have asked her to move ahead and cherish the love and times they shared .
Maybe this life which God has chosen for her is the best .
She can only keep wondering what would have happened …
She decided that she would not let him know that she has received his message.
Or else she would just write ,”I dreamt about you too” and then would delete the post ,just the way he did ,and then wait ……keep waiting …….
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