Blessed Amnesia

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Longing for the bitterness and hurt to end, sweet and blissful amnesia taking it's place so that she may forget...

Submitted: February 06, 2014

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Submitted: February 06, 2014



I do not understand. Anything. But most of all why I'm becoming everything I've always said I loathe. Weak, jealous, insecure and fearful. My head no longer held high. Always worried, unsure, apprehension riddles every action I make. Confidence spent, entirely exhausted.

Our troubles caused me to take serious actions that took every ounce of bravery and strength I had left in me. I knew I had to fight for what I love, for what I believe in. You. I was actually stupid and foolish enough to believe I had made a difference. I thought I'd finally made you see my worth, my value....

A long and lonely train journey, a lifetime spent waiting in the bitter cold at the station, a wait that seemed to go on for eternity. But wait I did and finally you came to me. I really felt that the barriers were finally smashed down, broken away for good leaving you and I standing with destiny laid out infront of us.

But here I lie alone in bed, my tears the only company I have tonight. Seems my words fell on deaf ears. The heart I wore on my sleeve only days ago now the object of your fun but at my expense. Your gift to me? Empty promises...

Is it asking the world just for a minute to hear your sweet voice in my ears? For you to show me that you love me too?...

So foolish am I to believe we could ever be different, that the bitterness of these recent weeks could be laid to rest. In your world it seems I have no meaning. I could learn to get over you and all we had....

But just as I turn to leave, just as my hand reaches for the door that leads away from you, you will always spring forward with the words I long to hear. But that's just it. Only words. No sooner are we back in the harsh light of day do you conveniently forget all you've shared with and promised to me.

I wish with everything I have that you truly meant all those words; so sweet, so deep and loving. I wish I wasn't such a desperate fool to need you with such yearning. And I wish for a blessed amnesia to erase you and your impact on my life, forever....

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