The Primatial Outbreak

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Read it and thou shall see.

Submitted: July 29, 2012

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Submitted: July 29, 2012

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The Primatial Outbreak

What I am about to tell you, the reader, is rather traumatic for myself, and in many ways unbelievable, but nevertheless I must document what has happened to me these past months, so that the same mistake is never repeated. Firstly, to allow you to slightly comprehend the seriousness of this, if you imagine the classic book Frankenstein, or as some might know it The Modern Prometheus, this tragic creation of a destructive monster has, for myself, been replicated but much more ridiculously.

2 years ago; it was roughly mid June, 2010, and I was doing really quite badly at work, I was primarily an overly ambitious actor and writer, but more realistically, an underpaid shop assistant, who had a couple of lucky breaks, and couldn’t find any other work. One day, I frankly had quite enough of serving a large mixture of people who were either, grumpy, facetious, misogynistic, racist, misanthropic or, some of the worst, overly joyful shoppers. I found that day by day, the boring, quiet ‘don’t want to talk to anyone’ or ‘I’m going to moan to this person, even though he doesn’t care and completely disagrees, about my complete and utter disrespect for gender and culture” people were actually more tolerable than those that just screamed in your face, stretching their neck out, and pushing their chests out to dominant you, telling you just how wonderful their life is. Well, once my shift was done, I trudged home, through the vast selection of fields that lead to my house, eventually arriving at my wonderful abode, it lays amidst these fields, it is a large 6 bedroom house with a stony, black exterior; not originally mine, it dates back quite a while, first it was my great grandfathers, then he died and passed it on to my grandfather, and it went through the family, till it got to me; Claud Jezebel, a rather annoyingly old fashioned name, I know. As I opened the door, I felt inspired to do something about my situation, to rise up to the podium, to follow my dream, so I walked through, and instantly turned to my right, where the door to my office is, and I entered; I was about to make a discovery, an accidental invention, a disaster.

My office is one place in my huge house, that is so very personal to myself, one place that I can escape from work and plan my journey into acting and writing…one place, and the only place in this house that is perfectly clean and ordered. Looking around the room there is my solid oak desk, with my leather chair, and my laptop and adjacent notepad, all of it on the right side of the room, sitting in the direction of a large window, with quaintly engraved angels at either corners, something to do with my ancestors, I believe. I sit down, and as the air flows from my mouth, expelling a breath of relief at the comfort and release of stress that is created from simply sitting down, I switch my laptop on, and leave it on my profile of an actors casting website, as if out of the blue, a little message or box will pop up saying “Hi, I’m ‘so and so’, from ‘so and so productions’ after looking at your credentials we would be very happy if you would come in for an audition” but while I waited for that future building message, I began reading my book on the techniques, history and context of acting. I had been reading my book for about half an hour when I heard a loud ping coming from my laptop, my ears perked up like a dogs at the thought that my “Your future is beginning to take place” “Welcome to professional acting” or even “you’re our 2,000,000th viewer, come to an audition” message, so I flicked my head towards the screen and saw a separate internet window from the local news. I like to know about the major news stories when they break out, so I may use them in my stories or just know how safe I am in my own town, so I set an alarm which would create these pop us for certain news stories from my area, this one read “CHIMPANZEES MISSING FROM LOCAL ZOO” and then DIIIIIIIING DOOOOONG, the shrill resonating sound of my doorbell, which quite frankly considering my locations silence, I had forgotten I even had, which was to be followed by another shrill noise, but this time, one of a car, speeding off into the distance, clonking and clanking from its forced speed. So, naturally, intrigued by this sudden theatrical mixture of noises I rushed to front door, and embracing the thrilling, and exciting drama of the moment, I slowed down as I gently prised the door open, expecting to find something explosive, like a nuclear bomb I would have to disarm, or a cryogenically preserved dinosaur, brought back to life, that I must slay to save my life, or a helpless howling heroine asking for my assistance in her survival. Big expectations make everyday events that little more fun, but in fact what I found was nothing like these, not explosive, not dangerous, but a large cardboard box, and sat in this box, were three baby chimpanzees, in a perfect row, staring up at me, with glaringly pathetic, and hapless eyes…. and so I slammed the door shut. No, no of course not, I invited them in, well…I physically placed them in, by lifting the box, much heavier than anticipated I must add, and struggled up the stairs, and placed each one on the bed.

All in unison they made a noise like a squeaky “ooh ooh” as if to thank me for my care, and then continued to stare at me and seemed to smile, then once more they moved in unison, falling slowly to the side, and closed their eyes, I presumed they were going to sleep, as that’s exactly what it looked like, and so I left them there and walked back downstairs and ironically exhausted from all the drama, so flopped down in my leather chair, and drifted off into an extremely earlier sleep.


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