I tried to warn you but you wouldn't be told. You had to have it your way. I offered you the chance to get out, while he was sleeping. I gave you options. You made excuses every single time. Even though I felt your pain you refused to believe I knew what was best for you. Well it's too late now.
It kills me to know he's out there somewhere roaming free after what he did. Look at you, lying in a deep pool of your own blood on the cold, filthy floor in this dark, depressing, half-finished room.
He never did have time to complete anything!
Always busy, busy, busy. Never doing much, but always doing something. I'm sure secretly you knew where he was. You just didn't like to admit it. It would mean letting everyone else know they were right about him. And you were not one who appreciated being proved wrong. Maybe that's why he did it. Maybe that's the reason he put you through so much. You did wind him up sometimes, never knew when to stop talking. I think if you had just kept quiet, not argued with him and just let things go sometimes he wouldn't have been so angry. you don't always have to be right you know.
Never-the-less, he didn't have the right to do this to you. This is too far by anybody's standards. If I didn't know every last detail of your face, you'd be unrecognisable. Even he must know how bad this is. Why else would he run away and leave you here like this. Clearly he must know this is worse than anything he's ever done to you before.
Last night I dreamed about happier times, before he was even an option. I remembered how you used to blow kisses at yourself in the mirror. Constantly play with your hair. I remembered the confidence you had before he crushed it. Why did you let him! You could have had any man you wanted. You chose this bully, this deranged animal that practically growls at you when you say anything to him.
He said he loved you. I know why you believed it; why else would you let him do this. I counted the scars on your body last week, there are two for every one time he said those three words. Two for one, sound like one of the offers you'd get in a super market and just like those promotions you felt like you were getting a good deal. Clearly you weren't but I know you felt like each time he hit you it was almost a sign of emotion. Any emotion he expressed was good as far as you were concerned, anything but the silent treatment. You hated the silence. I know you did. The silence that made you feel so empty, like you were alone and forced you to think about things you didn't want to address. Like a helium balloon that released it's helium, you weren't floating anymore. He deflated you just as quick as well.
I wonder what he's doing now, I wonder if he knows we're still out here. It's cold. I can see lights coming towards us. There's an ambulance and police cars. I bet he called them. I bet he felt guilty after he ran away. I bet he felt sorry for what he'd done. I called him the devil many times but he must have a good side. A human side! I refuse to believe anyone could commit such a dirty, wicked mess and not go away feeling something.
Surely that's him walking towards us. "Wake up." I know you want to see his face again. You don't want to leave like this. You don't even need an ambulance now. He's here; he's all you ever needed remember. Oh gosh, the light from the ambulance is almost blinding me. It feels like it's getting birghter. I can't see him anymore. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was the paramedic, but where did he go.
I feel weak. I want to scream and tell you to get up but I don't have the energy, the brighter that light gets the less I'm able to move. I suppose it's time now. Someone opened what I though was the doors of the back of the ambulance.
I've sat here talking to you for the last two hours, just hoping you could actually hear me. You never did before. I thought if you could hear me you might snap out of it and wake up. I convinced myself you were someone else. I believed this wasn't entirely my fault. It is though. He could have never got away with this if I hadn't let him.
I feel dizzy; everything's fading but that one bright light. I can barely see you now. At least the scars have faded. You look as beautiful as you did the last time I looked in a mirror that wasn't cracked.
The more I come to terms with what's happened, the easier this is getting. I'm under no illusion now. That heavy state of self-induced denial has lifted. I know exactly what's going on. I've seen scenes like this in movies. There's always a bright light and a spirit who doesn't know that they are a ghost. I guess that's me... or us.
I'm not so scared anymore. I know we have to go. I'm going to climb back into your body so were together again. We might not be alive anymore but at least were free now. We can be happy. I know we're going to heaven.
Once everyone finds out what he did, I wonder where he goes...
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