A WWE Call

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Anything
This is a short story my friend Somnus(pen name). I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Submitted: March 03, 2017

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Submitted: March 03, 2017



A woman was cleaning the dishes when she heard the phone ringing. She turned off the facet and dried her hands with a towel before answering it, “Hello?”

“Are you ready?” A man sounding like he was in his 40’s spoke.

“Ready… for what?” The woman replied, very confused. “Who is this?”

“Are you ready for this Sunday night when WWE champ John Cena defends his title in the WWE Super Slam?” The man boomed when he said the last part. “Right now, you can order this awesome pay-per-view event for just $59.99”

Remembering how the last boxing spectating went, the woman denied, “I’m sorry. No, there is not any chance that we're ever going to have wrestling in this house again. Thank you, but no. Have a good day.” And she hung up. Salesmen, she thought as she was about to go back to drying the dishes until the phone rang again. She picked it up, “Hello?”

“And goodbye to ANYONE standing in John Cena’s way when he takes on six men in a steel cage ‘chutes and ladders’ match at the WWE Super Slam,” The man from before called back which makes the woman shake her head, “Order now and save $10 with the low, low price of just $49.99!”

Calmly, the woman replied, “You guys just called me and as I mentioned before, we’re not ordering this. So please stop calling my house. Thank you and goodbye.” And hung up the phone. Such persistent salesmen, she thought until the phone started ringing again. She reluctantly picked it up, hoping that this wasn’t the same salesman. “Hello.”

Another guy that sounded to be about his late 20’s replied, “Hi, can I speak to champ?”

Not knowing who this guy was, she didn’t know if it was a prank call or a wrong number, “Who?”

“Champ, is champ there?” He questioned again.

“Who is champ?” The woman questioned.

“That question will be answered this Sunday night when John Cena defends the belt at the WWE SUUUPPEERRR SLLAAAMMM!” The same guy from before said making the woman become frustrated.

“Who is that, hey? Hey sir,” she tried to say to him as he kept yelling about the details of the WWE Super Slam. “can you quit calling my house.” She sighed and started yelling, “Listen, hello? Hello! Can you stop screaming in your little sirens or whatever that is? Can you knock it off for five seconds? Not. Interested! Stop calling my house!” And with that, she hung up. She started to walk away, hoping that that was the end of it, but the phone rang again and she was about to pick it up when she thought it might be the salesman again. With 3rd times the charm in mind, she picked it up, hoping that it wasn’t the same guy again. “Hello.”

“I’m watching you.” The same guy said.

Alarmed, she questioned, “Excuse me?”

“That’s exactly what The Undertaker told John Cena, but will he be able to take the belt from the mightiest champion in WWE history at this weekend’s WWE SUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR SSSSSSLLLLLAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!”

The woman officially lost her temper, “For the love of all.. STOP CALLING MY HOUSE!.” As the salesman kept jabbering about the Sunday event. “Before I get your number, track you down, and TEAR you to PIECES! Do you understand me? I know you are John Cena! No wrestling! No Super Slam is happening in this house!” She slammed the phone to hang up and she sighed in frustration as the phone started ringing again. She picked it up, knowing that this was the salesman again, I swear,” she started, “if this is those wrestling idiots again..”

Instead of hearing a guy’s voice it was a woman’s, “Okay, good morning. Hi, I’m just calling this morning to ask if you’re a supporter of the United States Military.”

Knowing what she said, she quickly calmed down and apologized, “Oh! I’m so sorry. We’ve been getting calls all morning. Yes, yes I am a supporter.”

“Fantastic, great. Are you a supporter of the Marine Corp?” The woman continued questioning.

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Good, great because a former decorated member of the United States Marine Corps needs your support...”

“And his name is JOHN CENA! He’s going to get in the ring and put boots to backs!” The man came back again. Seeing how determined he was by using the military and marines as an excuse she was at the peck of her anger.

“You! Are you kidding me right now!?” She said with disbelief.

“This weekend! WWE SUPER SLAM!” The salesman continued.

“Are you kidding me right now? I can’t even handle that, I cannot handle this. I can’t believe you’re calling me. I’m about to lose my sanity.” She hung up as he was saying the new price of $39.99.

She started taking deep breathes to calm down, before the phone started ringing again. She picked up, expecting the trumpet blasts or some form of trickery like using the military supportings or whatever, “I swear, I’m about to call the police.”

A digital voice was talking instead, “Hello, you have a collect call from..” And hearing the same man’s voice, “JOHN CENA!” Which made the woman sigh in frustration. The digital voice came back, “Will you accept the charges?”

Knowing this was the same guy, she said, “Go *beep* yourself” and slammed the phone.


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