Suicide Pact

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
Justin gets sent to Southwestern Mental Health Center for trying to kill himself. He thinks it’s the worse thing that has ever happened to him until he meets his roommate Brian Kinney.

Submitted: June 03, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 03, 2008



Title: Suicide Pact
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Suicide, Angst, Some Violence, unpleasant issues
Characters: Justin, Brian, other unknown and known characters
Genre: AU
Summary: Justin gets sent to Southwestern Mental Health Center for trying to kill himself. He thinks it’s the worse thing that has ever happened to him until he meets his roommate Brian Kinney.


Jennifer held her son in her arms crying and praying that her son wasn’t dead.
Craig came back into the room.
“Their on their way.”
Justin was rushed into the emergency room.
“What did he swallow?” asked the nurse while they rushed him in on the stretcher.
“A whole bottle of Alleve with a half of bottle of vodka.”
“You’re going to have to stay in the waiting room while we pump his stomach.”

Justin looked out the window of his mom’s car while listening to his Ipod. After his little accident his parents wanted to take him to this new special therapist in the city.
“Okay honey were here.”
Justin looked at the building. It looked like another gray office building. The 8th therapist. He kept count.
They walked into the office and to the front desk. The walls were that bright white that could use some art on it. Plain and boring.
“Dr Martin will be right with you. You may have a seat in here.”
Justin and his parents walked into a small room and sat in the chairs.
‘This is so fucking stupid.’ He thought to himself.
After about 30 minutes of sitting and waiting for someone to see them a woman walked in.
“Hello Justin I’m Dr. Martin and I will be speaking to you tonight.”
She sat down and marked a few things on her clipboard.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
“Cuz I tried to kill myself.”
“Why did you try and kill yourself Justin.”
“I don’t know. A lot of reasons I guess.”
“Can you give me some?”
“And why’s that? If you tell me we can try to understand and fix some of your problems.”
“No you can’t.”
“Well we can just give it a try.”
“This is horseshit and a waste of time. You’re my 8th god damn therapist and you’re not going to be able to understand my problems so just fuck off.”
“I see.”
She wrote on her clipboard.
“Justin are you depressed?”
“Like you care.”
“Justin answer the question.” His dad said.
“Yea Doctor I’m depressed.”
“Can you tell me why?”
“Okay then. Well if you don’t mind I would like to speak to your parents for a few minutes.”
Justin’s parents and Dr. Martin left the room.
Justin sat there bored out of his mind. He was angry. Angry at his parents for making him come here, angry at the Dr. for trying to give a shit about his problems, angry at the world for turning its back on him.
Since kindergarten Justin had been picked on and bullied for being different. He was quiet and didn’t like talking to other people. As he entered middle school he found an out lit to his life. Art was his closet friend. It was something he could drown himself in something he could create from his own mind. It gave him comfort. As years progressed he continued to get bullied. He was called names and physically beaten. The one person who liked to give him the most shit was Chris Hobbs.
When Justin got to high school he had no friends. He started to dress in all black and started to wear eyeliner and paint his nails black. One day while he was sitting alone at lunch when this girl with brown curly hair came up to him.
“I’m Daphane.”
“Whatcha drawing there?”
“Nothing special.”
“Can I see?”
He handed her his sketchbook.
“This is amazing. You’re really good.”
“Thanks. Why are you talking to me?”
“It looked like you could use someone to talk to.”
From then on there was another thing in his life besides art. He and Daphane became best friends. They hung out all the time.
The door opened and Dr. Martin came back in.
“Where are my parents?”
“In the other room. Justin, your parents and I were talking and we decided your going to stay here for a while.”
“What? I thought this was just an appointment.”
“No this is a center for people like yourself and we work with them and try and help them.”
“I don’t need help.”
“Justin you tried to kill yourself.”
“So you need help.”
“Can I talk to my parents?”
“They are in the room next door.”
Justin walked into the rooms and saw that his mom had been crying. He saw a suitcase with his stuff in it on the table.
“You knew I was going to stay here didn’t you?”
“Justin we only want what’s best for you.”
Justin’s mom hugged him.
“We love you Justin.”
Justin didn’t know what to think it was all happening to fast.
“Justin we need to check you in now.”
He said goodbye to his parents and went with the doctor.
“We need to do a few tests.”
They took his weight and height and asked if he had any scars or cuts on his body. Justin showed the nurse his arm and the cuts that were still fresh. Up and down his arm were gashes horizontally.
“Any more?”
Justin lifted up his shirt and showed were he engraved words and pictures into his skin.
“Any where else son?”
He wasn’t going to show what he carved down there.
“Okay then take off your shoes and come with me.”
They walked down the hallway. The nurse slid her card into wall and the door to his ward opened.
“You’re in ward A5.”
When they walked in Justin looked around. To the right of them were two couches, one in front of the other with a TV in front and kids filled up both couches. It was dark and they were watching a movie. To the left was an area with table and chairs and a counter where it looked like they served food. Next to the eating area was a huge desk area where nurses sat talking to each other. All had blue shirts on. Across the desk and behind the couch was a room that was dark and he couldn’t tell what was in it. In the back was a long horizontal hallway that had rooms on either side.
“Your room is back here. You’re going to be in number 25. You will be alone tonight but you usually have a roommate.”
Justin walked into his room. It was small, empty, and all white. There were two beds in the two back corners and a closet to the side of the door.
“You can either watch a movie or take a shower or just chill in your room tonight. Lights out at 8. The door stays open all day until we lock you guys up at night. There will be checks throughout the night.”
‘Holy shit, it’s like I’m in jail.’

Chapter 2
hope you guys like it
It's about when Brian and Justin meet at Southwestern.

Justin was blinded by the flashlight the nurse shinned right in his face.
“Just checks, we do them throughout the night.”
Justin got woke up 5 other times that night. It seemed he only got 4 hours of sleep total.
To much shit was on his mind

“What the fuck are you guys doing!!!?” Daphane screamed as she walked in on Justin and her boyfriend making out in her room.
She walked out before either one of them could say anything. Justin followed her.
“Daph, Daph him sorry…it just happened. Would you let me explain?”
He grabbed her by the arms and turned her around and she looked at him with tears streaming down her face.
“How could you.” She cried.
“It was a stupid mistake…I’m sorry.”
“Fuck you, I didn’t even know you were g…ugh just go away.”
“Get the fuck out! I never want to see you ever again you…fucking faggot!”
“Mr. Taylor its time to get up”
Justin got out of bed and got dressed and went out to sit on the couches. It was easier to see everyone now the light was on. There were all sorts of kids. Your average looking teenager but with cuts on their arms and suicide in their past.
The door to the ward opened.
“This way Mr. Kinney”
He literately took his breathe away. He was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on. He had brown hair that fell into his eyes. He stared straight at Justin. He had honey brown color eyes that had so much intensity behind them. He had a perfect body and a perfect face. He was perfect.
“This is the TV room and this is the eating area. Your room is back here. You will be in room number 25. You have a roommate. Justin, come here.”
Justin got up and walked over to where the nurse was standing.
“Brian this is Justin and he will be your roommate. Justin this is Brian. Can you show him where to put his stuff and then come back to the couches for goal setting?”
“Sure. Follow me.”

Brian Pov

When he walked into the ward the first thing he saw was a beautiful blond haired boy sitting on the couches. He had deep sea blue eyes that made Brian stomach twist. A feeling of excitement over took him. His skin looked soft and delicate and stood out against all the black he was wearing.
“You put your bags in here.” Justin told Brian.
Brian opened the closet and put his bags in.
“We should get back to the couches before they get on our asses.”
Brian laughed to himself.
They walked back to the couches and sat down.

Justin Pov

Sitting there next to him made Justin all uneasy.
“Okay if everyone could have a seat we’re going to start goal setting. For the newcomers this is something we do everyday.” One of the counselors said. “Okay Christina lets start with you. How did you sleep last night?”
The nurse marked it on her notebook.
“On a scale of 1 to 10 how are you feeling right now? 1 being really bad and 10 being great.”
“What is your goal for today?”
“To take my medicine and try and focus on the positive things.” Christina said with a sigh.

“Justin, how did you sleep last night?”
“Not that well.”
“On a scale from 1 to 10 how are you feeling right now?”
Justin thought for a minute. Well right at this moment with Brian beside him he was feeling about a 20 but he had to lie and make it sound like he had problems.
“Mkay we usually set goals for ourselves everyday. Something we want to work on that day like something you’ve been working on or trying to fix.”
Justin thought. The goal he wanted to make was to get into Brian’s pants by the end of the day but he had to make something up again.
“To stay positive and try to figure out why I’m here.”
“Alright, Brian since you just got here we will skip the first question. On a scale 1 to 10 how are you feeling right now?”

Brian’s Pov

Brian thought to himself for a second. How was he feeling he asked himself. Well with Justin sitting right beside him he felt past a 10 but he had to sound like the others.
“8” he said just so he could be a little better than the boy beside him. He looked over at Justin and smiled. Justin smiled and Brian’s heart fell to pieces.
“And what is a goal for today.”
Honestly, he thought it would be to shove his dick up the blonde’s ass by tonight but he couldn’t say that in front of everyone.
“To try and figure out what my parents were smoking for sending me to this loony bin.”
All the kids laughed to themselves including the one he was trying to impress.
“Very funny Mr. Kinney but lets say your goal is to figure out what things brought you here to us.”
“That’s another way of putting it.”
“Okay its time for breakfast. All the green and blue’s stand by the door the rest of you stay here until their ready for you.”
“Why the fuck do we have to stay here while the others get to go eat?”
“Because your color is yellow. Until you get to green or blue you can’t go outside.”
“How do we get to those colors?” Justin asked.
“By doing well in therapy and group and showing signs of progress. The chart with all the colors is up there.” She pointed to the bulletin board above the nurse’s desk.
They looked and saw it went from yellow to black to purple to green to blue.
“Blue is when you get sent home and if you look by your name it will tell you what color your at.”
Both Brian and Justin had a yellow dot by their name.
“You stay here and get served your food.” The counselor told them. “Alight this group, follow me.”
The group by the door left Brian and Justin and 3 other kids in the TV room.
Soon after the group left they were called for breakfast. After breakfast they went back to couches.
“What do we do now?” Brian asked.
“Hell if I know.” Justin replied.
“You wait until your therapist calls to talk to you. You can draw, do puzzles, or watch TV but basically you just sit on your ass all day and wait for group or something to do.” A kid named Estaban said.
“Well this is exciting.” Justin said.
“No shit.”

Chapter 3

“How old are you?” Brian asked Justin while they were sitting on the couches bored out of their minds.
“17. You?”
“18, so what did you do to get in here?”
“Um…it’s a long story.”
“Are you serious? Do you see how much time we have?”
“Why do you care anyway?”
“Because I’m madly and passionately in love with you.”
“Really” Justin said with a smile.
“I’m fucking bored and just trying to make conversation.”
“Oh. I tried to kill myself.”
Brian waited.
“That’s it. What happened to ‘it’s a long story’ bit? What was your reason? Were your mommy and daddy not nice to you.”
“No…I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well your gunna have to I mean that’s what were spose to do here.”
“I don’t have to tell them shit.”
“Then you’re going to be here a long ass time.”
“Why are you here?”
Brian paused for a second.
“Stop trying to change the subject. Anyway the reason why I’m here isn’t important.”
“Well you must have done something important enough to get sent here.”
Brian got up and walked to his room.

Brian Pov

That fucking little asshole. Who the fuck cares about why I’m here. Fuck him and everyone here Brian thought.
Brian didn’t want to think about the reason he was brought here. It only made him angry as hell. He sat on his bed and refused to think about it. But the harder he tried not to pay attention to it the more he thought about it.
He gave up and walked out of his room.

It was basically like prison. They would treat you like you couldn’t put a sentence together and they looked down on you. Brian and Justin both went to their therapist and they both refused to talk about their feelings. They didn’t care if they had to stay at Southwestern a year they weren’t going to confront their past. It was too much to deal with. They both thought that if they wait long enough it would all just go away.
A week went by and the boys barely talked to each other. They were both filled with excitement when they were next to each other but they thought if they conversed with one another then they would be forced to share what they felt deep down inside.

One night while lying in bed, Justin got up the nerve to hopefully start a conversation with Brian. He couldn’t take it anymore he had to talk to him.
“Brian? Are you still awake?”
“Yeah what do you want?”
“How badly do you want to get out of here?”
“You have no idea.”
“Yea me too. I was thinking…what if we just make up shit to tell in group or our therapist just so we could get out.”
“Yea I guess we could do that.”

Over the next couple of days they started to lie and pretend to be positive. They still didn’t tell anybody what they did to get in but they were making progress. The boys were actually talking to each other too. Brian would make Justin laugh by talking back and being a smart ass and Justin would teach Brian how to draw in the Art Room.
On night after dinner the group went to the Art Room.
“Hey it anybody up for some Karaoke” William asked.
Everyone agreed.
It was one of the little portable ones.
“I haven’t done Karaoke in forever. I use to do it all the time when I was little. I loved to perform but then I guess I kinda grew out of it.” Justin said to Brian.
“Well then get up and show us how to belt it like Mariah.”
Justin looked at him weirdly and thought ‘is he…nah he couldn’t be.”
“So who wants to be first?”
“Justin wants to.” Brian shouted.
“Brian.” Justin smiled and hit him in the shoulder. “Why did you do that I don’t want to be first.”
“Sure you do, get up there…everyone’s waiting.”
They all started to chant Justin’s name until he finally agreed and got up to the front. He grabbed the microphone and picked a song. The music started.

Oh baby, baby
How was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here
Oh baby baby
I shouldn't have let you go

They all started to laugh. Brian thought to himself ‘is he…nah it’s just my imagination.’
Everyone clapped and cheered during Justin’s performance except Brian. He was in the back, quiet not taking his eyes off the boy. A smile crept onto his face. He was really falling for him.
The song ended and everyone clapped. Justin made his way back to where Brian was standing.
“So how was I?”
“Okay. Not bad.”
“Not bad? Okay? Well let’s see if you can do any better.”
“Who would like to be next?” one of the other boys asked.
“Brian Kinney would.” Justin yelled.
“You little asshole”
Justin smiled. “Prove to me your not all just looks, that you got talent too. What, are you scared? Aww Brian is a pussy cat.”
“Fuck you.” He told Justin “Yea I will do it.”
Justin laughed.
“I’m going to get you back for this.” Brian told Justin before he went up to the front
“I would like to see you try.” Justin yelled after him.
Brian spent forever trying to find a song. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to sing. Finally he got one.

I swear I won't tease you
won't tell you no lies
I don't need no bible
just look in my eyes
I've waited so long baby
now that we're friends
every man's got his patience
and here's where mine ends

I want your sex
I want you
I want

Justin had to laugh when Brian picked George Michel’s ‘I want your sex’.
After Brian was done he walked back to Justin.
“I kicked your ass. They loved me way more than they loved you.” Brian said.
“Whatever I still had the better ass.”
Everyone was so loud Justin didn’t hear Brian’s response.
“Nothing. Let’s see what this guy performs.”
Justin could have sworn Brian said yeah.

Later that night Justin woke up to a quiet whimpering like noise. He rolled over and noticed it was coming from Brian’s side of the room. Brian had his back to him so he couldn’t tell if he was ok.
He waited a few moments and the noise went away.
“Brian, are you okay?”
Still nothing
Justin didn’t know what to do. He heard the noise again.
“Brian, are you crying.”
Brian didn’t move.
Justin got out of bed and walked over to where Brian was. He sat on the edge of his bed and put his hand on Brian’s back.
Brian rolled over and looked at Justin. Water filled his eyes. He scooted over and lifted the blanket so Justin could get in.
Justin laid there holding Brian.
“It’s okay. I understand. It’s going to be alright.”
They fell asleep holding each other.

Chapter 4

“Checks. Oh my.”
Brian woke up from the sound of the woman’s voice.
“Um…you boys need to separate.”
Justin stirred and finally opened his eyes to see that Brian’s arms were wrapped around him, his body right up next to his.
Brian shoved Justin off the bed after realizing how close they were.
“Ow, what the fuck did you do that for?” Justin exclaimed.
“I will speak to you boys later about this…uh…this situation.” the nurse said while shutting the door behind her.
They both smiled.
“What happened last night?” Brian asked.
“Well…” Justin didn’t know if he should remind Brian that they fell asleep in each others arms because he was crying and Justin was trying to make him feel better.
“I don’t know.” He lied. “I’m going to take a shower.”
Justin left.
Brian couldn’t stop thinking about Justin’s body being right up next to his. His warmth, the sweet smell of his hair, the softness of his skin. Holding him, he didn’t want to let go.
He did remember what happened last night. He remembered crying and the reason why. A memory like that could never escape his mind. He just knew he had to be stronger and not think about it. Then a ‘what if’ option entered his mind. What if he told Justin about it? What if he knew all the pain he was going through? Was Brian ready to let Justin in to his life that much?
Justin walked into the bathroom. He was falling for Brian. As hard as he tried not to the more he did. He still gave him butterflies every time he saw him and more importantly he cared about him…a lot. He wanted to be there for him and take care of him. He wanted to destroy what ever it was that was hurting him inside. This scared the shit out of Justin. He couldn’t fall in…love…with a boy. Not again. It was a huge mistake. Whenever he listened to his heart and gave into desire something bad always happened. He refused to let the past repeat itself again. The thing was…he couldn’t get him out of his head.
They didn’t speak to each other the whole morning. Finally, sometime after lunch Brian decided to talk to Justin. He was sitting on the couch talking to one of the other boys about the movie they were watching on TV.
“I use to be like that. Like those guys on Remember the Titans.” The boy named Austin said.
Justin looked at him in disbelief. Austin was 5’5” and maybe 115 pounds. He was a druggie with a mix of bipolar. Classic mental case. Justin thought that there was no way this dude was ever a football player. Although his eyes were sunken and grey they did have some sort of flame in them. It was like the drugs and the disease made him a completely different person. Once a masculine strong, young man now was a weak meth addict who had spasms.
“I know it may not look like it now but I was a fucking amazing football player back at school.”
Justin knew that he shouldn’t feel pity for this guy but for some reason he couldn’t help it.
“Can I talk to you?”
Justin looked up and saw Brian standing behind him.
He was like a God Justin thought.
Justin got up and followed Brian into their room.
They each sat on their beds staring at each other for what it felt like was a lifetime but was actually only a few seconds.
“So what?”
“You brought me in here because you wanted to talk to me so talk.”
“Yea…I wanted to talk to you about last night.”
“What about it? You said you didn’t remember anything.”
“That was a lie.”
Justin waited.
“So are you going to tell me?”
“You have no idea…”
“Well then tell me.”
“I was crying last night.” Brian admitted
"Yes I know. I was there. The reason?”
“Okay, let me just tell you the story.”
“Okay I’m listening.”


“Your never home! You’re always out gambling or out with “the guys.” You never give me the fucking attention I deserve!!!” Joan said. One hand pointed at her husband the other holding a glass of wine.
“Wah wah wah. Poor Joan. She never gets the attention she so desires. Well maybe if you got your head out of your ass you could see that I’m always fucking here.” Jack Kinney told his wife with a hand wrapped loosely around a bottle of Budweiser.
Brian had been listening long enough. He knew it was his time to make his entrance and try to separate things before the cops showed up.
“Fuck you Jack. I never loved you anyway.” She said loosing her balance.
“Fuck you, you know I never wanted you or be sucked into this fucking family. I didn’t want any of this and you know that.”
“Silly me for thinking you could grow a heart and become a family man like we all wished you could be. Silly me for thinking you stop regretting Brian.”
“What did you say?” Brian asked as he walked into the kitchen.
“Oh Brian, nothing. We were just having a discussion.”
“Bullshit. I knew you never wanted to be a family man dad but I didn’t know you couldn’t stand to look at my face everyday.”
“Sonny boy, why don’t you go upstairs while your mother and I finish our discussion?”
“Now I have to be here so when the cops show up I can be the one to tell them the actual truth and they will know I am.”
“And why would they think a 14 year old would tell the truth.”
“I’m 18 and maybe it’s because I’m not fucking drunk.”
“Go upstairs now!” his dad yelled.
“No I want to be here!”
“If Brian wants to know what we discuss and the whole truth I think we should tell him.”
“No Joan, the boy doesn’t need to know.”
“No I think he does. He needs to hear how much you wanted him. How happy you were when I told you I was pregnant with him. What your first words were.”
“I said no. You’re not going to tell him.”
Jack walked over and grabbed his wife by the arms.
“He doesn’t’ need to know.” He said while shaking her.
“What are you going to Jack prove how much of a man you are by hitting me. Go on, hit me Jack. Show our son what it takes to be a man.”
“Shut up Joan.”
Jack hit her. The wine glass broke when it hit the floor.
Jack turned around and looked at his son’s face. Brian was stunned. He had to get out of that house.
He walked down the street of his neighborhood. It was midnight and freezing cold. He had no jacket and he tried his hardest to fight back the tears that stung his eyes. Rage filled him. Hatred consumed him. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to feel.
He wound up on the streets of Liberty Avenue. He then saw it, the cure to make everything go away. Babylon was just starting to get crowded. He flashed his ID and went in. The music drowned out his thoughts and the images of hot guys made him become numb. He knew this would end it all. He went to the bar and ordered shot after shot until he couldn’t see straight. He went to the backroom and found someone. The guy got on his knees and sucked Brian into a mind of pleasure. All he could feel was numbness.
At 4 he decided he needed to go home since it was to cold to sleep on the streets tonight. He cursed Mikey for being out of town.
On the way back home the numbness was beginning to wear off and he was starting to feel things. More anger and hatred but something else was new. He felt hopeless. The word “mistake” kept pounding in his head. He was a fucking mistake. His parents didn’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. They would never give him the love he needed and would need later need in life. They deprived him from love, taking it away from him and never letting him have it.
He slammed the front door and went to his dad’s secret drawer. He pulled out the gun his dad kept hidden there.
He held it in his hands, admiring it. He could end it all right now. Forever. He would never have to feel pain or love.
He was calm now.
He walked up the stairs to his parent’s bedroom.
They were passed out, both still in their clothes.
He shouted “I will fucking do it!!!” as he raised the gun to his head.
His parents bolted upright.
“Brian…what the fuck are you doing? Brian give us the gun.” His mom told him.
“Had over the gun Brian.”
“NO! You said it yourself I was a mistake, a fucking mistake.”
“You know we didn’t mean it sweetheart. We were just upset.” His mom pleaded with him.
“You’re always upset. You’re always fighting with each other.”
“That’s what parents do. You don’t want to do this.”
“Then they called the police and they came. Then they took me down and grabbed the gun out of my hands and then they sent me here.” Brian said.

Chapter 5

Justin stared at him in utter shock. He didn’t know what to say. What could he say?
“Brian…I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry it’s not your fault my parents are…”He paused while he tried to find the right name to call his parents. “Ya know.”
“Yeah but I still feel horrible that it happened to you.”
“Me too”
They both sat there in silence.
“So you never told me the reason why you’re in the loony bin.”
Justin sighed.
“My best friend caught me and her boyfriend making out.”
“That’s it?”
“Well what?”
“Well are you going to tell me?”
Justin twiddled his fingers.
“Well I have…had a best friend named Daphane. She was kind of the only true friend I had ever had. She had a boyfriend named Jacob Black. He was the most amazing person that I had ever known. He was tall, dark, and mysterious with sky blue eyes. He wrote poetry and played the piano. He was so…”
“I think I get the picture.” Brian interrupted as he tried to push away the slight ting of jealousy he felt.
“Oh ok. Anyways I sort of fell in love with him, if you wanna call it that. So after Daphane caught Jacob and me making out for the first time things kinda went down from there.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well you see Jacob didn’t believe in God…he was kind of a Satanist.”
“What does that have to do with you?”
“Well after I found out he worships the devil and sacrifices lambs and carves stuff into his body I kinda…”
“Stop liking him?”
“Not really…I started to do it with him. I became possessed by this dark evil side of him. I sort of became a follower of his.”
“You didn’t do stuff to yourself did you?”
Justin noticed his concern and smiled to himself.
“I started with carving his name on my chest. Then I started to carve symbols and hate words and shit like that.”
“Can…I see?”
“Are you sure?”
Justin took a moment before he stood up and lifted up his shirt.
Brian was taken a back for a second. It looked like one huge rash until he looked at each section more clearly and saw symbols and words and then in huge letters just above his belly button was Jacob Black. Brian saw Nazi signs, crosses upside down, and anti everything all over his chest. Before he realized it he moved his hand across his skin, tracing each of the symbols and words.
“Ow.” Justin whimpered
“Oh sorry.”
“Its ok it just kinda hurts still.”
“He made you do this?”
Justin put down his shirt and sat back down.
“No…he influenced me to do this but he didn’t force me to. I wanted to be just like him. Or at least I thought I did.” He explained. “Afterwards I realized I was only doing it for attention but that’s later on. So I started doing that and then I walked in on him sacrificing a cat. He didn’t know I was there so I watched him and became consumed. It over took me this power he had, what I so longed for. I started sacrificing things with him. Then that’s when things got worse.”
“One day he told me that he didn’t like me anymore. That it was over, that he found someone knew. Someone that was stronger. That was exactly what he said. I was…lets just say I thought my life was basically over. Here I was unhealthy and addicted to this guy who was probably was the worse person to be addicted to. So I continued to latch on. I desperately tried to get him back into my life to show him I had what it took to be with him. I tried for a year. Nothing worked. So I started to get angry. I was angry with everyone, but mostly with myself. I started to blame myself for not being good enough for him. So that’s when I started to cut more. I reopened my scars from before plus I started to cut on my arms…a lot. Not deep so slashed a vein but just a lot of little cuts up and down my arms. I thought of myself as a worthless piece of shit who will never make it in the world. I had no friends at the time and I hated myself so after multiple suicide attempt and one attempt to get Jacob back in my life my parents finally decided to send me here.
“What did you to try and get Jacob back the last time?”
“I made up somebody.” He paused. “I made up that I had this friend named Alex that Jacob would be perfect for. I kept lying and telling Jacob all these great things about this made up person. He started to fall for this “Alex” guy and he kept on wanting to meet him and I kept putting it off until I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I told him he wasn’t real. He cried to me on the phone about how hurt he was that I would do this to him. I completely lost it. So I took a huge bottle of pills and downed some alcohol and my parents found me.”
Brian thought he had a dramatic story but after hearing Justin he was obviously wrong. He couldn’t believe that this kid who seemed so full of life that seemed to brighten up a room sunk so low and was so dark. He thought he kinda knew who Justin was or at least he thought he did.
“So I guess were both fucked up.”
“You must have really loved Jacob.”
“I thought I did and to tell you the truth my heart still aches whenever I think of him.”
“Do you miss him?”
Brian avoided Justin’s eyes when he asked this instead he just looked blankly at the floor. Now he was the one playing with his hands.
Brian heart sank. For some reason he was hoping that Justin would say no. Why was he letting this twat get to him? Why was he getting under his skin and into his heart?
Justin got up and sat next to Brian on his bed. He put his arm around him.
“That is until I met you.”
Brian looked up into the boy’s clear blue eyes. Their heads slowly started to move together and Brian kissed Justin’s lips. They were so soft and pure. He rolled his tongue across his and put his hand on the back of Justin’s head.
“What in the world are you two doing?”
They quickly jolted apart and looked at Dr Zepeda standing there in the doorway.
“Mr. Kinney, come with me now. Mr. Taylor, take a seat on the couch I will speak to you momentarily. Come Mr. Kinney.” The Dr. said in some unknown Middle Eastern accent.
Brian looked back at Justin before he left the room.
“I’ll be back.” He told him.


“Mr. Kinney would you like to explain to me what just happened.”
Dr Zepeda took Brian to one of the counseling rooms.
“And why is that?”
“Because it’s none of you business”
“We strictly have a rule that the patients in any ward do not have the right to have any type of relationship with another patient.”
“What are we suppose to do? Not talk to anybody else?”
“No physical relationship.”
“Oh I see.”
“Also one of the nurse said that she found Mr. Taylor and yourself in quite a position this morning. All patients must sleep in their own beds. So as punishment for you actions we are going to separate Mr. Taylor and yourself and you are strictly not to talk to each other for the rest of the time here. Do I make my self clear?”
“Are you fucking serious? Because you found us sharing a bed and making out I can’t speak to him for the rest of time I’m here?”
“Fuck that.”
“I have to warn you Mr. Kinney that if you don’t follow this instructions than I will have to move one of you to a different ward.”
“This is fucking retarded.”
“You may return to your ward now.”
Brian got up and walked out. As he was walking down the hall he saw Justin walking with another nurse. He didn’t dare to look at the boy.
“Brian what happened? What did they say?”
Brian continued to walk, ignoring Justin. If talking to Justin would cost never seeing him again than this is what he had to do.

This is my last chapter of this story.
I hope you enjoyed reading it!

Chapter 6

Justin sunk deep into depression after he got back from Dr. Zepeda’s office and saw that Brian’s stuff had all been pact. Brian was the only one that could pull his life together. He made him forget all about Jacob and most importantly he made him smile. He hasn’t done that in what seemed like forever. How was he going to make it the rest of the time if he couldn’t say one word to Brian? He needed Brian.
He sat on his bed and got out his sketch book. He could see Brian sitting on the couches from his room. He was watching TV with the other boys. He eyes were stern and his mouth was tightly shut. He looked fuckin pissed. Justin still thought he looked perfect. He began to draw.
For the past two years all Justin drew were dark morbid things. This was the first time he drew something that had nothing to do with Jacob and his old life.
He bit his lip as he concentrated on his eyes. This guy was Justin life savor. He couldn’t just let him go and forget him forever.

Brian looked over at his old room to see if Justin was back. He was surprised when he saw Justin sitting there with a notebook in his lap looking right at him. He tried to smile but he couldn’t. He got up and walked to the other side of the couch. He couldn’t take any chances.

Days went by and the two boys were barely in each other presence. Brian tried his hardest to avoid Justin. It would be easier if he didn’t keep staring at him.

As a week passed both boys got high enough in their levels to the point where they could go outside and play. They were both on their last color and any day now either one of them could be going home.

One rainy day Justin was outside drawing the other boys playing football. He felt someone tap on his shoulder. Brian put his finger to his mouth to let Justin know to be quiet. Then he waved for him to follow. He took Justin’s hand and led him to the side of the building were the tall hedges were. They went behind them and whispered.

“Brian I’ve been wanting to talk to you for forever.”
“Shh. Be quiet or we’ll get caught.”
“Don’t be.” Brian touched the side of Justin’s face. His hands were cold.
“I couldn’t leave without telling you goodbye.”
“You’re leaving!”
“Sorry…when?” Justin said quieter.
“I’m getting dismissed tonight.”
“Yea, I know.”
“Well here let me give you my number.”
Justin got out a pen and grabbed Brian’s hand and wrote his phone number.
“I gotta go, their expecting me.”
“I’m going to fucking miss you Brian.” Tears filled his eyes.
“This is not the end Sunshine. We’re going to see each other again. I promise.”
“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”
Brian looked directly into Justin’s eyes.
“You have no idea what you do to me. How you make me feel things that I told myself I wouldn’t feel anymore. I lo…”
“Brian Kinney, please come to the front desk.” The speakers blurted.
“Brian, you’ve changed my life. You’ve inspired me. You’ve given me hope. I will never forget you Brian Kinney. I love you.”
Brian took Justin’s face into his hands and kissed him. He didn’t want to break apart but he knew the nurses would be looking for him.
“I’ve got to go.”
“Wait before you go let’s make a pact right here. That we will never forget one another and we will see each other again.”
“Okay deal. It will be our Suicide Pact.”
They both laughed.
“Brian!!!” one of the nurses shouted.
“I really have to go now.”
He kissed him one last time.
“I will see you again, promise.”
Then Brian left.

The next day Justin went back to the world of reality. He couldn’t believe how different his outlook on life was. He saw the beauty in it. He felt alive now and eager to put the past behind him.

He waited. Day after day. When the phone rang he was always the first one to answer it. It was never him. Soon days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and then months turned to years and he never heard of him. He tried looking in the phone book for his name but it wasn’t listed. He started his life at college. He went to PIFA and studied art. If it wasn’t for Brian he would had never dreamed of even considering that school.
Time passed and Brian still was in the back of his mind. Always there. He kept the picture he drew and looked at it every so often. He never gave up hope but he knew it was time to move on with his life.


Year 2001
Liberty Avenue
2:00 in the morning.

”That was quick.”
”Well, when you've had as much practice as he's had...”
”I got bored.”
“I know. Getting your dick sucked can be so tedious.”
”Well, he looked pretty hot to me.”
”Well, anybody would look hot to you.”
Brian glanced over to street for a second and that’s when he saw him. He was beautiful and he knew that he was going to be his tonight. He stopped and leaned against a lamp post.
“How's it going? You had a busy night?”
”Just, uh, checking out the bars, you know. BoyToy, Meathook.”
”The Meathook. Really? So you're into leather?”
He was like a God but damn he looked so fucking familiar.
”Where you headed?”
”No place special.”
”I can change that.”
That’s when the pieces fell into place. Both of their eyes widened.
“Fuck, Justin?”
“Holy shit it is you. I can’t believe it.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I live here. I’ve always lived here. What about you? I’ve never seen you here before.”
“After the mental home my parents moved me to Philadelphia.”
“Wow, I’ve been waiting years to see you. How are ya?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. Still sacrificing cats are we?”
“Haha I gave that shit up years ago.”
“So…how bout it?”
“How bout what?”
“You come to my place tonight.”
“I would love to.”
“Good. Let’s go.”

And that’s where it all began.


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