My Addicted Son/Doomed from the Start2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Life with a child addicted to heroin

Submitted: July 26, 2015

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Submitted: July 26, 2015

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I don't have alot of memories of my childhood for some reason. It was a different kind of family life, especially in the 70's and 80's. Maybe Tyler was predisposed to be an addict because maybe all of my dysfunction in my family, and his dads family, took a toll on an innocent young boy. Is that even possible?!?! We are products of how we are raised, but cycles can be broken and, at some point, you know right from wrong. 
When I was 3 years old, my mom and dad got divorced. She ran off with another man. I was only 3 so, obviously, I don't remember any of this. My dad got remarried (I am unsure how old I was at the time but young enough to think this woman was my mom). They had a son and a daughter together as well as she had 2 children from another marriage. So..6 kids total (I love math haha). Its funny how your memory works - I can remember what I wore on my first day of school, in first grade, but some of the memories in my childhood are blank, some are etched in fire. 
I remember we were happy, and then one day we weren't. I was about 8 or 9 years old when she, and my 2 brothers and my 2 sisters moved out. We didnt even know they had been fighting or that there was trouble. My dad never really explained a whole lot to us, about anything. I know that one night, he rushed us to my aunts house where we stayed the night and she explained what was going on to us. Turns out, when my step mom left, she had told my dad that she no longer wanted to raise my sister and me,she wanted us sent to our real mom, who we didn't even know, to live. My dad was given an ultimatum, he either send us to our mom or she was leaving. She left, so I guess that was the answer. Anyway, my dad got a phone call that my brother was in the hospital. He had taken the electrical cord to a TV set and decided to munch on it and got shocked (he still has a small scar on his mouth to this day). He came back with my brother and sister and got custody of them. I don't know where she went or what happened that they were left alone, we were never told that and we didn't really need to know. This starts a string of housekeepers and step moms. I want to say I had 8 stepmoms, but I think its actually my dad was married 8 times. We had housekeepers who became step moms. One thing I do remember as a kid is that, when I found out the woman who I thought was may mom wasn't, I cried my eyes out. That was the last time I cried like that over anyone who was viewed as or wanted to be my mother. In between housekeepers and step moms, we used to spend the summers with my grandparents. My grandfather, as it turns out, liked his granddaughters a bit more that a grandfather is supposed to. He was also an alcoholic which I was too young to realize at the time (he passed away when I was 16 years old). He used to make passes at my sister and me. I always managed to get away from him and was NEVER alone in a room with him, ever. My sister wasn't so lucky though. One day I walked in and caught them. They were visiting us for a couple of weeks, they lived in Illinois and we lived in Indiana. After they left to go home, my sister and I told my dad the truth about my grandfather and he had a typical reaction, he accused us of lying. I will never forget that as long as I live. We didnt know it at the time, but my grandfather was already sick and wasn't going to be around much longer. I hate to admit this, but when he passed, all I felt was relief. I felt no sadness at all and I still don't, although I have forgiven. Forgiveness releases any control that one person can have over you. We were not responsible for what he did, we are only responsible for what we do, but you have to release any resentment you have and you have to do that through forgiving. I learned that from my son in rehab. 
We had a step mom who had a set of twin daughters and a daughter who was deaf. She would sit in the middle of the living room floor and scream at the top of her lungs for HOURS on end. Of course, she couldn't hear so she didn't realize she was even screaming. It was awful. 
They got divorced, moved out, moved back in and got remarried again. I guess sometimes it can work out, but if it didn't work out the first time, why would you think it would work out the second time? 
I had one step mom who was suicidal. I think she was suicidal anyway, seems she was always out there and my dad, at one time, had her committed for awhile. I remember one time, around Christmas, she had me go to the car to get something for her out of the trunk. I guess she forgot that all of our Christmas presents were in there and I saw everything! I was in heaven that day. 
I had one stepmom who was very "country" and grew up in southern Indiana. I know what you're thinking..isn't everyone from Indiana country? 
She was probably my favorite, and had a huge family. Christmas and Thanksgiving were full houses. This was the first time I saw my dad try to drink and party. I was in high school at the time, so I didn't care but it was funny. He wasn't very good at it. There was one more step mom after that, but I was already grown and gone. 
There is so much to the inbetweens in this story which include my sister running away from home for a few months, she was mad because my dad wouldn't let her date her 19 year old boyfriend. She was 15. She ended up getting pregnant in high school and my dad made her give the baby up for adoption. Back then, you listened to and did what your parents told you to do. She ended up marrying a guy who joined the army, got stationed in Germany, had 2 kids, they got divorced and she left all of them (sound familiar?). She got remarried, had another son, and became the most controlling, overbearing mother and wife that I have ever met in my life. I don't think they could even breathe. She didn't work, her husband provided for the family and when she didnt have enough money to buy what she wanted, she would cash checks or write checks on money that wasn't in the account. He was constantly getting payday loans to cover for the checks she wrote. For some odd reason, she decided she wasn't happy so she met someone, another woman. She moved out of the house (trailer) and into her house. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't pass judgment on anyone at all..not my place, God will take care of that, and its whatever makes you happy. But she ended up throwing my sister out and her husband took her back. 
My little sister got married to probably one of the greatest guys I have ever met. He was the kindest, easiest to get along with people I have ever met. They had a son and daughter and my little sister had an affair. She was never really happy, but she never really knew what happiness was. They ended up moving to Texas because he had a construction company. It was small, but he knew Texas would be good to get it booming. They split up and he moved back to Indiana, his family is here. He ended up getting murdered a few years ago. He was shot by his girlfriends estranged husband who then killed himself. 
My brother got married, had a daughter, got divorced, then got remarried. She had a daughter and then they had a daughter. He retired from the air force and one day his wife decided she wasn't happy and they got divorced. I don't know why she wasn't happy and I don't need to know.
I got married in 1979 when I was 19 years old. My dad loved this guy. I only married him to get out of the house..sad, but true. What I didn't realize was that this guy liked to party. We were always going to parties where there were plenty of alcohol and drugs. Even when I was married to him, I didn't drink or do any kind of drugs. The drugs back then were pills. I guess it was mainly that, that was all I ever saw. But for him it was alcohol and it was every single weekend. After four years, I had had enough. We got divorced and I decided to go to Tennessee and get to know my mom. I drove down there and stayed a couple of months. I did find out that the reason she left was because she wanted more to her life than to be a stay at home mom. She wanted a job. My dad wouldn't let her get a job until we started school then she could work if she wanted to. She said that she was going crazy, met someone, and left. The reason she left us behind was because she knew with my dad we would go to school, have food on the table and a roof over our head. She had no idea where she was going or what she would be doing. I actually have no idea how her life turned out. One thing I don't ever do was wonder how my life would have been had she stayed. It would make no difference at all and maybe cause heartache that I don't need. I'm not even sure about that. She passed away in 1989 and when she did, it was like losing an acquaintance. I didn't get to feel the heartache and raw emotion that you feel when your mom passes on. I have yet to decide if I am grateful or sad about that. So, in all this, I never learned what a good relationship is, but one thing I did learn was that I didn't want to be like my dad and have relationship after relationship. Remember that for later use. I did realize, as an adult, that my dad had custody of 4 young kids. He wanted to make sure we were taken care of and all stayed together. I do believe that the reason for all of the relationships was because he had to work so he needed someone to take care of us and didn't want to have to worry about that. I also believe that, after we were all grown and gone, he just didn't want to be by himself. I also wouldn't trade the life I had for any kind of "normal" life that anyone else had.


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