My Addicted Son/Get out of your own way

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Having a child who is a heroin addict

I actually don’t know too much about addiction, other than living with a drug addict.  I know they will all destroy you, one just may take longer than another.  Some may take years, with others your life could be over in an instant.  I think the purpose of this writing isn’t to help others as I don’t believe I have the ability to do that, but kind of to help self heal if that is even possible.  I am sure there are others out there who can relate, and I’m sure some who have been through alot worse.

Tyler went to Indiana a couple of years ago to stay with his dad, kind of get a fresh start.  I guess fresh starts for addicts means finding new suppliers – I don’t know.  Anyway, his dad found out he was a heroin addict and told him that he had to ride back and forth to work with him only and he also had to empty out his pockets leaving for work and coming home from work.  So, I guess he actually thought that would help him get clean.  It doesn’t do anything at all.  There is one thing that is completely true and I think this goes just about for everyone, addict or not, and that is, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want the help. So, through all of this while he was with his dad in Indiana, Tyler decided he wanted to get clean.  He started going to NA meetings.  His dad didn’t believe him, they got into an argument and he kicked him out.  You actually do get to the point where you don’t believe anything they say.  Anyway, so he came back out here and I told him he could stay with me as long as he decided to be clean but the rules were this…you come in high, you are out.  If you have ever seen a heroin addict high, its horrible.  He was 24 at this time.   He did real well for about 2 weeks and then, he came high as a freaking kite.  And like I said, to see them in this state is awful.  I don’t ever want to see that again.  So we told him he either had to go to rehab or he had to leave.  He chose to leave and had a friend pick him up.  I decided at that point that he can’t live with me anymore.  When you have an addict son, you will drive both of you crazy, at least thats what happened to me.  I found myself wanting to know every person he talked to, every text he got, wanted to know his every move, questioned everything..I’m not doing that again.  Your home is supposed to be your safe haven, but it isn’t like that.  It becomes a prison.  I find myslef hiding my wallet, anything that can be sold for money.  I work hard for what I have and its not going to be taken from me and sold for a fix.  I have already been through enough of that.  Anyway, he found a new girlfriend and she has a special needs son.  A great kid and she is a good girl..who also became a heroin addict.  They spent every dime they had on heroin, plus whatever they borrowed from anyone else.  He got in trouble for theft and Child Protective Services came out, drug tested both of them, they both  failed, and now her son lives with her mom.  So, Tyler finally started calling different rehabs and found one.  He had to go to the crisis center to detox first and what did he do the very morning before going to detox – you guessed it – he went and got high.  He detoxes and goes straight into rehab.  After being there for about a week, he called his girlfriend and asked her to pick him up because he was all better.  Luckily, she said no.  She didn’t want him to leave.  She told me one time that she had to call the paramedics a couple of times because he OD’d and turned blue.  Why would anyone want to live like that?!?!?  I guess when you are deep into addiction, you don’t care.  You no longer have the ability to get out of your own way.  He successfully completed rehab and went to a place they call the farm.  They give you a job, maybe not the most glamorous job, but an income.  You have to pay rent, but its taken right out of your check.  You may not have much left, but you don’t really need alot.  He decided to leave there because he didn’t believe in the things that they believe in, or so he said.  He was out on the streets for a couple of days and then went back to rehab.  After rehab, they have a place called transition housing that you can move into.  Its like living on your own, but you still have rules, and a curfew, that you have to abide by.  He wanted to go into transition housing, but they wanted him to take a mini re-rehab and after he got into it, they wanted him to do the full 90 days of rehab.  I am guessing they saw something that he didn’t see.  I talked to his counselor and she said he became a total brat and wouldn’t do anything that he was supposed to.  He opted to leave.  He was staying with a friend who also battles addiction, but he went through rehab and is working the program.  As far as I know, he is doing well.  He said he feels that he also enable Tyler because he let him stay there for nothing and feels he did him more harm than good.  I know the feeling.  Needless to say, he relapsed.  At what point, does all of this become a choice and not a need?  I don’t know if that makes sense, but you go through rehab, get out and choose to go back to that life.  Is it a choice?  At some point, aren’t you going to get out of your own way and try to rebuild your life?


Submitted: July 15, 2015

© Copyright 2021 Linda G. All rights reserved.

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