Goodbye - A Monologue

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
A monologue I wrote for Stage 1 Drama a year ago. Inspired by true events in my life and written from real emotions and experiences.

Submitted: August 07, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 07, 2012



No light, complete darkness. Rain can be heard landing on the roof and an occasional thunderclap sounds. A spotlight slowly illuminates a stool in the centre of the stage. Beside the stool is a bottle of pills and a setup of various sized televisions. On has a blue screen, on is off, and one is static. The rest of the stage lights up with a dim glow. At the front of the stage is a camera on a tripod. A young man walks onstage and turns the camera on. The blue television turns into a live feed of the camera. The young man sits down on the stool facing the camera, and begins to talk.

For all those who watch this: This is my final goodbye. My final thoughts. The last thing to go through my head before I end it. Seems kind of pointless, but I want all the people who mean something to me to know exactly how I was feeling. No one is at fault for this, but me. It is ultimately my decision. Someone could have saved me, but that person mustn’t have really cared that much about me. This video is for the ones who actually did care. I’m ending all of this, mainly because I’m better off like this. There is only one thing I want in life, and that is the girl I love. But she’s moved on, and I simply can’t deal with it. She is the only thing that truly gave my life meaning. She was the only person who made me truly happy. If I can’t have her by my side, then I just don’t see a point in me continuing.

He picks up the bottle of pills and puts a few into his palm. He covers the lens of the camera with his other hand while he swallows the pills in his palm. He then continues to talk, gradually calming down when the pills start to kick in.

I guess the first person to mention would be my best friend, Cody. We spent years at school together, laughing, having a good time. Most people called us inseparable. You knew there was something wrong with me. Fuck, everyone knew. You were there if I needed to talk to, but honestly, sometimes you weren’t really helpful (small laugh). I do appreciate that you wanted to help me, I really do. I appreciate everyone that wanted to help me. Don’t feel like you failed. The things you said to me when I was down, made me feel better. I’m sorry for putting all my depressing shit on you as well. I just needed someone there that I could vent to. You were there most of the time, but sometimes it seemed like you didn’t want to speak to me. You wouldn’t say anything in reply. I know that it would have been hard for you to help me, since you’ve never been in a situation like me. You haven’t been in anything that resembles this at all actually... But all I needed was someone who would be there at any time for me. You were willing to help most of time, I guess you did care, and like I said, I do appreciate it. But, I just needed more. You did what you thought you could, but unfortunately I needed something more. I know we haven’t spoken much for a while, but you’ll always be a very close friend to me.

To all my other friends who knew something was wrong with me: now you know how I’m feeling. You all cared about me at least enough to ask. I’m sorry that I lied to you by telling you I was fine. The reason for that is that I can’t trust very many people. Even some of my closest friends didn’t know what I was going through. Come to think of it, there’s not a single person I’ve told absolutely everything to... Some people know some things about me; others know other things about me. But no one really knows the whole story. Actually, scratch that. One person does. And she knows who she is. So for all those people who asked what was wrong, thank you. But for all I know, you might have just been curious and not actually cared. That’s why I wouldn’t always open up to you.

The next people to mention should be my parents and my sister. To my sister Katelyn: We had our arguments and fights as kids, but as I’m sure you know, we grew closer as we grew older. I think it really helped us as a brother and sister when you moved away. I think that the distance apart was good, and it may sound like a terrible thing to say, but I’m glad you moved away. Not because I didn’t have to see you anymore, but because it helped us to become friends. When you found out that I was having a tough time, you offered to let me stay with you and Alan, just so I could get away from everything for a while. That offer really meant a lot to me. It showed that you really did care. I regret not keeping in contact with you very much. I guess we both just couldn’t find the time. To Dad: You’ve been through similar things to me. Not the actual situation, but the depression, and the feelings of worthlessness and failure. You knew how tough this can be. Luckily, you were able to deal with it and move past it. From that, you gave me some advice on dealing with my problem. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do what you did. I couldn’t deal with it and move past it. I tried, I really did. I tried all those things you told me to do, but I couldn’t make them work. However, I appreciate it. You didn’t fail, I did. It was nice that you wanted to help me get better. The distractions you and I did, like going away for a weekend, all that, I liked it. I really enjoyed having you as not only a father, but also a friend. So I guess what I’m saying to you is, thank you, for just being there. And to Mum: I’m sorry. I kept you in the dark with everything that I was going through. You found out eventually anyway, and you were supportive, so thanks for that. I hated myself for doing the things I did that worried you, because that was the last thing I wanted to do. You’ll probably think I’m being selfish for doing this to myself, but I just can’t handle it for a single day longer. I’m sorry for ever worrying you. I’m sorry for the hurt I’ll cause by doing this, but trust me, it’s better for me this way, it’s better for everyone if I’m not around anymore. I’ll be lifting the burden off of everyone’s shoulders. I’m not well, so you don’t deserve to put up with all my shit anymore. I’m sorry, but it really is the best thing for all of us. Just remember, I do love you.

He looks down, then off stage, and gets up. He reaches behind the televisions and pulls out a small stuffed bear. He sits down again, and keeps looking at the bear. He then looks back at the camera, and takes some more pills. By now, he is very calm. His speech is fluent and his movements are minimal.

There’s only one more person I want to say goodbye to. I know you really don’t want anything to do with me right now, or at all for the rest of your life really. At least this is the last you’ll ever have to hear from me or put up with me. But I really want to let you know about this. I still love you, with everything that I am and with everything that I have. I really do. I would do absolutely anything, and I mean anything, to be able to hold you in my arms again, to just be there with you. But I can’t have that, so that means there’s no point in me being around anymore. I still remember when you gave this bear to me. You were only away for a few days, but to me they seemed like years. I missed you so much when you were away. When you came back, you gave this to me. ‘Hug me’ it says. I really wish I could do that just one more time. I miss everything about you. I miss your beautiful face, I miss how your voice can make me feel happy, and I miss the little things about you that I loved about you. If I could wish for anything right now, I would wish for you to be happy. There’s no use for me to be happy anymore, it’s just a waste. But you can still be happy. You moved on from me fairly quickly, just like that. He snaps his fingers. You wanted me out of your life, and you still do. I know you’re probably watching this thinking ‘whatever’, or something like that, but I really hope the things I’ve said here truly mean something to you. I’m sorry for everything. I love you, so much.

He puts the bear down next to the stool.

Well, I think that’s enough from me for now. I’ve said what I wanted to say, so I hope the people I’ve said those things to can now understand what’s going on. This has helped me finally make my ultimate decision.

He gives a slight sly smile, then gets up and turns the camera off. As he does that, the live feed on the television cuts back into blue. He takes his final pills as the lights go black. The noise of the rain and occasional thunder gradually gets louder before a final thunderclap sounds, and everything else goes silent.

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