He stares at the floor. He doesn't say a word, he just stares. He replays every moment over and over in his mind. She's gone. The words that keep repeating inside of his head. He's angry and severely depressed. He hasn't eaten or slept. She left and took a piece of him with her. Not a small piece of course not. She took the piece of him that was happy.
He walks and sees her everywhere. He lost something that he can never replace. She was the most important thing in his life and now she is gone and he is left with nothing except pain. He feels as if he can't breathe. She was the most important thing that he had in his life.
She's gone. She is never coming back. Gone. Gone. Gone. You are left with nothing. You are nothing, he thought.
His vision is now blurred by the sudden tears that appear in his eyes. He is lost and he doesn't know where to go from here. How could he possibly move on when she was the love of his life? He all of sudden felt as if he was going to be sick. He wanted to feel her touch. He needed to hold her. He needed her.
He continues to walk around and studies the room that surrounded him. The room she used to love. The library. Oh how she loved to read. He used to tease her about how much she would read. He remembers she would sit in the chair right next to the window with a book in her hand and he would stare at her with amazement. He couldn't get over how beautiful she was.
He felt anger build up inside of him. He shouldn't have let her leave. He should have fought harder for her. In a way, he drove her away. At the beginning, they were happy. Waking up holding each other, calling in sick to work because they just wanted to spend time together. She would fix breakfast wearing one of his shirts. He would take pictures of her even though she hated it when he did that but he couldn't help it. She was just so beautiful, inside and out. He wanted to capture every moment of them being together.
Then, things started to slowly change. She started working later and so did he. They tried to spend time together but it seemed like every time they would, a fight would be started and the time would be ruined. This started to become an everyday occurrence and then it just came to a time where they would hardly speak to each other. He didn't know why it had come to this. The anger continued to grow inside of him. He shouldn't have let it come to this. He should have told her that he loved her everyday and that she was beautiful and that he was miserable without her. He should have made her feel important because she was but now she was gone.
He then walks over to the desk in the corner of the room and sees the framed picture of them when they had gone to the beach together. He grabbed the picture and walked around the room with it, cradling it in his hands. He then walks over to the wall, placing his back against it and seats himself on the floor. He closes his eyes and imagines her with him. He pictures her smile. Thoughts of her take over his mind. He thinks to himself, You are so damn stupid. Look what you have done. You caused this pain among yourself. You deserve to feel this way. You had such a beautiful thing and you ruined it. You did. You can't fix this.
He then opened his eyes feeling outraged. He hates himself. He decides to destroy everything that reminds him of her. He throws the picture frame across the room, hearing the glass break. He tears up the books that surround him. He punches the shelves, breaking them. Anything to get her out of his thoughts. The pain he has endured is unbearable. He can't stand it any longer. He wants the pain to end. He continues to express his rage. His hands start to severely bleed from all of the violent hits but he doesn't care. Make it stop, make the pain stop, he thought. After feeling overwhelmed with emotion, he falls to the floor cradling his head in his bleeding hands and starts to sob. He can't hold it in anymore. He can't handle it. He couldn't believe his own stupidity. He let her go. He drove her away. He let her walk out of his life and it was all of his fault. He continued to sob. He wants her back yet he thinks he doesn't deserve to get her back considering he drove her away.
He remembers the terrible day. Her beautiful face covered in tears, her eyes swollen. The day they fought so violently. They day was filled with yelling, screaming and tears. He blames himself for all of it. He caused pain for the love of his life and she didn't deserve it. She deserved happiness and everything that was good in life. He believed that he deserved to be lonely and miserable for the rest of his life. He believed this to be the proper punishment because he was the one who had ruined everything.
After sitting there sobbing for a long period of time, he started to calm down a bit. He looked over at the broken picture frame across the room. He slowly crawled over and grabbed the picture. He looked at the smile on her face with his swollen eyes. He then closed his wet eyes and tried to remember their beautiful moments that they had together. More tears fell through his closed eyelids but a small smile appeared on his face. Although she was gone and he would feel pain from it, he would have those memories they had spent together forever. He would never forget that beautiful timein his life. He cherished every moment he had with her. The only thing he could do nowwas to wish her happiness. He then felt as if he didn't deserve her because she was too good for him. She deserved better. His smile quickly faded as he thought this.
He couldn't seem to pull himself together. Every time he thought of her, he simply fell apart.
While he was sitting on the floor resting his head upon his knees, he heard something. At first he ignored it. He didn't care what it was but then he had heard a sound again. He slowly raised his head, exposing his swollen eyes and letting his bloody hands rest on his knees. He saw in the shadows a familiar face. The love of his life was standing there studying him with the expression of pain upon her face.
Heimmediatelylooked away and said, "Don't look at me. Please, just don't. I don't want you to see me like this." He covered his face so she wouldn't see his tears. He was wondering why she was here. He wanted to look at her but he didn't know if he had the strength to.
She looked around at the messy room, then back at him and her eyes fell upon his bloody hands. She felt sorry for him. When she had come, she tried to control her emotions so he wouldn't know that she was in pain but then she saw this. She didn't think she would have caused him this much pain. She slowly started to walk towards him. He heard her footsteps and tried to tell her to stop but he didn't have the strength to say it. She kneeled down in front of him and grabbed both of his hands. They were starting to bruise. He then managed to look at her. She had tears in her eyes. He lifted his hand so he could place it upon her cheek to try to soothe her but then stopped himself for a moment. He wondered if she even wanted him to touch her but she wasn't giving any indication that she didn't want him to so he did. Looking at her as if it pained him to see her cry, he whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." As she heard his words, she closed her eyes and started to cry. She tried to control herself but she couldn't. There hadn't been a day that had gone by that she didn't think about him.
He then placed his other hand on her other cheek, cradling her face in his hands and wiping the tears that fell from her eyes. She then raised her hands putting them on his. They both knew that they had gone through hard times but it was harder to be apart from each other. She opened her eyes and stared into his swollen eyes for a moment. She saw the man that she loved. The man that she would always love. She then wrapped her arms across his neck and hugged him. His arms wrapped around her waist and he held her tightly while she was stroking his hair with her hand.
At that moment, he was certain that he would never drive her away again. He wanted to be the one who made her happy. He cherished this moment more than she'd ever know. It was a beautiful moment.
He pulled back and placed his forehead against hers while closing his eyes. He thought about how lucky he was to have her. He then slowly leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Her touch made him feel as if she brought him back to life and his touch made her feel the same way. They both never wanted to be apart again. She felt his embrace and thought about how much she had missed him.
After sharing a long kiss with each other, he pulled back and stared at her. While stroking the side of her face, he whispered, "I love you." She stared at him with a smile slowly appearing on her lips and she whispered back, "I love you too." He smiled as he heard those beautiful words being said and he placed his forehead back on hers again. He made a promise to himself that he would love her until the end of time.
© Copyright 2016 Lindsey Renea. All rights reserved.
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