The Beverly HIllbilles does the Bahamas

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short story about a big surprise I did for my hubby for our anniversity.

Submitted: February 07, 2009

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Submitted: February 07, 2009

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I had been thinking about a way to show my booboo just what he really means to me. He is the best hubby ever and has done without things that he wanted to provide for our daughter and me. So I decided I was surprise him with a 10 day cruise. I had to come up with a way to pay for this without him knowing what I was doing. If I charged it, he would know, outa the savings, yep he would know. write a check! he would know. So I decided to sell on ebay. And boy did I sell. The cat wasnt even safe! ( Good thing they wont let you sell live animals. Believe me, i checked. lol) So I started paying for the cruise on jan 8th and we were to leave aug. 30th. Plenty of time. So I sold everything I could. I thought about working a little on the side on one of of the local street conors but there was a few things that stopped me. One, they good ones were all taken, Two, Who wants to pay to sleep with a fat old woman? So back to selling stuff outa the house and what I could find at yard sells and such. Hit it big by selling plants outa the yard!!!Booboo was digging up the yard every weekend and didnt have a clue why! lol
anyways, as the time gets closer, I get afraid of what he is gonna do. I almost told him a few times but our daughter talked me outa it. EVEYONE knew but booboo!!!!! Even the guys he worked with knew . so the day before we were to leave, I had a dear friend at work ( thanks again Carol!!!) call and tell him we had won tickets to a boat show in charlotte. The guys he works with said he was complaining that he had to go to some" damn old boat show" and wasnt gonna get to go fishing on his day off. They said they were blowing snot bubbles every time he complained about it. So I bought him all new shorts and such and packed the suit cases and put them in the trunk of our car while he was at work the day before we were to leave. That nite, I finally got to sleep and then I dreamed we got to the ship and he said "I aint getting on no boat that I cant fish off of" and walked off and left me standing there. I was wide awake at 3 am , sitting on the couch , watching reruns of I LOVE LUCY. booboo came in and asked me why I wasnt in bed and I told him I just couldnt sleep. the truth be told, I was a basket case! I needed a fifth of burbon and a hand full of valium!!! Finally 6 am came and booboo got up. I was already dressed and ready to hit the road. We left home around 7 am and I told him we needed to stop at the local tour place to pick up a catalog for my sister. ( that was really who we were traveling with) So we started down the road and stopped at hardees to get a biscuit. As we went on down the road, my hands were shaking so bad, i was shaking my biscuit apart! I gave him a nice long letter about how much I love him when were were about 8 miles away from the tour place. It was a full page of mush then the second page was a note about the trip we were going on. My poor booboo reads slower than I thought. I was getting reallly close and he hadnt finished the first page. I was driving so slow, it looked like a funeral prosession behind us. He was still reading the front page when I pulled into the parking lot at the tour agency. I told him he really needed to get outa the car. He decided he was gonna wait for me to get the catalog. Everyone else was on the bus waiting for us to get on to go. I finally begged him to get outa the car and go with me to get the catalog. So he finalllllly agreed and gets out and starts waking toward the building, still reading the first page of the letter!!!! I am struggling to get the suit cases outa the trunk and the carry ons and lugging them toward the bus as he walks along ahead of me reading that first page!!!!!!!
I get to the bus and poor booboo has went into the office and sat down reading page one still. The driver loads the stuff on the bus and I go after booboo. I get him and start outa the door and I tell him to get on the bus. he looks at me like I am crazy! I said we are going on a short trip . GET ON THE FREAKING BUS!!!!!!!!!! So he listens to me, still aint read page 2 , and gets on the bus. He is asking me all kinds of questions and I am trying to put the carry ons over head. Then the tour direction starts talking about the 10 day CRUISE. Man, I thought my poor booboo was gonna faint! He turned pale as a ghost.!!! Then he started telling me he could go cause he had to work on monday! I finally got the letter from him and said,. Read page 2 for crying out loud!!!!
He finally calmed down and everyone on the bus had a good laugh outa him. We get to the motel in fla for the nite before we get on the ship and poor booboo , he opens his suitcase an starts closing it back saying" this is someone else's stuff" I am dying laughing at him and finally get him to understand that I had bought all new stuff for him. If anyone knows my booboo, they know all his shorts are either cut off jeans or they have holes from fishing lures in them. THe case was full of new shorts and shirts for booboo.
The first day on the cruise was great. we were lost for the whole day! NO ONE who works on a cruise line is from the u.s. so they all have very thick accents. And as most of you know, me and booboo are full blooded redneck and sure sound it. so we soon found out that there wasnt any need in asking for directions. we just kept wondering around until we finally found what ever we were looking for. ( mostly it was our room!!!!) The second day was our first port of call. Nassau. We really could understand everything those folks . they all sounded the same, all asking for you to buy something and following you around trying to sell you something. we went on the glass bottom boat ride and saw some realllly big fish that made booboo wanna get a fishing pole. getting back on the ship was a pain since we forgot the birth certs we were to show them. and the guy asking questions couldnt understand a word we said. thank god our tour director came by and saved us from being left in nassau!!!!
The next day was just a sea day which was lots of fun. we went to the pig out deck so many times, we started to oink!! Ate alot of stuff that we didnt have a clue what it was. Poor booboo, at breakfast, he thought he was getting biscuits and gravy. I told him that gravy looked funny and i wasnt gonna eat it. he said he didnt care what it looked like and broke up 3 big bisucit and covered it in gravy. we finally found a table and sat down to eat. His first bit, I KNEW by the look on his face, that gravy wasnt right. he began looking around for somewhere to spit it and I kept telling him to swallow it. turns out the gravy was really CREAM OF WHEAT!!! I laughed so hard my sides hurt.
but he got even with me that nite at supper. I got a huge plate of salad. was fixing to take the first bit and found something with legs on it in the salad!!!!!! I fished it out to the side of my plate and we decided it was octupus.Not in my salad !!!!!! So I got to digging around in there to see if anything else had crawled in and died and found more of them plus them little fish eggs things that I aint about to try to spell. By the time I was done fishing around in my salad, there was a ton of stuff pushed out to the side and I was left with a plate of lettuce. he laughed at me as hard as I was laughing at him that morning.,
Next day was st thomas. we went on the most scary van ride I have ever been on. Those people drive on the wrong side of the road! They all drive with one hand on the horn and their foot to the floor. The hills are steep as a cows face and we were going down at 80 mph with the driver telling us to look at stuff as it flew by. All I looked at was the backs of my eye lids as I had my eyes shut the whole time. Everybody is blowing the horn at everybody else. Pulling out in front of people, cutting in traffic, And we here in the U.S. thought we invented road rage!!! They have it down to a fine art!!!
The van finally got to were we were going and slid in the parking lot and the driver yelled OUT! So we got out, in a hurry, with most of our legs shaking so bad we could barley stand! This was megans bay. BEAUTIFUL!!! They have those huge lizards walking around like we have dogs and cats here. we walked around and looked at alot of different birds and fish and stuff, tripping over a few of those huge lizards as we made our way to the bar. By this time, I could use something to drink. So booboo got me a strawberry something or the other and fries. I was sitting at a table looking at the beautiful ocean in front of me when one of the lizards climbed up in a chair beside me and sat down. I didnt notice him until he reached over and swipped one of my fries!I had a lip lock on the straw in the strawberry something or the other or he would have drank that too!!! Finally we hear a van slide back in the parking lot and a horn blow, our signal to get in and hang on.Oh yea, I forgot to tell you, this van aint got any sides to it. its just got a top and seats and NO SEAT BELTS!!!!!!!!!! back down the curvy road, wide ass open we went . Horning blowing all the way. by the time we were back to the bottom of that hill, that strawbery something or the other was asking to be let out, one way or the other. I have never been much of a drinker and this drink was STRONG! I think it was about 2 strawberries ground up in a blender and dumped into a fifth of 120 proof everclear. Was feeling pretty good till the ride back down. why didnt I think about that when I was drinking it ?? I was to busy thinking that If I didnt drink it, that dang lizard who had moved in on us would! I was soooo glad to get back on the ship. at least it was flat! for awhile anyways. then we set sail and booboo decided itss time to go to the pigout deck again. by then, the effects of the drink and the van ride are wearing off so I decide to go too. but I sure didnt want any salad with dead stuff in it. we went to the "who knows what it is" bar and ate alot of god knows what but it didnt have legs or eyes and was pretty good. I saw that they were have a "not so newlywed game" and I talked booboo into going to watch it. They was around 700 people in there. The guy hosting this, wee jimmy, asked for the most unromantic proposal. I raised my hand along with about 50-60 others and someone came around and intereviews me. I was picked as one of the top ten. Then was narrowed down to the top 5 and made to come up on the stage. ( good lord, why did I raise my hand??) it was down to 2 and I won!!!!! what did I win?? 100,000.000?? Nope, Another cruise? nope again. I won booboo having to get up on the stage , in front of 700 people, get on one knee and propose to me again. !!!!!!!!!!!! The poor man was sweating so bad, it looked like he was standing in the shower!!! I have the dvd of it if anyone wants to see it. Its flat out funny! and boy do we sound like hicks for sure!!! when we got back to our seat, booboo held on to my hand... I thought it was so sweet until he told me he was holding my hand so I didnt enter anything else!
we met a guy in the elevator going back to the pig out deck( our favorite deck!!! 10-12 different buffets!!!YES!!!!) who started talking to us about the game and he said he was glad he could understand us. he sounded just like us!!! I ask him where he was from and he said L A. well, he didnt sound like L A to me so I said" you dont really sound like L,A," and he said "lower alabama!!
The next day was the day booboo had looked forward to the whole trip. we were going to spend 4 wonderful hrs ( his words ) at a NUDE BEACH!!!!With my job, I see naked people daily so I took me a nice good book. loll
It was the prettiest beach we went to the whole time we were there. the sand was pink and the water was soooooo clear I could see my feet when I stood in it up to my neck. ( yea, I know. I was only a little bit over 4 feet deep in the water but I could still see my feet!!)And the best part??? NO ONE was naked!!! yea, way way way on down the beach, there was people the size of fleas that looked to be naked but like I said, i see naked people daily and I sure wasnt walking a mile down the beach to see anyone naked!! Booboo kept telling me he wished I had brought his binoclers, that I forgot on purpose. ( and yea, I cant spell it and I have even a harder time saying it. if you cant figure it out, its them things you look thought that makes stuff bigger)
we had a blast at this beach. I was sitting there watching the waves when this little yorkie dog wearing a bandana came over and piled down right beside me. for some reason , he took up with me and stayed with me the whole time we were there, playing in the water with us and all. booboo said I attract dogs. ( says alot for him dont it. lol) I didnt bother to bring this to his attention)
all to soon, it was time to leave and I couldnt get that little dog in my pocketbook so I have to leave him behind. turned out, he belonged to the guy running the bar at the beach. these people love to drink! there is a bar everywhere you go!!
we got back on the ship and of course back to the pig deck and booboo was thrilled to find a cornbread muffin. a pot of gold wouldnt have been better in his eyes, until he bit into it. it had coconut pudding in the middle!!!! lord if I had a picture of his face when he bit into it, !!!!! It was great, back to the look of "where do I spit this?" lol we had a few more days at sea and out last day was the roughest. I woke up at 4 am and thought we were home in our free flow waterbed and booboo was jumping up and down! I got up and bounced off the walls to the bathroom where I found my upper teeth floating back and forth in the glass they were suppose to be sleeping in. I sat and missed the toliet the first try. Had better luck the second time. I considered using the shower since it had a had a door that I could shut and not fall out of. After sitting down on the john, I watched as our towels that were hanging on the rack, floated out from the wall and back. I started to wish there was seat belts on the toilet!! After finishing, was trying to wash my hands and found that the water leaned too!!! Back to bed and the longer I laid there, the worse I felt. That strawberry something or other didnt make me as sick as the up and down hills we were riding on in the ocean! Day light finally came and boo wanted to go eat. Of course! Its day light!!!! lets eat!!!
The elevators were closed due to the rough seas and we went up the steps , with other folks who were having as much problems as we were. Up 3 down 2. Took forever to go up 6 flights of steps. I think we walked more that am , trying to get to the pig out deck , than we did the whole time we were on the ship! But alot of the walking we did was back tracking. fianlly we arrived at the pig out deck to be greeted by alot of green people. folks we had met at the first of the cruise had taken on a horrible grey/green color! No lines at the buffet bar this am!!! Didnt stop booboo! headed right over and got him a nice big plate of scrambles eggs and bacon which slid off the plate on the way to the table. I tried to get to the table with a boiled egg on the plate and it rolled off and under someones table and was prompty stepped on. The yellow of the egg appeared to be as green as the person who stepped on it. I gave up and just got a peice of toast that I carried in my hand. after a few trips , booboo finally got to the table with all his food on his plate. as he sat the plate down, the ship leaned and there went his plate. He made a dive for it and caught it before it slid right off the table. good thing he likes his food mixed together cause you couldnt tell what was what after that! all day long, no lines at the buffet bar, no lines at the bars either. everyone was walking around wearing the same thing, sea sick patches. the directions on my box said to put one behind each ear. I saw people who were more patches than skin!! 20 or so patches on one person and they were still green!!!!!!That nite was the famous chocolate bar. thank god the sea had calmed down cause I had been waiting for this !!! chocolate covered everything!!!! My favorite was the melting chocolate fountain. lots of stuff to dip in the melting milk chocolate! I grabbed some nanners on a stick and tried my luck with dipping. not to good.two times got the stick back with no nanner . some guy behind me in line yelled" grab it with your fingers lady, your holding up the line!!! I gave up and got the strawberries and dipped them. they were great! then the melting lava cake. good lord this is the best stuff I have ever ate! three peices later, i was sick as a dog. wayyyyy to much of a good thing!!!!!
That was the shorted 10 days of my life and it was the best. I had booboo all to my self, no fishing buddies calling wanting to go fishing, no one coming over to get booboo to fix something. just me and booboo and 5,000 other people and it was wonderful. even if we were nicknamed the beverly hillbilles by the people on the ship.!


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