The Bigbird

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a true story about a HUGE bird.

Submitted: February 07, 2009

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Submitted: February 07, 2009

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I love my job but sometimes working out in the field( I go from house to house taking care of clients for the health agency I work for) , you can run into some strange things.
I pulled up at a clients house one day , got outa my car, and heard this really weird noise. It sounded like a duck being strangled. I looked around and all I saw was their roll out trash can. They live in town where you can get garbage pickup, not out in the boonies where we live and there aint such a thing. The garbage company provides them with a HUGE trash can on wheels. Its about shoulder high on me . Not saying alot for me but that is a pretty tall trash can. anyways, i started toward the house and I saw what looked like a big bird head sticking up over the trash can. I stopped and looked again and it was!!! The biggest bird I have ever seen was standing on the other side of the trash can looking over the top of it at me!!!!Time to run!!!!!!!!!!! and boy did my little stubbs of legs haul my fat butt right up the steps and straight into the house. Forget knocking, I had to get in before that bird did!!! I came barrelling into the clients home and she was sitting in her bed in the den looking at me like I had totally lost it. ( for those who really know me in real life, bet you think that too) anyways, She is bedbound and cant get outa the bed and was thinking I was on something as I was telling her there was a four foot bird beside her trash can. Bless her heart, she ask me how long I had been out in the heat and then started holding up fingers for me to count. I tried my every loving best to convince her that big bird was in her front yard. She just kept patting me telling me that I would be ok once I cooled off some. I swear I think she was trying to sneak and call 911 to come get the crazy woman outa her house. I heard a noise in the other room and relized her son was home. So I go grab him( he was in his drawers as usual. I have seen her son in his undies more than I have seen my own hubby in his!) and dragged him out the front door.I KNOW that his mom was trying to call 911 now cause she thought that this crazy woman was taking her son! * note* Her son is no little feller. hes 30 yrs old and is 6'3 and weighs around 270. She just knew that this nut who came running into her home , blabbering about big bird had taken her baby. I drag mr cool in his drawers out the front door and said "LOOK!!!!" pointing at the trash can. He looks at the trash can and says" yep. its a trash can. we have garbage pick up in the city" The freaking bird wasnt there!!!!!!! I looked around the small yard and didnt see it no where. I tried to tell him about big bird and he kept telling me big bird came on tv on sunday morning! Then it moved.... It was sitting down beside the trash can and we couldnt see it before cause of a bush. It stood up and started walking, waltzing, or whatever big bird does away from us.Mr cool bout messed his nice little tighty whiteies!!! He grabbed my arm and yelled " GET IN THE HOUSE LITTLEJO, THAT *&*%$ BIRD IS GONNA CARRY YOUR &^% OFF!!!!!!)We both tried to get in the front door at the same time ( me and mr cool, not the bird) .. but we wouldnt fit. he finally pretty much shoved me in the door and he slammed the front door shut and leaned on it. I dont think the bird was actually coming after me but I didnt hang around to see. He opened the door a little bit and peaked out after a few minutes and it was gone.
I took care of his mom who now believed that big bird was in her front yard and her home health staff hadnt been around the way snorting a line with some of the junkies up the hill. I got ready to leave and was really dreading it. I called mr cool to come go with me to the car and he refused!!!He said he would stand on the porch and watch and if the bird got me, he would shoot it down before it got to high up with me. That really made me feel alot better. ( yea right)
I eased out the front door and looked around. No bird... I tiptoed down the steps, no bird, I got almost to my car and noticed the folks sitting on their porch a few houses up from my clients. On the top of their house was big bird!!!! I pointed up for them to go out in their yard and look up and they finally did and I swear grannie lady looked like roadrunner heading for the door. She mowed down grandpa and kept right on going like he wasnt there, staggering behind her trying to get in the door. I looked back at my clients home to see if my body guard was still watching out for me and he was no where to been seen. Front door shut tight and I bet the bolt lock was on too!!! I wondered if he was inside moving the couch in front of the door!!
I ran on to my car and got in and left. We have never seen big bird since and believe me I look for him every time I pull up there!


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