The Dildo

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short story about a very dear friend of mine who I love dearly.

Submitted: February 07, 2009

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Submitted: February 07, 2009

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I have a very dear friend who is quite a bit older than I am. She is very very shy and naive . She married when she was 14 and stayed married until he died recently. A few yrs ago, I heard about a huge yard sale that was going to happen close to our home.All the contents of the home was to be sold cause the man had died and lady was placed in a nursing home and the grandson was selling everything to provide for her stay at the home.I called up my friend who loves yard sales and of course she wanted to go so off we went. The grandson had taken everything outa the house and sat it on tables in the yard. The dressers were sat out there with the drawers open and the chest of drawers also. There was lots of tables with stuff on them also. I was walking around looking at stuff and got seperated from my friend. I found a set of false teeth and was looking for her to ask her if she thought they would fit her and I spotted her. waaaay at the other end of the table. She had a viberator in her hand, looking quizzly at it. turning it over, then she found the control on the bottom that turned it on. Then she found out it was a three speed and made this loud whinning noise!It sounded like a outboard motor run aground! People was looking at her and walking away sniggerling. I began making my way toward her when she cranked the viberater wide open and began rubbing it up and down her neck and across her shoulers. Now this thing was not just any vibeorator, it had attachments with it and had a nice little velvet carrying case. She was having a grand old time rubbing her neck and shoulders and didnt even notice that everyone had left the sell except us! The man having the sell went into the house and shut the door. After all, this was his GRANDPARENTS stuff and I bet he didnt have a clue they had this upgraded dildo with attachments at their house! I have seen these for sale on various websites and these big boys dont come cheap either.Anyways, as she was getting lost in wonderful shoulder rubs, i began yelling at her to put that thing down. She looked at me all glassy eyes and said " lookie here what I found! This cute little gizmo with these little things that hook on it somehow. and see... it has a little 3 speed motor too!!!! And it comes with a velvet box to keep from loosing the little things!!!" I again told her to put that thing down and get in the car but she was to busy showing me how the little motor worked. I grabbed her hand and yelled" GET IN THE DAMN CAR!!!!!!!!!" She looked like I had slapped her. She put the dildo back in the little velvet case and went to the car, muddering to herself all the way. As I got in the car, she said" well, I never. I dont know whats wrong with you but if this is how you are gonna act all day long just turn this buggy around and take me right back home." I said do you have any idea what that was you were playing with? She said" some little thing with a little motor and some other stuff. why? I said it was a freaking viberator!!!! and she said" whats that!!!!!!!!!!!" Good lord, I could have died. tell me now, how you would go about explaining viberating dildo to a 65 yr old woman??? So after much stammering and studdering, I finally got her to understand what it was for and she said' WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU LET ME RUB MY NECK WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH DEAR LORD!!!!!!!! TELL ME YOUR ARE LYING. PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE LYING!!!!" I told her no, i was telling her the truth and she started telling me very loudly to stop at the grocery store we were getting close to. So I stopped and she pratically ran from the car to the store.. Didnt say a word to me, just opened the door and flew into the store. I waited and waited for her to come back out and here she came, carrying a big roll of paper towels and a bottle of rubbing alochol and proceeded to take a bath with it. I was laughing so hard my sides were hurting. we went on to a few more yard sales and as we were coming back past this sale, i said I wold like to stop and see if anyone bought the false teeth. Before I got the whole statement out, I lost feeling in my rt arm. My dear sweet friend had grabbed my arm so tight she had cut the circulation off . She looked like someone possessed . She said " DO AND DIE!!!!!" I drove right on past the false teeth. Never did find out if they sold. But I did find a nice big bruise on my arm the next day. wonder where that came from!


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