Darkness asking for a prayer from God

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
Rememberance of a difficult time of the loss of my father but reflecting on his love for his children.

Submitted: August 12, 2011

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Submitted: August 12, 2011

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Darkness asking for a prayer from God

 

 

Rushing through the down pouring rain in the deep darkness of the curvy roads wishing for time to back up and stop. After receiving the call from my dad’s wife that things had change and we needed to get to the hospital. As I rushed around the house to get myself together; feeling very loss and confused by this news as I had just talked to him and had seen him the day before. Living almost an hour away and then another hour to get to the hospital knowing that time was essential I started out but I had to stop on my way to my mom’s house to see if my sister was there but more importantly I needed to tell my mom about dad and I needed her right now for me. My sister was not there at my mom’s so we had someone working on getting her to the hospital as I needed to get going since it would take a couple hours to get to the hospital to be with my dad.

As I drove the storm was so intense, the rain so strong with water sitting on the road and sometimes hydroplaning through them. The country roads were darker than they have ever been and the unsure feelings of my surroundings, my own driving now as it all seemed so different to me very unfamiliar to me. Why now when I have driven these roads for years in all kinds of weather and I didn’t need this as I had to make it in record time. There were times I was praying to god for some light on the roads as it was truly hard to see with the down pour and all the water sitting on the road made it dangerous. It was as if he was listening to me at the appropriate times there was the brightest lightening that actually helped me see through those scary curves of the road that was so dark. Arriving at dad’s home as his wife was waiting for me she was as anxious as I was and the drive was the quietest drive we had ever encountered with each other. My thoughts were on how, why and when did all this change for he was doing well according to the doctor with the chemo treatments. Surely she was thinking her own thoughts with the same disbelief I had on the whole situation.

Racing for time we hurried into the hospital which was as quiet as it was very late or early in the morning. Walking into his room as he turned his wife said look who is here to see you; referring to me. As soon as my dad saw me his first comment was “what are you doing here?!” I lied and said “I wanted to come see you “but he knew it wasn’t normal hours and he gave me this look as if he knew what was truly happening and rolled over.  It wasn’t like he wanted to engage in a conversation at this point. No one does what are all the things you want to say as you know the end is near. Having known you have said all the things before but now knowing it will be your last time to actually say it face to face it was gut wrenching. I didn’t want my dad of all people to leave, he was my dad, my protector always even after I had been married and divorced I could count on him for anything and everything. He worked so hard all his life to give our family, us kids a good life and now for him to be at this point of his life and he had not being in  his retirement years yet was hard to understand.

During my final hours with my dad I felt the strong love he had for me, holding my hand all the way to the final moment. Calling my mom so she could talk to dad as they had their own connection of feelings for one another as they had been married for over thirty years, my sister arrived with her pillow in her arms as she felt this would be a long day with dad and she was daddy’s little girl. Unfortunately, my brother being out of state couldn’t get here though spoke with dad briefly while he could talk. Felt a bit of sadness for his wife as she looked lost and a bit left out. He seemed to reach for our hands, his kids to maybe reassure us or he wanted to hold on as long as he could. When every year brings another Father’s Day it just doesn’t seem possible that he is gone, even after fifteen years. I take with me his love for me, the many things whether small or large that he taught me and use it.


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