A Vacant Shell

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
How I lost everything

Submitted: December 02, 2011

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Submitted: December 02, 2011

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“I love you too.” 

 

There was a long pause, and the rest remained unspoken.  I watched her with tears in my eyes as she tilted her head down slightly and her eyes averted mine.  She looked down at the ground between us.

 

“But…”  I struggled to even get that word out.  She looked up at me again; this time she had tears in her eyes.

 

“Don’t make me do this,” she pleaded – obviously distressed over having to be the one to end things.

 

I grunted and looked away trying to retain what little manliness I could muster.  Had I been in control, I could have given her a thousand reasons to stay.  I could have orated a Shakespearian soliloquy.  But my brain was preoccupied with the arduous task of keeping my heart and lungs working, my knees from buckling, and my soul from escaping.  It seems that all I could muster was an animalistic grunt.

 

“Aiden, I would have given anything not to have to do this.”  She reached out with one hand trying to offer some comfort.

 

I wanted to touch her.  I wanted to wrap my arms around her and bury my head in her neck and smell the sweet fragrance of her hair.  I wanted to do anything to change that moment, but I just stood there.  Her hand touched my cheek and wiped at the tears, but I couldn’t even feel it.  This marvelous girl who had brought me out of my shell and shown me what true love felt like was now telling me goodbye.  The consequences of it all raced through my mind.  I would never hold her again.  I would never feel the warmth of her skin or taste the sweet nectar of her lips.  She would never again greet me by jumping into my arms.  And that sweet smile – that treasure that filled me with joy – would never again shine upon my face.

 

“Go.”

 

“Aiden, please!”

 

I looked up and could see the heartbreak and the tears on her face.  I could feel the muscles in my jaw tighten and knew I couldn’t utter any more sounds, so I just stared.  I watched as a tremor moved her jaw; then she took her lower lip in her teeth.  I guess she hadn’t expected it to be this way.  I had always loved her and given in to her every need and want.  I guess I had made it too easy on her.  For the first time since she met me, she couldn’t change my expression.

 

“Aiden, please understand, I…”

 

I wanted to comfort her and take away her pain just as she was causing mine.  But my gaze shifted beyond her.  I’m not sure why or how, but I could no longer see her.  It was as if she had vanished before my eyes.  I squinted to keep her in sight, but it was useless.

 

I’m not sure how long I stood there.  Time ceased to exist.  I remember hearing her sobs slowly fade into the distance.  I remember a car door slamming and the sound of her driving off.  For the life of me, I can’t remember seeing any of it.  When I finally emerged from my stupor, it was dark.  Hours must have passed, and I was still standing in the same exact spot.

 

Before I knew it, I started falling.  My body just collapsed in on itself.  It was as if someone had magically ripped the bones from my body and all that was left was a puddle of flesh.  I lay on the ground and tried to regain my senses – any of them.  But something was different now – drastically different.  I looked around, and the world appeared in black and white.  Sounds still echoed in my ears, but in a drone of endless tones that lacked any variation.Worst of all, I couldn’t feel.  To be sure, I had no pain.  That was a good thing.  But I had nothing else either.

 

For a while I was convinced I had died.  And if the truth be told, I really had.  Everything that I had become and all of my hopes and desires left me.  I was a vacant shell.  I still am.

 

Some people say that time heals everything.  They say that I’ll get over her and start living again.  And to them I can only reply, “What is a man without a heart?”


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