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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: July 23, 2011

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Submitted: July 23, 2011



He says to let him know what will make it better.
Only one thing will, but that one thing isn't an option.
Not now anyways, maybe not ever.
Maybe it never was.
It's so weird in a way,
having such strong feelings for a best friend.
It's like a new kind of pain that she doesn't know how to deal with,
nor one she is prepared in any way to deal with.
Getting over him? That task seems so daunting.
She wants to be with him, and she can't.
It drives her nuts, but that's yet another thing to deal with.
She'd give anything to stop thinking about him,
to erase the memories that are so painful to think about now.

It's getting to the point where everything reminds her of him.
His laugh, his smile, the way he does things,
cute in every way imaginable, absolutely adorable.
But no, she can't have him.
That would be too much of a blessing, more than she deserves.
Happiness in moderation, evidently.
Serious moderation.
How to let him go seems tougher to figure out than the hardest puzzle.
Hell, even letting go in general.
Either way, if she doesn't tear herself away from him now,
It's going to hurt later.
A lot more than it already does.
And, come to think of it, she would know...

Scarred many years ago, funny how they're still there.
One person can take full credit for that, but that's beside the point.
Feeling worthless -- hey, at least it's a feeling, right?
Maybe one day, who knows.
Things will get back to normal eventually.
Hopefully eventually is sometime soon.
Two feelings now, well isn't she lucky?
Worthless and awkward, what an interesting combination.
Getting mad seems pointless now; it won't change anything.
Won't make anyone feel better, won't make things easier.
A rebel that bounces back.
Or used to bounce back, anyway.
Someone who forgives more than she should.

It'll be the death of her one day.
Then again, that wouldn't be so bad.
If she was gone he wouldn't have to think about her.
Problem solved.
She's so addicted to him, and it feels like she's just making things harder.
It's so hard to keep herself from saying "I love you."
She wants to be back in his arms
She wishes she never left.
She'll probably never get to see him again.
As much as she wants to, it would be...difficult,
for lack of a better term.
Seems like that's what hurts the most, but it isn't.
We won't go there.

If only memories could just go away,
if only certain ones could just disappear.
But life isn't that simple; memories still hurt.
They're so hard for her to think about sometimes.
And even the best disciplined minds can't shut out everything --
it's next to impossible.
Perhaps learning to cope is the only thing one can do,
even though that one thing is so hard.
You can bury memories as deep in your brain as you'd like,
but eventually they'll resurface whether you want them to or not.
One has no choice in the matter.
Constantly pushing them out is only hindering the healing process.

Funny how at 19, she still doesn't have a choice in so many things.
Maybe one day she will.
Gotta love how life is so confusing...
Trying to understand certain things is just beyond her.
She wonders why he keeps saying she's fine,
pouring her heart out and whatnot.
"Fine" seems to have a multitude of definitions these days.
She can't do this anymore.
There has to be some sort of stopping point.
Just when is the question, really.
He belongs to her now,
she just needs to keep telling herself that.

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