gone too far

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
the power of love truth and losing something

Submitted: January 31, 2008

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Submitted: January 31, 2008

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“When did you fall in love?" The shrink "tap-tap-taps" her pencil rhythmically against the yellow pad.

Go figure, this is what you see in movies... not reality. But hey who am I kidding? I have no one to blame for this mess but her. The one. The one you wait years to find. She lights up the sky and then the universe. Her smile drags people out of those dark abysses that we sometimes find ourselves stuck in. I thought those girls were only in movies too- quite like this shrink, but she proved me wrong. She showed me a life, a rollercoaster of bliss.

There in my mind she was yet again. Soft brunette hair styled to her shoulders, her skin tan and tone, eyes of emerald green gazing down at her lap biting her lipstick red lips. The thing that I found so different from any other teen girl within the school is how she fidgeted and relaxed and on like that for the better part of an hour. I acted like my focus was on my work but suddenly I didn’t even remember what I was supposed to do with the paper I held in my now clammy hands.

Her name was Olivia. I hadn't seen her around school and made it my goal of the day to approach and conversate with her. I had no idea what hell would soon ensue from that choice but at the time even if I had I doubt it would have mattered much anyway. Lunch I got there early she was already there. I smile and slid into the bench a crossed from her

"Hey." I began stupidly.

"Oh is this the table you sit at? I 'm sorry I didn’t mean to sit here. I'm new I didn't know." she jumped from her novel.

"Oh no that is fine. I just wanted to see who you are. I mean I saw you in government and chemistry and I figured I could get to know you." I thought I had handled it rather nicely... I guess she did too.

"Well I'm Olivia. I am not really all that interesting but if you insist...what do you want to know?" she smiled and relaxed a bit.

"Well, where did you move from?"

"I lived in Maine with family until my dad wanted a fresh start. My turn. DO you always go out of your way to talk to the new kids?"

"As a matter of fact I don't." I paused to laugh," actually consider this your lucky day... you caught me in a good mood. Uhhh... do you have plans tonight? I mean it is Friday and I figure you have a Myspace we can talk on there...”

"I don't have plans but I can step it up a notch if you’re not busy... why don’t you come over? Or I can go to your house either way.”

"That depends... are you asking me out on a date?"

"I don’t know... am I?"

"See you at 6ish?" I said and scribbled down my address and phone number.

"But I really don't know you... A name would be helpful,"

"The names Landon" I smiled and left to go sit with some friends.

 

“So that is it? Nothing after that?” the shrink interjected into the story.

“Well if it was I wouldn’t be her now would I? Of course that isn’t it. She came over later that night…” I continued

The rest of the day dragged on. I laughed at myself during my last class... if only all the times before this had been that easy. I liked her that was easy to see. It wasn’t just because she was amazingly beautiful or had a killer smile but her whole persona, the biting of her lip and the look in her eyes told me more about her than words could. I spent the day until she arrived cleaning and waiting for my parents to go to their business meeting. What a classic evening this will be. I made dinner and finished just as Olivia arrived. I smiled when I saw her standing at my door way… this will be great is the only thought that repeated itself in my mind.

The first hour was slow but relaxing, I mean I learned more about her and her of me. I told her how great she looked just so I could see her blush... The color of roses. Silky and soft splaying her cheeks like sunlight.

“So... were all we going to do are eating and talk? I mean I assume you had more planned?” Olivia smiled.

She leaned in, and I could smell the scent of gardenias from her hair, could count each individual eyelash. Her lips grazed mine and I was lost in a moment so unlike any other. I kissed her so passionately and with such a desire she drew away with a smile. I placed her hand in mine and kissed her again. This time it was soft almost as if we weren’t touching at all. When we parted for breath her eyes looked hungry, almost cravingly. I wasn’t about to mess up what I thought would be something that hoped could last forever.

“My parents will be home soon…” I paused to choose my words, “This is probably one of the best nights of my life and I hate for it to end but I don’t want to go to fast. I really do like you and I really am not after just that. Olivia you are so amazing in everyway.”

 

“So that is how it all started… tell me something Landon. How did you go from there to here? The shrink interjected once more.

“Well if u could stop interrupting then we might get some where now wont we?” I spat out frustrated that I had to go through all this for another time…”where were we?”

 

So we started going out. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Half a year nearly passed and make out sessions were as far as we had gone. I knew by the third week I was lost in love. I hit the point where I knew I was falling in way to deep and felt the urge to keep swimming down. She came to my baseball games and helped my sister with her softball practice. My parents were in love with her. They thought she was perfection and I agreed. Time wasn’t existent in her presence. All that mattered was her and her face and the words that came out of her mouth when she spoke.

I guess it was on our 7 month anniversary when she asked me if I thought we were ready. I wasn’t sure. I wanted to know her thoughts on it and she thought it was time. I figured that if she was ready then maybe we were both ready. I kissed her neck and withdrew. Next her collarbone and lingered for a sweet moment absorbing the fact that this was really about to happen. I slipped my hand under her shirt and from there the rest was history. I can easily say that it was the best night of my life. Her smiles and her gasps. The way she kissed me afterward with such sweet serenity. I found what my life was like with her and I realized I couldn’t have it any other way. After that night we never had sex again. I mean who needed it after how close we were after that? No one knew until about 3 weeks ago when all hell broke loose.

I guess I never imagined anything ever happening to change the way life was. Baseball championship, great girl, good family, friends of gold, nothing was going wrong. Until that night.

 

“When was the last time you made a mistake?” I asked the therapist.

“Well… I am not sure but I have made many why?” she responded

“Because If I hadn’t made a mistake that night I wouldn’t be here. I would be tucked into my bed, arms around the most amazing and beautiful girl you can imagine. See? One moment, one act one thought can change your life so drastically that it can never be the same- EVER.” I choked up at this point. Knowing what was coming. Having to relive the worst night of my life and do so for nearly the 20th time…

 

I guess I was bored. The day was sucky and I was just counting the hours until Olivia would be over. I was so impatient and wanted to pass the time. The doorbell rang and I bounded to the do. Instead of Olivia though it was Sara, my friend Lyle’s girlfriend.

“Oh hey… what’s up?” was all I could say in my disappointment.

“Lyle and I broke up. He said I was no Olivia. Did you know he had a crush on her?” she asked upset and burst into tears.

“No, I didn’t. Come on inside it looks like it’s about to rain. Are you okay?” I was worried.

“Sort of... NO!! We dated for 3 years Landon. Then he just pops up with this whole Olivia thing out of no where… I don’t know why I came here; I just thought I needed to talk to some one.

I don’t remember the details there was a lot of crying and a lot of yelling on her part about men and man whores. The phone rang and I prayed for it to be Olivia on her way over here. Instead it was her dad.

“Hey Landon, There was an accident…can you get to the hospital?”

“What do you mean an accident? I mean is Olivia alright?” I was instantly locked on every word sure my worst fears would not become reality.

“Well... no…” his voice choked up, “I just got the call myself from the hospital. She was on her way to your house when it started raining. Her mom was driving and out of no where a driver came on the wrong side of the road. They said he had been drinking. She is… is in a coma. Or at least unconscious at the moment. Can you get down here?”

“I’ll be there soon,” I hung up not knowing until then that tears stung at my eyes. I left Sara there and took my brothers car.

I drove until I got there. I found her dad in the emergency room and pacing. His wife was fine but Olivia was in “critical condition.”

We waited there hours and hours. Finally we were given the news. It broke me. Olivia wasn’t going to wake up her brain sustained 90% damage and more than half of it was dead including her nervous system and memory. She would be a vegetable her whole life. I pleaded and begged for her parents not to do it. The doctors said it was the most humane thing to do. They pulled the plug at exactly 12:56 am on June 26th, 2007. When I went to the burial I placed a gardenia on her grave in remembrance of the way she smelled during our first kiss. I promised to be with her so two days after that I attempted to take my own life. 20 sleeping pills and a 5th of jack almost did it if my parent’s business meeting hadn’t been rescheduled.

 

“You wanted to know why I was here from me and now you have. Is that all?” I let the tears fall then and let the rivulets of salt water drain and run for minutes.

 

 

 

 

I looked at old pictures of Olivia in pain and sorrow that night. I find that all good families have a pistol hidden for protection. I would have used it the first time but didn’t want to leave a mess. Now I didn’t care. I smiled and said be there in a second and with one bang and smile I took off to find the only pure joy I ever knew


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