A Lifetime with Mom in 18 Years & 22 Days

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: April 08, 2016

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Submitted: April 08, 2016

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“A Lifetime with Mom in 18 Years & 22 Days”

 

You’ve heard the words that you’ve always feared to hear. The doctor diagnosed your mother with cancer. What do you do? You can have two attitudes towards cancer. You may even be in between positive and negative. For a while, you will struggle to find hope and comfort in this situation. You may shut the whole world out and hide, or you can open up to others and gain positive feedback. This will help you in the long run.

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I will admit that I hid from the world. I thought that this was the end of everything. I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to just cry in my room. It wasn’t easy when my mom got home from her first surgery. Things were definitely different for a while. It takes some time and healing in order for one to get back or adjust into a routine. As a family, we had to give up things that we enjoyed doing together. Hearing my mom scream in pain and cry was probably the worst part of it all. As a child, I didn’t know how to comfort her. I just wanted to take away all of the pain. She deserved to live a normal just like most people do; however, this was something we had to adjust to. It was going to be our daily routine from on.

I will start off with saying that there is hope in everything. Cancer is an awful thing, and I wish it upon no one. My mother had some good days and bad days. I will not cover up the difficult times. The positive side is that you get to decided whether or not you will let it take over your life. Cherish every moment even in the grueling times. Even though you are going through hardships, you need to make the best of them.

Don’t be afraid to hug your mother and tell her that you love her everyday. You may feel like you might break her because she is so fragile; however, that hug and words will give her the strength to get through the entire day. Those words will stick in her mind like the Hollywood sign. They will be as bright as the sun and as bold as your own personality.

Unfortunately, I did lose my mother at the age of 18. I wouldn’t have traded any day for the world. Every day, whether it was good or bad, counted as a day with her. Cancer brought my family together and made us stronger in every way. We expanded our world, met new friends, and learned so much. I wouldn’t take any of it away. It built us up on an empire that no one could ever take from us. My mother is in a better place, and she is now glowing like the beautiful butterfly she dreamed of being.

Everyone in the world will eventually die. Make the best of it. Make every second with your loved one count. The memories will never fade away. That is something no one can ever take away from you. Cherish the love and support you get. Everything will be okay in the end.

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As I drift away in to the night, I gain thoughts about my dear mother. I always wonder what it would be like if she was still here. I simply smile, and tears begin to roll down my eyes.  If I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing. Yes, I do believe that cancer is an awful thing. No one should have to live through the pain and suffer; however, cancer has taught not only me, but many others the value of faith, family, and love. The three things in life my mom always referred to.  I giggle. I hear her saying, “Louise, don’t stress over the small things. That test you’re worrying over won’t matter down the road. It doesn’t determine the type of person you are or what you will accomplish. Get some sleep. Your body needs to rest.” My mother was so wise. Everything she has taught me, and is still teaching me will forever be a part of my life.

My mother was not an ordinary person. You know the saying, “A young soul was taken so soon because God needed him or her the most,” is true in this case. My mother was brilliant. Always knew the right things to say, was so comforting, and was a true mentor to many. My family was truly blessed to know three really good friends. Becky, Dianne, and Jean. Without these three ladies my mother wouldn’t have come as far as she did. Our faith as a family wouldn’t have been as strong as it was and still is. The people my mother helped wouldn’t have been touched by my mother’s beautiful and giving soul.

I end with this for tonight. In the finally hours of being with my mother, I remember looking at her.  She was unresponsive, and lay in her bed with comfort and ease. I caressed my hand upon her cheek saying, “Mom, you have the most beautiful smile ever.” A tear slowly drifted down her cheek. She half smiled as I burst into tears. I share this special moment with you because it made me reevaluate my life. I knew from then on cherish the small things in life. You only get so long to live life.  The only thing I wanted when I saw my mom lay there in bed was for her to be able to respond to me. I wanted to hear her voice one last time. I wanted to hear those three words everyone is guilty of taking for granted. I told her everything I felt. I told her everything. I need… no I craved to hear just a little peep out of her. Anything would’ve been fine. 

I’m just so grateful my mother allowed me to say goodbye to her. She was one heck of a fighter that’s for sure. Just ask anyone who knew her. When she was diagnosed with stage 4cc ovarian cancer, she didn’t look at it and go, “oh, looks like I’m giving up.” No. She fought for her life. She fought for her family. She wanted to live on. She knew that she hadn’t fulfilled her deeds here in this world. There are so many days were I knew she wanted to give up, but she didn’t. I felt so guilty at times. I always prayed to God, “Give me the pain instead. Take it away from my mother. No one deserves to feel like this or even ever get cancer.” Cancer is an awful thing that can truly destroy or strengthen you. You choose your path. Take the easy way out and give up or give it one hell of a try to beat the odds and live on.

For now, goodnight. Sleep my child for you are in good care.

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Just before the wake was going to start, I remember Mr. Talbot taking me over to a bunch of flowers. He said, “Here. This is for you.” I read the card that came with the flowers. On the verge of tears, I read the card out loud. Everyone in my class had signed that card. The Class of 2016. I was so speechless. I didn’t know what to do but simply continue to cry. I was overwhelmed by all of the support and love that was filling the air.

The day of the funeral. Getting up in the morning was very difficult. My belly contained all sorts of butterflies and knots. Not the good ones either. I remember texting my boyfriend, “I don’t think I can do this. I hurt everywhere.” He, being so supportive and loving, told me that everything was going to be okay. Family and friends are here to support you. I most definitely am too. Of course, those weren’t the exact words; however, that’s what happened.  The whole community came together and is even still supporting our family.

Sam Wisneski. Not blood related but truly a dear big brother to me. I grew up with this man. He practically lived with us. I remember walking out the door of the church. Talbot was whisking away my mother. It hit everyone like the fire of a shot gun. I remember turning back only to find Sam. He grabbed my shoulder and let out a big gasp. I knew it hurt him so it hurt me even more. The ones you love you never want to see hurt. I clenched stronger to my dad’s hand. With the other hand, I held tightly against Sam’s on my shoulder.

A child my age should be rummaging through their mother’s closet. “Hey mom can I borrow this?” As the giving mother I have, she always would say yes; however, a child my age shouldn’t be going through their mother’s clothing to keep the items. To sort the items out evenly so I have some way to remember my mom by what I wear of her’s. It’s not fair. I feel so selfish taking what was once my mother’s clothing. It’s not fair. I know others before me have experienced this guilt. It’s not something you want to do. I would rather be sharing my mom’s clothing than keeping them all to myself.

The Immense Amount of Support:

One missed call. Kesley. My best friend. I quickly opened my voicemail curious as to what she was going to say.  “Lou, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I’m just so sorry.” The words broke my heart. It hit me like a bomb. My mom was gone. The word was getting out fast. I remember most all of the text messages, phone calls, facebook messages, and conversations in person.  Recently, I looked back on them.

“You and your family are in my prayers”

“You are an amazing young woman, and that is a direct result of your wonderful parents. I didn’t know your mom that well, but what I do know is, her family is her everything. I lost someone that means the world to me. The only comfort I have is the memories we share. I know your mom will always be with you. Each time a memory sneaks in, which will at times even unexpected. I want you to know that is her pouring down her love. Go through your life’s journey remembering how amazing your mom is and continuing to make her proud.”

“My sweet Louise…words cannot describe how my heart breaks for your family. Your mom is a wonderful, beautiful woman who will love you forever and ever. I love you so much my sweet girl. And I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that God helps guides you through this dark time. If you need anything at all, please never hesitate to give me a call or shoot me a text! You and your family will always be in my prayers. With all my love xoxo”

“I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. It’s hard saying good bye to your mom. I’ve been there, and I understand your sadness. I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

Too think that was only a few messages. Support truly helped soothe the process of grieving. I can’t thank everyone that was here for us. I thank all of those who sent prayers, love, and support. This beautiful soul may now rest in peace, and my soul, may now be at peace. Love to all. Prayers said and done.

Mama, this one’s for you.

 

Much love,

“Your little Weezie”


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