Her Name Was Sydni

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
"Her Name Was Sydni
Is about a summer love, and a end of love. Feelings of joy and feelings of heart break. A true story of a part of my life that made me realize that I wasnt invincible.

Submitted: April 28, 2012

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Submitted: April 28, 2012

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White walls, one small window to my right. dresser covered in CD's and junk food. posters across one wall of bands iv'e known sense I first heard music. a floor covered in clothes and miscellaneous things of the boy i fell in love with the night before. 

My summer love was passionate, crazy, and felt so real. his name was Nick Bruce. i didn't see him coming but I'm glad he did. the night we met felt like it lasted for ever, but still wasn't long enough for me. i will never forget  it. he walked out and my heart raced, my stomach was filled with butterflies, and all i could see was him. when he spoke all i could hear was him. i knew i would never be the same again.

when his hand met mine thought for the first time things were looking up. when his lips met mine i knew things were looking up. the whole night we talked about nothing and everything at the same time. we laughed more than we breathed. we sang. we dance. but when we laid in the grass and looked at the stars, was the moment when i fell... and i mean hard.

When he replayed "i love you too" that did it for me.

I gave him my everything. because he was my everything. 
i would sneak out all the time just so i could see him for a few more hours. As soon as i got home he'd call me. it was like this the whole summer. me and him. him and i.  that all that matter. i was blinded by love. the feeling of security and meaning something to someone was one of the best feelings i have ever felt. it was like this the whole summer.

 

when the new school year came so did the biggest reality shock of all.
Her name was Sydni.

i felt like reality's bitch. the sting from that slap lasted a few months. i cried my self to sleep every night till i didn't have any more tear. my heart felt like he smashed it with a hammer and then decided to light it on fire. i was crushed. i asked god why he would let such an awful thing happen.

i started to go into a depression that sucked every ounce of joy from me and filled it with a deep aching pain. i was not the same girl anymore. i hated life. i hated him. i hated her. nothing brought me happiness. my grades dropped, i pushed all of my friends away. because of one boy. 

my mom soon found out that i was cutting, but she didn't know to the degree it was. she thought it was for attention. it was so much more.... i carved his name into my thigh, wrist and stomach. every time the scabs would heal i would carve it back in. i was so numb for his wrong doings that i cut just to check if i was alive. i became addicted to cutting. its all i thought about. it consumed me.

i lied about the cuts. i lied about the scars. i lied about everything at that point i thought if i didn't have to talk about anything real that nothing would be. the pain was the only thing that was real.

i was unstable. i needed help.

two years has gone by, and i can say that I'm 160 days cut free. 
i believe that everything happens for a reason, and i believe that he happened because i needed to experience life. An experience it was.

 


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