Loves Wonders I

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just me explaining what I believe life is somewhat and what one person can do to someone. I basically put it in a form of me writing in a diary to get it that "realistic feeling" to it.

Submitted: November 24, 2013

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Submitted: November 24, 2013

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~~Love? What can this four letter word mean? It can mean so much, but be so different to every person. It’s simply amazing how one simple word can be altered in so many different ways. It can mean the passion between two people. But then be turned around and mean the pain each other gives. Ok, let me explain. You got the cuddling and the kissing and holding hands. That is the passion you see in love. Then you have the pain, which is the arguing and the feelings you get from that. Some people look at that as love and being a good thing because then you are showing you care cause you are putting up that fight to make it right and try to fix it. So it really goes both ways. So why is when people look at love, they only look at the good things? The reason is because that’s what the human race has come down to. We have became a society that only dreams and believes what we want. We never see the ACTUAL reality of life itself and the existence of the wrong in it. We only see the stars in a clear sky and not the clouds coming around the hemisphere. Get it now?? So as we sit here, daydreaming the bull crap, life is slowly creeping up on us and is about to smack us in the face. The reason I used love out of everything is because it is the fondest thing that everyone wants. We all want that warm feeling inside our hearts, our head constantly spinning in circles over one person. Love is something that I want to feel. I have lasted my past 5 years in misery every single day. I have been beaten, torn, yelled at, and shattered. My heart can’t ever be the same again. Or at least I thought. A little over a month ago a guy walked into my life. I’m not the type of person to end up being with someone from work…but with him, I made an exception. He was something else. He was always making me smile, making me feel like I’m cared for…and most importantly, making me feel like I am special. His eyes, wow his eyes. They are beyond gorgeous. I think I like his eyes better than mine. I know I defiantly like his heart better. Yes, he can be an asshole and a child sometimes…but hell…what man doesn’t act like that. He treats me right though. He’s always opening doors for me, hates it when I pay for my own food, and is always texting me asking how work is going or making sure I got enough sleep. He has just blown me away, so when he told me his feelings were getting stronger for me…. I just sat down and smiled. For once in my life…. I was speechless. Literally the only time…okay second time, first time was when my adoption passed on, but that’s for another time.
This guy has shown me that there are still nice people out there. Well, both him and his friend. His friend is another story as well, but I can give you the jest of it now. He was the first one I made friends with at work. He was real nice and treated me good as well. He was doing everything he could to impress me and make me laugh and smile. Still does it to this day. He even gave me a list that explained why I am awesome. Lately however, I’ve been drawn away from him. I don’t know if it’s the fact that he’s just too attached to me…or it’s the fact that I’m literally not who I was back then. Back in the day I use to be a cheater and didn’t care who I hurt. Today I regret it all and I feel terrible about everything I have done. So I have been done with it and have been doing so much better. But with “the guy” I could NEVER cheat on him even if I wanted to. He just means so much to me….I want to tell him that I think I love him, and to actually take it to heart (there have been a few times where I’ve said it, but it was still “unsure love”). I fully think I’m falling for him…I just don’t want to scare him and have him pushed back because of it. Both of our past relationships have been hard with the love thing. He’s afraid that if he says it and leaves me, he’s just going to end up hurting me more. What he doesn’t understand is though, how we are feeling towards each other, I doubt that if we do leave each other, we would stay apart. He, like I don’t even know what to say or how to explain how I feel….I feel…lighter….like nothing bad can hurt me now. I always feel safe with him. Hell, he told his friend to stay a foot away from me when I was sleeping…it was SOOOOO sweet…I’ve never been protected before. He has helped me so much and doesn’t even realize it. He has been helping me feel whole again, and nothing can thank him enough. He is always doing whatever he can to make me happy and is always sitting around making me laugh when I’m down and is always complimenting me. He is just so damn cute when he sits there and you catch him staring at me. He will keep staring, smile, shake his head, then turn away or hide his face in me depending what we are doing….it’s so freaking adorable!!
I am just lost for words right now….I can’t stop thinking about him. I love thinking about him. I don’t know why but I just do…even if its stupid shit about him…I still love it. He is everything I ever wanted, and I would do anything to make sure he wants to stay in my life. I just hope eventually, he will end up feeling the same as well and we won’t have to be scared to love each other like we deserve to do.


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