Where Did I Go Wrong

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a story based off a show that I watch and how I would like to see things turn out

Submitted: January 14, 2010

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Submitted: January 14, 2010

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Where Did I Go Wrong
By: Erin Sullivan
Senior year is finally here, and I can’t believe in less than two months I will be graduating, and going away to college. I am so glad I was able find a great school that has a housing system for mothers with children, this way I can make a better life for myself, and my son. If I don’t get in to this school I don’t know what I will do, even though after what Mike told me at dinner last night, I am probably going to be going to college single. I should have known it was coming and, I knew going to lunch with Mike was a big mistake, but he was my first, and he is my son’s father, and he will always have a place in my heart. Because of that, I will always love him, and listen to what he has to say; even if it is something I don’t want to hear.
My name is Liz, and I got pregnant with Billy after only having sex once, and now I regret it because I am not with his father. I am with someone whom I thought was a great guy, until I found out last night that he is sleeping with someone else, and falling for her. I guess I should have expected it though because, we have been together for three years, and I am still refusing to be intimate with him. I know it’s wrong, but the sexual experience I had was not the best, and then they guy that I thought I loved turned around, and left me. To make things worse though, he is sleeping with the one girl in school that I hate the most because she took Mike from me because, he just wanted someone to sleep with and, she was willing to do that for him.
I don’t even know if I can trust what Mike says because, he did tell me last night that he loved me, and would do whatever it takes to be with me. How do I know that this is not some plan for him to try and get me back, even though he knows that I don’t want to be with him. Well enough writing for now because, I need to get Billy to school, and then get off to school myself. I get in my car, turn on my radio, and start driving when all of a sudden my phone starts ringing, and it’s Jon. I told him I would call him back after I dropped Billy off because, we need to talk anyways.
I drop off Billy, and tell him that I will miss him, and see him after school, and to be good for his teachers. He gives me a big hug, and a kiss goodbye, and tells me that he loves me, and that I looked very fancy today, I couldn’t help but laugh. I get back in my car, and I call up Jon, and asked him what he wanted.
“Hey I was wondering if you could possibly meet me for dinner tonight because, I think we need to talk.”
“You are right Jon we do need to talk because Mike told me something when I went out with him yesterday, and I want to hear from you if it’s true or not.”
“Ok, let’s have dinner tonight, and we will talk about everything that needs to be said between us both, and where we see this relationship going I love you Liz.”
I get out of the car, and of course there is Nikki, and it seems like she is waiting to talk to me. I am not going to talk to her because, she knows I hate her, and I know she hates me. She has hated me ever since she found out Billy did belong to Mike, because she knew that there would be a bond between him and I. I now believe that if what Mike told me was true, the only reason she is doing it, is to get back at me for one having a baby with Mike and still being with Jon. I know everyone wants me to break up with him, because of the fact that I won’t have sex with him but, that’s his choice not anyone else’s.
I get through the day, and I am just about to get into my car when I hear, “Liz wait up we need to talk.”
“Nikki, just leave me alone. We have nothing to say to each other, Mike knows I don’t want him, he just won’t accept it.
“I know that Mike told you about me and Jon, so why don’t you just stop acting like you don’t know what’s going on. Why don’t you just break up with him, and let us be happy?
“Listen I don’t have to break up with him for him to be happy because, I know what he wants from me, which is the only reason why he was ever paying attention to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I know you are not going to have sex with him, so you might as well forget that right now.”
“Well see, wont we.” I get into my car, and drive off.  If I didn’t leave at that point there would have been a fight.
Before I get to work, I call Mike and ask him if he will watch Billy tonight because, Jon and I are going to go out to dinner and talk. He says yes so I tell him to come pick him up around six ‘o’clock. I get to the center, and as soon as Billy sees me he runs up to me, and gives me a big hug. I tell him to go back and play because, mommy has to work but, I will see him in a few hours. I get through my shift at the center, and am on my way home when I completely forgot to go to the bank, and cash my checks, so I turn around and go do that.
I finally get home, and Jon and Mike have already taken it upon themselves to get into a fight because, Mike had mentioned something about him sleeping with Nikki. I get out of the car, and tell them to both stop fighting because, the baby is around, and he doesn’t need to see that. I tell Jon that I will be right out, and I tell Mike to come inside, and help me get the baby ready. Mike than tells me that he wants to take Billy for the weekend, but I have to make sure that I pick him up Sunday night because, he starts work on Monday. I tell him that’s good but, I have to go get ready so I will talk to him later.
Jon and I get to the restaurant, and as soon as we sit down, we start talking about him and Nikki.
“I know what is going on between you and Nikki Jon, but I just don’t understand why, I thought you loved me. He tells me that he does love me, but he is a man with needs that I just can’t fulfill. I tell him that he knows I am not ready to have sex yet, and that is something that I just can’t help. I know I need to have sex with him to keep him around but, at this point it does not even seem like it is worth it. He is obviously in love with Nikki because, he does not deny it when I ask him about it but, I don’t want to end up alone either.
All he does through dinner is tell me that he was the only one there for me through all this, and tells me how he can’t deal with getting pushed aside every time Mike wants to talk, or do something with me and the baby. I tell him that I knew this was going to happen, and I saw it coming ever since he came back from Italy that summer, and thought I was sleeping with Mike well he was gone. He knows nothing happened between us but, as soon as he came back he was always talking about it, and then immediately started hanging out with Nikki. At this point my steak is cold, and my stomach is turning with sickness, so I just tell him to bring me home, and just forget about it.
We get to my front door, and I tell him that we obviously can’t be together, for one he cheated on me, and for two he can’t handle the fact that I will not have sex with him. When I walk into what used to feel like a warm and safe place for me, just feels cold, and lonely, so I decide to do a little redecorating to get my mind off things, starting with my room. The pink does not feel pleasant to me anymore, and I decide that black would be better because, it would fit how I am feeling right now. I get done painting my room, and decide the next thing I need to do, is to get rid of all the flowers, and pretty girly things surrounding my room. What am I doing? Why do I feel this way? I should be relieved that I am no longer being pressured into having sex.
I am all alone now with no one to talk to, I hate Mike, and I hate Jon even more for cheating on me, especially with someone I can’t stand, and he knows it. How could he do this to me? He promised me that he would always love me, and never hurt me. I want to call Jon but, I know he is the worst thing for me, if he really loved me, he would have never left me in the first place. I am too depressed, so I decide to turn off my phone, and just go to bed for the night, and try to forget about everything. I wake up the next morning, and decide to take a long hot shower, because those always seemed to help me before.
I go to the closet get my clothes, and go into the, bathroom and start running the water, but realized I forgot my stereo. I go back to my room, grab my stereo, and get into the shower but, it doesn’t quite seem to be helping yet. My favorite song comes on the radio, and I start singing away, and by the end of the song, and the shower I feel a little bit better. I am getting dressed when my phone starts to ring, and I look at who’s calling, and it’s Mike. He asks me if I want to go to the park with him and Billy, and have a picnic.
I tell him ok, and to pick me up in about half hour, so I can finish drying off, and getting dressed.  He picks me up, and the first thing that he asks me was how it went with me and Jon last night.
“We broke up because, he admitted to having sex with Nikki, and then pretty much told me that he was in love with her but, breaking up was up to me.”
“Wow I am really sorry, I knew Nikki and him were having sex, I just didn’t care because, I told her I wanted an open relationship because, I don’t want a commitment.”
“How can you sit there and say that you don’t want a commitment, when you are sitting here trying to get back with me?”
I know it’s different because, I am his son’s mother, but I don’t want someone to be with me just because we have a kid together. That is the worst thing to do because, not only are you messing up each other’s lives, you are also messing up the child. I basically told him that if the only reason he was trying to get back with me was just for Billy, forget it I would rather go off to college alone. We finished off the day at the park, and he asked me if he could keep Billy again, and of course I told him yes because, that was the plan in the first place.
I got home, and decided that since I had just got paid, and had some spare cash, I was going to go do something to make myself feel better. I called up Nina, one of the only friends I really still had because, we met at summer camp, and she lives about an hour away. I called her up, and asked her if she wanted me to come see her, and maybe we could hang out. I really needed an older, and mature friend right now because, I could have honestly used a drink at this point. I was at the point where I did not think my life could get any worse, until I checked the mail, and got a letter saying I did not get accepted to the school for single moms.
I decided to call Cindy at this point and, she told me I could hang out with her for the day, and even spend the night if I wanted to because, at this point I wouldn’t get there until like 4:00. I got in my car, and started driving, and of course I turned up my radio because, I felt like I was escaping it all. I got there, and she was so happy to see me, and I felt the same way because, I really hadn’t seen her much since camp, and Billy was born. When I got there we went out to eat, and she asked me how everything was going, and I just burst out into tears, and she asked me what was wrong. Well of course I just started going off about everything, and how my life in my eyes sucked.
“For one I was thrown out of my house not too long ago, so I am living in this small, crappy two bedroom apartment, which is just gross.
“I mean the outside totally needs to be painted, the sinks and tub have mold in them, and the floors definitely need replacing, and this apartment is not safe for Billy.”
“Wow Liz, I am so sorry, let me order you a drink because, this is a family restaurant, so we won’t get into trouble she says laughing.
“Ok, just one though because, we did take my car and, no one drives my car but me, and you should know that.” I say with a laugh.
Well after about three more beers, and about two large pizzas with pepperoni and mushrooms, I was starting to feel a lot better. I was so happy that I decided to come out and visit Cindy, because I actually feel less stressed now that I was out here. Cindy asked me if I was ready to go home, and I told her not really so she said she had somewhere else that we could go. Of course I didn’t hesitate because; at this point I was a little buzzed, and was just enjoying being stress free. We got in the car, turned on the music, and everything was going fine, until I saw the bright lights ahead of me.
I look around, and all I can see is a huge tree in front of me, and I can’t move because my legs are pinned under the steering wheel. Where is Cindy, and why do I not hear her screaming, she always screams when something goes on? “Please somebody help me, Cindy get me out of here, answer me. Just then I feel Cindy’s hand on mine, and it is cold as the winter’s night, and I yell to her to answer me but, it stays silent. She’s dead, oh my god I killed my best friend, what I am going to do, I have nothing left.
I see the pills lying next to her, and I can read the bottle that says OXI Co done may cause drowsiness. She did tell me on the phone that she just got her tubes tied and, the doctor put her on these for pain.  They go down easy, and I feel them slide down my throat, and all I can ask myself is why and how I could do this to my best friend. Please tell Mike that I am sorry I did this, and tell Billy that mommy will always love him, and that mommy deserved this because, she is a killer. I could not deal with knowing that I was the reason Cindy’s husband would be alone tonight, and her kids would be asking where their mommy was. It’s getting dark now, and very cold but, I see the lights up ahead and they are too late you cannot save us now because, we are gone.
That is the last thing I remember before waking up and having no idea where I am and, all I can see is machines around me and, white walls. My stomach really hurts and, I feel like I am going to be sick again but, I guess that is what happens when you get your stomach pumped. I see Cindy’s parents and, they are coming into my room, “God please tell me they are coming to tell me Cindy is ok”, I say to myself as I see tears in Cindy’s mom’s eyes. She comes in and asks me if I am ok, and I tell her yes just going to be paralyzed from the waist down. She looks at me with such anger and says, “Just be lucky you are still alive Cindy is dead and, it is all your fault. The next thing I know is I have two police officers coming into my room, and telling me that as soon as I am released from the hospital, I am going away for a long time.
Mike came to see me that night, and there was nothing but more bad news. He told me that because of the accident, I am losing custody of Billy but it was ok because, he was going to live with him. Mike told me that he loved me and, would never stop and, that when I was out of jail, rehab, and back home, that I was going to come live with him and, he would take care of me. He told me that I would need lots of physical therapy and, did not want me to be alone and, we wouldn’t even half to get back together right away. All he wanted for me was to be able to be in Billy’s life, and get better so I wouldn’t miss out on anything. I think I am looking forward to being home with the two most important men in my life my son Billy and, Mike the man I truly do love.
 
 
 
 
 


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