Just Want You To Know

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
My story, the one I’m about to tell you, begins two years ago, when I was young, careless, thirteen and a seventh grader. Now, you’re probably thinking “Thirteen? She’s got to be kidding me,” or perhaps you’ve already decided that reading this is worthless and moved on to pick up that cappuccino you wanted from Starbucks. Maybe I’m writing this to no one, in that case: your loss.

Submitted: June 06, 2009

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Submitted: June 06, 2009

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 My story, the one I’m about to tell you, begins two years ago, when I was young, careless, thirteen and a seventh grader. Now, you’re probably thinking “Thirteen? She’s got to be kidding me,” or perhaps you’ve already decided that reading this is worthless and moved on to pick up that cappuccino you wanted from Starbucks. Maybe I’m writing this to no one, in that case: your loss.

But, don’t think that just because I’m young, just because I was thirteen, doesn’t mean that I could hurt like you, that I couldn’t love like you, that I couldn’t lose like you. Just because I’m still growing up, just because I haven’t been everywhere you’ve been, seen everything you’ve seen doesn’t mean that I don’t know, that I don’t feel.

Honestly, I don’t really remember what happened, it was all like a blur, a bad dream, you know, the way you remember irrelevant parts and the rest is so vague. But there was pain, a lot of it, the pain of separation, the pain of being alone and apart. I lost, I lost the people I’d grown to love, I lost the cousins, the families I’d been attached to. But at the same time, I had everything, I had my own family, my grandparents, but somehow, it felt like I had lost a part of me, a part so big, that it could never be filled again.

Nothing really big even happened, it was just a simple move, happens all the time, everywhere. But the way it crept up on me, the way in hit me so unexpectedly, that’s what made it so hard, so painful. It’s abruptness faltered the way I lived, the way I was happy. I was lost afterwards, not for a day or two, but for so long. There were times when I wished it was just all a bad dream and that tomorrow I’d wake up, and everything would be back to normal. I’m not even really sure how I handled it, I was trying my hardest to be happy, but it didn’t work, sometimes I would just burst, sometimes I would just want to scream and cry, but I didn’t. At least not in anyone’s presence, I wanted to show them that I could make it through, or perhaps I was trying to prove to myself that I could get through it.

All I wanted is for someone to come and tell me everything would be okay, because at the time, I honestly wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure about a lot of things, I was tangled up and trying to be happy, I even got everyone else to believe I was alright, but deep inside, I knew I wasn’t.

But it didn’t matter, I was broken. Sometimes, I felt like I would have to hold on to myself in order to keep from falling apart. Even now, I don’t completely understand why the impact of the move affected me so much, everyone else seemed to get along fine.

All I knew is that I loved them, everyone I left behind, I loved them with my entire heart, and without them, I would never be me. And you know how people say that time heals everything, honestly, it doesn’t. Time just covers up the pain for a while, it bandages up the wounds. But every now and then, those bandages rupture, and those scars, those wounds, they’re exposed again, and that pain is as strong and unbearable as it was two years ago.

You know the hardest part? The hardest part is knowing that it’ll never be the same again, that I’ll never have the moments I was meant to have and realizing that I’d never know what could’ve been, what should have been.

At an age when I should be carefree, happy, immature and worry-less, I’m mature, I care about today and appreciate every moment I get. Even two years later, I’m not glad that this move took place, but I’m glad it’s made me who I am, who I was meant to be. It’s made me realize how strong I am, and I’ve really discovered myself and where I want to be, what I want to be remembered for. I’m happy now, I truly am, happier than I’ve been in years, I’ve finally started to get back on track and I’m traveling along to my destination in the world.

I’m not telling you this to get sympathy, I don’t want sympathy, I’m not here to waste your time, and if you actually read this, fully and completely, disregarding that it’s a teenage story, I’m thankful to you. I’ve written this not to tell my story, trust me, I’d have been better keeping that personal, but I’ve written this to tell you all something. You see, this world, this life, is so unstable, nothing is set in stone, tomorrow’s not guaranteed. And all of us, we’re shaking with it, I just want to tell you, stop. Stop and smell the roses, dance along to the music, listen to the birds sing, hold on to everything you have and everyone you have as tight as you can, because you never know when you’ll lose them. Make the most of the day, stand up for what you believe in, have fun, smile, laugh, take risks, make mistakes, don’t wait for your moments, make them. Most of all, no matter what, be happy, truly happy. Every day, every minute, every second.


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