Signs, smoke, and sadness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Family bonds aren't created with things. You can't make them happen, they happen when they happen.

Submitted: January 03, 2012

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Submitted: January 03, 2012

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Signs, Smoke, and Sadness I could smell the sadness and smoke in the air the second he walked in. Then began the usual \"my life is a piece of shit\" and \"i dont have anything to do, ever,'\" and so on. But this time, it was different. I could see it in his eyes- a splitting image of mine- that he was honest-to-god depressed. He moved off heavily to his room. Rip. Rip. Tear. I heard packaging being opened. I didnt think anything of it until later, when i realized just what it was that he was opening. \"im going to put some water down in back,\" he calls, something i know is a lie. I nod, and for the first time i really feel like he needs the smoke. I went about, making my lunch, trying to decide wether i should stay in the kitchen and be engulfed in cigarette smoke upon his return, or to seek shelter in my room, away from the world. I chose to hide, same as the millions of times before. So i hid, holding back my tears and the lump in my throat. I hid until i heard a pair of footsteps coming up the stairs again. Then i heard something strannge. It was a hiccup at first, then a shudder, then a gasp for air. I knew those sounds. My father, always strong, always collected, never any emotions, was crying. Now he was sobbing. And then i was sobbing, desperatly gasping for air, pleading with God to make the suffering stop. I never used to pray, never. Not EVER. Because up until then i could deal with eveything myself. That is how i was raised, and that is how i am. But there i was, in a situation completely out of my hands, with me and my father in the middle, suffering the wrath of some higher power. I gave up trying to hide my tears, and ran into my fathers' shuddering arms. \"daddy, i dont like to see you like this. I know you told me not to take care of you, but its so hard...\" then we lay there for half an hour, just crying in each others arms. Occasionally there was a muffled \"i love you so much\" followed by an \"im sorry, im so sorry.\" but mostly we just cried. I realized that my father is the reason i never cry. We hold our emotions in, because we feel that it will protect those around us, but in the end, it only ends up hurting us all even more. That very moment was when i swore to myself that i would never hold them in again. Those moments were surreal-straight out of a movie. The seconds seemed to crawl past, taunting us. There was an unspoken bond between us, telling us that this was, in fact, the most intimate time we had ever had together. This is how you really bond. Not over dinner and ice cream, not over presents. It is times like these which tighten a family bond.


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