Sometimes I don't know what I am doing here.
Haven't asked to be born.
Haven't chose my parents, my birth date, my abilities...
I was just thrown into this world.
I am split between two personalities:
The personality that yesterday was coloring books
And the personality that wants to do something important tomorrow.
It is so strange.
It is like a competition.
One of the personalities wants to keep me on my old habits.
And the other wants to push me inside a world I still don't know very well.
Maybe that's why I can't push back my memories
And can't avoid having dreams about the future.
I wish I could be a child forever.
What I had to do when I was a child?
I'd wake up 6AM to watch Dragon Ball Z on TV.
Could draw, be free... Couldn't go out by myself, but that was my last worry.
And what do I have now?
I have homework, a bunch of chores...
I have business to take care of...
If I ever find trouble at school no one will defend me...
Have to take care of my grades too, that'd be nice...
I have lots of stuff people expect me to do. Like following social protocols.
Or being social.
Or doing something, just... not being stop.
It is like a windmill, you can't be stop.
Who knows what's ahead of me?
The things I haven't seen yet?
It is incredible how the future seems so far and so near at the same time.
But by now...
They are expecting results.
Life is expecting results.
I never thought I'd realize that. I need to have results.
When we are kids we want to grow up;
When we are grown ups we want to be kids.
Maybe someday I'll realize I'll be forever both.
Maybe that's the spirit of the thing...
Life is an eternal dilema.
No, life is a windmill. When we less expect, it throws us mercilessly into a completely different reality.
© Copyright 2016 Luisa Silveira. All rights reserved.